


Touch-Starved

by the_bibliophile_jedi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Mutants, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Daddy Issues, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Harry Potter References, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Marvel Cinematic Universe References, Mutant Kylo Ren, Mutant Powers, Mutants, Mutual Pining, Rey is a Med Student, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, Slow Romance, Star Wars X-Men Crossover, Superpowers, reylo au, star wars alternate universe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-03-25 15:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 49,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13837311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_bibliophile_jedi/pseuds/the_bibliophile_jedi
Summary: His touch could hurt. Her touch could heal. What happens when these two opposites collide?Kylo has the powers of the mutant 'Rogue' and Rey has powers similar (but not the same) as that of the mutant 'Elixir' (from the comics). From the moment they meet, the two are drawn to each other. In a world where mutants are feared and despised, these two lonely souls who have been hiding their powers for years find someone who understands them. It doesn't matter that they can't touch each other (because whoever Kylo touches gets hurt) because the bond they share is so much deeper than that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first work. I really hope you all like it. Please leave comments and suggestions because they are highly appreciated. If you like my work and would like to interact with me my tumblr is @the-bibliophile-jedi

  

She was going to be late for her class. Again.

It had only been two months since Rey had started studying at Coruscant University as a medical student and she was struggling to be on time for her early morning classes already.

“Shit! I can’t be late for my class again! Ugh… Rose, why didn’t you wake me up?”

Rose- Rey’s roommate, an engineering student at the university and her best friend Finn’s girlfriend- looked at her with a blank expression.

“I tried, Rey. I kept shouting at the top of my voice for fifteen minutes but you know you sleep like you’re in a coma.”

“Then try harder, please! I can't always be late!”

 “Well it’s not my fault! It wouldn’t be such a big issue if you slept a little early. But no! You never go to bed before 3 am. How are you supposed to wake up on time for an 8 am class?” Rose rolled her eyes. “Why can’t you ever sleep on time?”

Rey was indignant. “Hey! I don’t stay up to watch movies or stupid TV shows or to read those crappy romance novels. I’m a sincere student and I stay up late to study. It’s much more peaceful at night”, she shrugged.

Rose gave her an understanding yet worried look.

“I know, Rey. I know how serious you are about med school and how much you want to help people. It’s just that…while learning to look after others, don’t forget to look after yourself. I’m just saying this because you are my friend and I care about you. You worry me sometimes…” She gave Rey a small smile and a quick hug. “I’m leaving now. See you after class.”

And with that Rose grabbed her bag and left their room for her class. Rey went back to getting dressed and pondered upon what her friend had said before leaving.

Rose was right. She was always studying and hardly slept 4-5 hours a day. Her health was deteriorating. But work was the only thing left in her life. The only thing that kept her sane and her mind diverted from her problems. She didn’t need a degree to heal. She had been healing people ever since she was ten. Ever since she realised she was a mutant.

Yes, a mutant. Feared by humans. Even hated. Rey wondered why anyone would fear _her_. Her powers could only heal. She could heal almost any wound and a lot of diseases too. Not just her own but those of others as well. Her friends often wondered why she never fell sick or how her injuries healed so quickly. Those were her powers. It was a pity that she couldn’t use them without freaking others out. So med school it was. It was the only way she could heal people without scaring them. And she could even use some of her powers secretly to cure people while practising as a doctor.

Healing others was all she ever wanted to do. She didn’t know why. Maybe it was because she wanted to make the most of her mutant powers, or perhaps helping other people gave her joy, or maybe because she had spent all her life suffering and she couldn’t bear to see others suffer.

So when she got to know that she had been admitted into one of the best Universities in the country with a full scholarship, her joy knew no bounds. She was so happy that she started crying.

This thought brought her out of her reverie and back into the reality. She was late. Well, shit.

 _Professor Organa will not be happy_ , She thought while rushing out of her room.

Professor Leia Organa was her favourite professor. She was a strong, hardworking and independent woman who inspired everyone around her. Despite knowing her for only two months, Leia had grown deeply attached to Rey. Rey thought it was something to do with the fact that she was an orphan and that Leia’s son had run away seven years ago. She didn’t know the details, she had only heard rumours. Leia never talked about her personal life no matter how close she was to a student.

But just because she loved Rey more than others didn’t mean she could be late for class every single day. Even if it was because she was doing some extra reading.

She was trying to imagine professor Organa’s expression on seeing her enter the class late again when suddenly she ran into a wall of muscle. She stumbled and fell on her ass.

Disoriented, she looked around for her bag which had fallen from her grasp when suddenly a gloved hand was offered to her. Wait…gloved? Why would any sane person wear gloves in this stifling summer heat? She looked up and saw that the owner of the hand was not only wearing gloves but a full-sleeved black turtle neck shirt, black jeans and black shoes. Dressed completely in black, there wasn’t a single inch of his skin visible other than his face.

_Definitely not sane but…incredibly hot._

The man she was looking at was certainly not a student, he looked like he was in his late twenties. He was incredibly tall and muscular and had long black hair. And his face…there was something about it. Not only was he handsome but she couldn’t think of a guy with more sensual lips. And those brown eyes, it felt like they could look right into her soul, like all her secrets were laid bare in front of him. She felt exposed. They were the most sensitive pair of eyes she had ever seen.

He looked annoyed and kept looking around as if trying to hide from someone. He jerked his open palm towards her again and raised his eyebrows. “Well?” He said in an exasperated tone.

Rey flushed and took his hand. He pulled her off the ground.

“Umm…I’m so sorry…I was in a hurry”, Rey said sheepishly.

He scowled and rolled his eyes. She had never thought anyone could look hot while scowling but she was so wrong.

“Well you only ended up getting even more late. Watch where you’re going next time”, he growled and walked away.

Rey blinked. Damn, he was really hot. And his voice…like molten chocolate. Just like his brown eyes. Dark yet smooth and silky. And then she remembered. Oh God, she was getting late.

_It's just a guy, Rey. Don’t think too much._

She mentally scolded herself for getting so distracted. She had met so many handsome guys yet she had never been interested in any of them. No one had captured her attention like he had. She shook her head to clear her mind and rushed in the direction of her class.

Rey was breathing heavily from running all the way to the classroom as she walked inside her class.

“Professor Organa, I'm so sorry for being late” Rey apologized, the entire class was looking at her and she was really embarrassed.

Leia Organa crossed her arms and looked at her firmly.

“This is becoming a habit Rey, a habit that I don't approve of. You might be one of my favourite students but I will not tolerate such behaviour. Either come on time or don't come at all.”

Rey felt guilty as hell.

“It won't happen again. I'm really sorry.”

Leia nodded and motioned her to sit down.

Rey focused on what Leia was teaching. She didn’t want to disappoint her more. Alas, she was wrong. Twenty minutes into the lecture her eyes suddenly flitted towards the window as she sensed movement outside. The action was really quick and hardly anyone would have been able to sense it. But Rey was not anyone. She was a very observant person with good reflexes. Eight years of hiding her true identity from the world had taught her that. Being a mutant wasn’t easy in a world that loathed your kind and wanted to hunt you down and kill you. If you aren’t watchful, you will soon be dead.

She saw a figure lurking in the shadows outside, around ten meters away from the window. A figure clad completely in black. He was hiding so well that no one could have noticed him. No one except for Rey’s ever so vigilant eyes. Even if she did see him, she wouldn’t have recognized who it was had she not collided with him less than half an hour ago.

_Why the hell is he hiding there?_

 Rey wondered.

He was staring intently at something, well actually it was _someone_. His intent stare was focused on Leia. He just kept looking at her, unblinking and unmoving. And…it made Rey really uncomfortable. Years of hiding had not only made her an alert person but also a very paranoid one. His strange choice of clothing made her wonder his true intentions. Those gloves…was he here to shoot Leia? Maybe he was wearing gloves so that there are no fingerprint marks left on the weapon. Ughh…she was overthinking. But _why_ was he lurking there? And when they had bumped into each other not long ago, she _had_ noticed that he didn’t want to be seen. Well, Leia was a very outspoken person. Apart from being a college professor, she ran a very famous political blog where she condemned a lot of famous politicians and the government’s policies. She had been an active supporter of mutant rights as well, something that had only made her more likable to Rey. Leia had loads of supporters but also an equal number of haters.

“Rey?”

She snapped out of her stupor on hearing Leia’s voice. The older woman looked really disappointed. Oh, no. Exactly opposite of what Rey wanted to do.

“What is wrong with you today? I need you as focused as always.”

Rey’s cheeks turned red. “I…I’m not feeling well”, she lied. “Can I please be excused?”

Leia looked at her with concern, but let her go anyway.

She had to do something about that guy. As soon as Rey was out of the room, she broke into a run. As she reached the place where she had seen him sneaking, she saw that he was already walking away.

_Perhaps he realised that I had seen him._

Nevertheless, she ran after him.

“Hey! Hey, you!”

He took no notice of her even though she was screaming at the top of her lungs and there was no one else in the vicinity.

“Hey, you giant monster!”

At that, he turned around and narrowed his eyes at her.

“What did you just call me?”

Aahhh…that voice. No, she couldn’t get distracted right now. Rey put her hands on her hips and snapped at him.

“A giant monster! What else do you expect me to call a 6’2 brawny guy dressed completely in black with a permanent scowl on his face?” He looked offended but didn't reply. “What the hell are you up to anyway?”

He crossed his arms and looked down at her. Rey wasn’t short. She was 5’7, but his huge frame completely dwarfed her.

“Firstly, I’m 6’3. Secondly, _I_ should be the one asking you what _you_ are up to. Why are you following me?”

Rey pointed her finger at him accusingly. “I saw you sneaking outside my classroom and you were continuously staring at my professor. I want to know _why_ Mr. Monster.”

For a second, an expression of bewilderment flitted across his face and then it was gone. He pretended not to care but Rey was not fooled.

“The name is Kylo Ren and it’s none of your business who I look at or why I look at them”.

Before Rey could retort or even register that guy’s weird name in her mind, a familiar voice rang in her ears.

“Rey! What are you doing here? Don’t you have a class with professor Organa?”

Finn appeared out of nowhere. He looked confusedly at ‘Kylo Ren’ and gave her a questioning glance.

“Who is this guy? And _why_ are you running after him?”

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to find out. Just stay out of it, Finn.” She said, without looking at him. Kylo was difficult to look away from. Damn it. What was wrong with her? “So, back to my question. What’s your deal, huh? This is about my professor so _it is_ my bloody business”. She was not going to budge so easily.

“Well I don’t owe any explanations to nosy teenage girls”, and with that, Kylo turned and started walking away.

Rey was burning with rage now. She moved forward and grabbed his right hand tightly. “You’re not leaving before answering my questions.” She needed to know. This guy might be hot as hell, but Rey also thought that he might be dangerous.

“What the hell?” He jerked his hand away from her with such strength that she fell back. But her grip was strong enough that his glove came off with her.

He was infuriated, and she had expected that. What she hadn’t expected was him being…scared? Scared of what?

“Give me my glove!” He growled and extended his left palm towards her while trying to keep the right one away from her. But why?

“Rey, maybe you should…” Finn tried to say.

She rose to her feet and backed away. “Not unless you answer me.”

Kylo moved towards her with such ferocity that for a moment she stood like a deer caught in headlights.

However, before he could do anything, Finn moved forward and grabbed his ungloved right hand.

“Hey! Don’t you da-”

The words remained unspoken as his face suddenly went pale and rigid and his eyes rolled back. Rey was horrified, but not as much as Kylo Ren.

He freed his bare hand from Finn’s grasp and took a few steps back. Finn’s limp form fell to the ground and Rey kneeled next to him and grasped his hands quickly in order to heal him with her touch. But while doing all this, she never stopped looking at Kylo’s face.

His face…it was mingled with so many emotions. Fear, pain, despair, loneliness, guilt and so much more. She looked at him like she knew what he was going through. Of course, she did. She would know that expression anywhere because she had worn exactly the same look one time. She had been through the same emotional turmoil. It had happened four years ago when Unkar Plutt, the head of her orphanage, had discovered her true identity. When he had found out the truth about her powers. She had run away from the orphanage that night, just like Kylo Ren was running away right now, his face horror-struck and his bare right hand clutched tightly in the left one.

He was just like her. Kylo Ren was a mutant.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey think about each other (no reylo interaction in this chapter)  
> A little bit of Kylo's backstory. Leia invites Rey for dinner. Rey meets Han and also discovers that Kylo is Han and Leia's son.

He was horrified. Kylo Ren couldn’t believe what had transpired in the last few minutes.

When he had walked into Coruscant University not even an hour ago, he had not even imagined something like this could happen. It was just one of his frequent visits. He had been sneaking into the university campus every three of four months since the last seven years, ever since he had run away.

Leaving everything behind had been difficult. But it had been the right thing to do. He knew it. He couldn’t stay and keep hurting the people around him. But he missed his mother, he missed Leia.

He didn’t stop to catch a breath till he was outside the university and back into his car. He had been a student here himself, a literature student. He had always loved reading and writing.

He was not Kylo Ren then, he was ‘Ben Solo’. He was the son of one of the best professors of the most famous university in the country and a successful racer named Han Solo. Yes, his parents’ busy lives meant that he kept craving for their love all the time. Yet, he was satisfied. He always told himself that his life was way better than a lot of people and that he should be grateful. Everything was fine till he turned eleven and his mutant powers began to manifest.

His mother was a mutant too. She could manipulate fire. She had anticipated that this would happen. One night, she had come to his room to check on him and had leaned down to give him a goodnight kiss. Just as her lips brushed his forehead, she froze and fell on the ground, her face pale and eyes wide. Ben was horrified. He leaned down next to her and started crying and shouting for help. He cupped his mother’s face in his hand but that only made matters worse, her breath started hitching so he pulled away. His father’s face went white when he entered the room, out of breath from running. He ordered Ben to stay away from Leia as he went to call her twin brother, Ben’s uncle Luke. Luke was a mutant too, a very powerful telepath and telekinetic.

Luke helped treat Leia and then had a small conversation with Ben. “Your powers are a gift Ben, I will help you to control them”, he told the young boy.

But he was wrong. Ben’s powers were not a gift. Rather, they were a curse. Moreover, nothing Luke Skywalker did could help him control his powers. With time, Ben’s powers became more and more pronounced.

He took away the energy, the life force of any human or mutant he touched. In case of mutants, he could also absorb their powers for a while.

He moved to his uncle’s school for mutant children. His parents and uncle felt that it would make him feel better to be surrounded by kids who were just like him. He wouldn’t have to hide his true self anymore. However, they were wrong again.

Everyone at the school was scared of him. Yes, they were all mutants, but none of them had powers like Ben had. They could lift things with their mind, move through walls, teleport, and so much more. But none of them had the potential to kill someone by just touching them. Ben only ended up feeling lonelier.

He was doomed to wear full sleeves and gloves for the rest of his life. Doomed to live a loveless life. Every time he saw a couple kiss, a pang shot through his heart. It hurt him to think that he could never experience romantic love, that he would forever remain alone.

Years of separation had only widened the distance between him and his parents. His mother gave him hugs sometimes but his father had stopped even touching him. It broke his heart but he never admitted it, he was a Solo after all, too proud to lay bare his heart.

When he turned eighteen, he applied at Coruscant University. As expected, his parents were not happy. They thought it was too risky. His father told him that they had enough money to support him even if he didn’t work his whole life. Ben argued that he wanted to study literature because he loved the subject. He had been living according to others for so long, for once he wanted to live for himself and do something that made him happy. They gave in, well at least Leia did. Han walked away fuming, like he always did. Leia found solace in the fact that he would at least be in the same university as her and hence she would be able to check on him.

All was well for three years. But then…on his graduation day…something happened. Something that made him leave it all behind. Something that made him change his name from ‘Ben Solo’ to ‘Kylo Ren’. Something that shook him to the core. Something that kept him up all night. Something that he didn’t want to think about ever again, especially not now.

He was crying now. Time may have toughened Kylo Ren, but somewhere deep inside he was still the twenty-one year old Ben Solo who was so scared of his powers that he had run away from everything. He covered his face with his hands, one bare and the other gloved, and rested his forehead on the steering wheel.

As the bare skin of his right hand brushed against his face, he wondered- why couldn’t his touch kill him too? It would be a lot easier if he were dead. Everyone around him would be safe. He could have killed that young boy today. He remembered his name, the girl had called him Finn. The girl…damn her and her curiosity. All these years no one had noticed him sneaking around the university, he was always so discreet. No one but her. She had ruined everything. He could never sneak in to watch his mother again. And yet…she had given him that look. She was not mad at him for hurting her friend. Her eyes were trying to convey that she understood. But how? Was she a mutant too? Was she just like him?

_No. No one is like me. Even if she is a mutant, she is nothing like me. I’m a monster._

If she was a mutant…maybe he would finally find someone who understood him, someone whom he could confide in. He wouldn’t be alone. But he had known other mutants before and they were _all_ scared of him.

_What am I even thinking? I am cursed. I will forever remain alone. I am damned to remain touch starved all my life._

He had to find out if the boy was alright though. He couldn’t live with the guilt. And the girl was his mother’s student. Perhaps she was close to his mother as well, she was concerned enough to question him about his intentions on watching him observing Leia. He could ask her about his mother’s well-being.

What had that boy called her? Ahhh…Rey.  

Maybe this ‘Rey’ could turn out to be the ‘ray of hope’ in his life.

 

Rey had been holding Finn’s hands for five minutes when suddenly he opened his eyes and began gasping for breath. He couldn’t speak for a few seconds and Rey helped him sit up while he took in the air in huge gulps.

“What the hell, Rey? Who was he? _What was he?_ ”

Ouch. That hurt.

Finn knew Rey was a mutant and he never stopped loving her despite that. However, like everyone else, he was wary of every other mutant and didn’t consider most of them as beings with feelings.

“He is a person, Finn. He is not a _thing_. He is a mutant, just like _me_.”

“No, sweetheart. He is nothing like you. He could have killed me, your powers can only heal people.”

It was true. Her powers couldn’t hurt anyone. But what if she had Kylo’s powers? She didn’t know exactly what his powers were but she knew he could hurt people. Badly. Would Finn still be her friend?

“Finn, we mutants don’t get to choose our powers, okay? Many mutants have dangerous powers but they can do nothing about it. You didn’t see him, I did. There was so much fear and regret etched on his face. He didn’t hurt you on purpose!”

Finn was shocked to say the least.

“Woah, wait! Weren’t you the one chasing him and arguing with him? And now that he almost killed me, you feel compassion for him? I can’t believe you!”

He got up, gathered his belongings and started to walk away.

“I am going back to my class. See you later.”

Suddenly a thought struck Rey.

“Wait!”

Finn turned around, surprised.

“Why weren’t you in class when I was here arguing with that guy?”

He shrugged.

“I was going to the washroom when I saw you running out of your class. I got worried so I just followed you”.

“Oh.”

 Rey felt grateful to have such a caring friend. After all, her friends were the only family she had. This thought reminded her of the only other person apart from Finn whom she had willingly told the truth about her powers, Poe.

“Finn, listen. Please don’t tell Poe what happened today.”

Finn nodded and left. He knew damn well how much distrustful Poe was when it came to mutants.

Poe worshipped Leia. He wasn’t even her student but he had been following her blog ever since they were in school. He agreed with her on all matters except that of mutants. To him all mutants except Rey were dangerous and untrustworthy. But Rey, she was an angel to him. It broke her heart. Finn and Poe loved her a lot, but that feeling of loneliness never went away. There was no one who truly understood her. No one had been through what she had. No one but… _him_. The way he had looked at her, the hurt and the loneliness, she felt like she was staring at her own reflection.

But what was he doing here? And why was he staring at Leia? Perhaps he had come for help… Leia was an active supporter of mutant rights after all. She had to find out.

She looked at her watch and saw that there were still five minutes left for the lecture to be over.

She went back to her classroom and waited for all the students to come out. Every one of them stared at her as they walked away. Rey felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment. She walked in and saw Leia putting her books and other stuff in her bag. She looked up at her and held up her hand just as Rey tried to utter an apology.

“There’s no point apologizing if you keep repeating the same mistake. I have early morning classes twice a week with you and you have been late for at least one of them ever since the semester started. I know you are studying hard but that shouldn’t happen at the cost of your classes.”

Rey nodded, not quite meeting the older woman’s eyes. She was at a loss for words. Yes, she was studying really hard. But it wasn’t just because she wanted to do well in her classes, it was also because she couldn’t sleep. Work was just a distraction. She hadn’t slept properly ever since she had discovered that she was a mutant. The nightmares…they never seemed to go away. She lay on bed every night and kept tossing and turning for hours. There wasn’t a single night that her pillow wasn’t wet with tears. So she had adopted this new technique where she kept studying till her eyelids started drooping with tiredness. And then she slept like she hadn’t slept for ages. Sometimes Rose had to come barging into her room and shake her which made Rey jolt up in a fighting stance, ready to hit whoever had touched her. It was strange that even the loudest of alarms or Rose’s shouts never woke her up but even the slightest of touches jolted her awake. Perhaps it was fear. Fear of harm, which she had been accustomed to for as long as she could remember. She had been scared of people touching her. It had taken her a long time to get used to Finn and Poe’s hugs. How she wished Rose would come to her room first thing in the morning and shake her up. However, Rose tried to avoid the situation as much as possible because Rey’s reaction always freaked her out.

“Don’t look so crestfallen, my child. I can help you plan a schedule if you want to. And I will recommend you some good books so that you don’t have to go through every single book in the library”, Leia said encouragingly. “Also, I was wondering…would you like to come for dinner at my home tonight? My husband would be glad to meet you.”

Rey’s face brightened up. This offer looked like a silver lining in an otherwise gloomy day and she grabbed it.

“Thank you, professor Organa. That’s so kind of you. I will surely come.”

Leia smiled. She jotted down an address and phone number on a piece of paper and handed it to Rey.

“Here’s my address and phone number. Give me a call if you have any trouble finding my home.”

She patted Rey on the cheek and left the room.

Rey felt moisture in her eyes as she stared at the note. All her life she had craved for a family and even the smallest of gestures of love meant a lot to her. She kept hanging on to any person who gave her even the slightest of affection. It scared her sometimes. She dreaded that they would mistake her need for love for her being a clingy person. She feared that they would grow tired of her and leave her alone. Every one left her after all.

She tried to drive the sad thought away. Leia had invited her for dinner. She should be happy. And so, she plastered a smile on her face and went for her next class.

 

Rey stood outside a massive house at eight in the evening, waiting for someone to open the door. She smoothed her plain dress for the tenth time in the last five minutes.

_Calm down, Rey. It’s just a dinner._

But she couldn’t calm herself. She was scared. Scared that she was not looking presentable, that Leia’s husband won’t like her, and that she would disappoint Leia again.

While she was trying to cope with her inner turmoil, the door opened and Leia greeted her with a smile.

“Rey! You look so lovely. Please, come in.”

Rey smiled and stepped inside. She saw a man standing a few feet away.

 _Leia’s husband_.

She had never met him but somehow he looked…familiar? How was is possible?

He came forward and looked at Rey with a smile and offered her his hand.

“I’m Han Solo, kid. Your _beloved_ professor’s husband.”

Rey laughed and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Solo. I’m Rey.”

“Nice to meet you too, kid. Well, I’m starving. Let’s have dinner first and we’ll talk later.”

 

 

The dinner was wonderful. Leia was truly an amazing cook. They were now sitting in the living room and had been chatting for quite some time when Rey caught a glimpse of a photo frame hanging on the wall. The colour fell from her face as she recognised who it was.

The picture was taken years ago but she could still recognize those sensitive brown eyes, that slightly crooked nose, those plump lips and those raven locks. She understood now why Han had looked so familiar.

“Professor Organa, who’s that?”

She asked pointing at the picture. She knew the answer but she wanted Leia to say it herself because she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

Leia smiled sadly.

“That’s my son, Ben. He left us seven years ago. We haven’t been in touch ever since.”

Rey had been expecting that answer but she was not ready to acknowledge the truth. Her face conveyed her shock, her regret and her sadness.

“Rey, do you know him? Have you met my son?”

Leia read her expression and looked at her hopefully.

_I can’t tell her the truth. Not yet, at least._

She spoke in hurried tones-

“No! No, I don’t know anything about him. I-I just-I just remembered that I have some work to do. Thank you so much for the dinner but I need to leave now.”

She got up abruptly and started walking towards the door.

Leia eyed her doubtfully.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I need to leave. I’m really sorry but thanks a lot for everything.”

She gave Leia a small hug and then looked at Han. He looked concern. She smiled and bid him goodbye.

She was soon in her dorm room. The university campus was not far from Leia’s house.

Rose, who was sitting on the couch reading a book, looked up at her and smiled.

“Hey! How was the din-”

She stopped mid-sentence when she looked at Rey’s teary eyed face.

“Not now. Please.” And with that Rey shut herself in her room and started crying silently.

She had only lied partially when she told Leia she didn’t know her son. The man she had met wasn’t Ben Solo, he was Kylo Ren. She was crying because she felt regret. She understood now why Kylo had sneaked into the university. He wanted to see his mother. She didn’t have a family but she craved for one. He had a family but for some reason he couldn’t live with them. Was it because of his powers? Her heart ached. He was a mutant just like her. Perhaps, as lonely as she was. She had misunderstood him.

_I need to see him again. I need to talk to him._

These were her last thoughts as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!! I hope you all like this chapter.  
> I've written a few chapters in advance and will try to update every Thursday or Friday. I'm really busy with college rn and my finals are in 2 months so I'm not getting much time to write.  
> If you have any questions about the story or would like to talk to me, my tumblr is [@the-bibliophile-jedi](http://the-bibliophile-jedi.tumblr.com/)  
> My ask box is always open and I'm a chatterbox, I love talking!!  
> And please leave comments, they are really encouraging <3  
> P.S. Please please please listen to 'So Far Away' by Martin Garrix bcoz it's such a reylo song. Seriously! I listen to it when I'm writing the sad parts of my fic. And watch the video as well because there's a lot of blue and red in the video and there is one part which reminded me of that cave scene in TLJ. [here's the link](https://youtu.be/o7iL2KzDh38)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey meet again (and talk about Harry Potter too :P ) They discuss their mutant powers and Rey tells Kylo a bit about her past.

The next day, Rey was sitting in Professor Amilyn Holdo’s class studying about reproduction. It was the last class for the day but Rey’s spirits were very low. It had always been a depressing topic for her. She was always scared of having kids. Always scared of passing her mutant powers to an innocent child and making his or her life hell. Mutants, on being discovered, had been subjected to unspeakable atrocities. If she were to have a child and be discovered in the aftermath of it, what kind of future would that poor kid have? And what if the child’s powers were discovered too?

She often wondered if her parents were mutants too. Perhaps they were killed and she had been sent off to the orphanage after that. There was no evidence for it but it made Rey feel…important. It hurt less to think that her parents had not wilfully dumped her.

She even wondered whether she would ever completely trust a man enough to be with him. She had known a lot of really nice guys but no one could have understood her. They might have even hated her on finding out that she was a mutant. And she didn’t want to be dishonest in a relationship.

She shook away these depressing thoughts and focussed on what Professor Holdo was saying.

Just as the class ended and she walked out, she felt a presence nearby. She looked over her shoulder but there was no one to be seen so she kept walking towards the dorms.

****

Kylo had been watching Rey since her last class. He had started following her just as she got out, waiting for an opportunity when she wasn’t surrounded by people so that he could talk to her.

He kept following her absent-mindedly. She walked into the parking lot and disappeared behind a car. He followed her and…she wasn’t there!

_What the hell? Did she just disappear into thin air?_

He kept looking around confusedly when suddenly he heard a voice right behind him.

“You know, stalking someone is not a nice thing.”

Kylo started and turned around. How the hell did she get there? He blinked, clearly at a loss for words. He finally cleared his throat and spoke.

“I was not stalking you. I was just looking for an opportunity to talk.”

Rey raised her eyebrows.

“You ought to be more careful. People will think you’re…up to something.”

Kylo crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side.

“Firstly, I have been sneaking in here and following people around for seven years and no one noticed me. I have always been careful. No one noticed me all these years. And suddenly out of nowhere, an eighteen year-old girl shows up and ruins all my plans. I can’t imagine how. Who are you? An undercover agent?”

He raised his hand before Rey began speaking to stop her from interrupting him. It reminded her of Leia. She had done the same thing the previous day. The way he spoke, the slight creases that appeared on his forehead as he concentrated on what he was saying, the way he gesticulated, it reminded her so much of Leia. He may have taken after his father, but his habits, they were just like his mother, the woman Rey had grown to love so much in such a short span of time. The thought brought a small smile to her face.

“Secondly, did you just quote _Severus Snape_ to me?”

Rey’s smile widened. She hadn’t expected him to catch the reference but he did. It was supposed to be her private joke. But quite unexpectedly, he had turned out to be a potterhead just like her and she was also enjoying this conversation so she decided to speak the truth.

“Yeah, you remind me of him that’s why. And no, I’m not an undercover agent. I’m just _very_ observant.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“What about me reminds you of Snape?”

“Your long black hair, your all-black clothes and there’s something _mysterious_ about you. Just like Snape.”

“Well, unlike him, I’m not a bully.”

“I don’t know you and I don’t trust you. Not yet, at least. Perhaps you are a bully. Who knows? What if you are even a murderer like him?”

Rey had only said it as a joke, but the way Kylo flinched immediately made her regret what she had said.

“What makes you think he was a murderer? The only person he killed in the books was Dumbledore and only because he was asked to.”

“Well he _was_ a death eater for a few years before turning into a double-agent. I’m pretty sure he killed people in that time period. Anyway, what’s your deal? Not even a minute ago you called him a bully and now you’re supporting him.”

“I’m not his fan but I don’t hate him either. I think we all have some good and bad qualities. It’s just that some have more bad qualities than good and vice versa. You can’t deny that some of the best characters from the books have some undeniable faults in their character. We are all flawed. No one is perfect. I guess, no one can be or should be perfect. That’s what makes us human. We should embrace both the light and darkness inside us. But that doesn’t mean we can be forgiven for all the mistakes we had done. Accepting our true-self is the first step towards bettering ourselves but everyone has to repent. And we should never stop trying to amend all the wrongs we have done. We can’t be perfect, but at least we can become better individuals.”

For a moment, Rey was speechless. _Woah, that was deep_.

She just kept looking at him. What he had said had touched her somehow. Partly because she couldn’t imagine this tall and bulky man having such deep thoughts and partly because he had put into words so beautifully what she had only fragmented ideas about.

She had been hoping to break away the armour of Kylo Ren to get to know Ben Solo. She didn’t know why but this man’s history interested her as much as her own. Standing there, staring at him looking so lost in his thoughts, she reflected that perhaps this was the first crack in his armour, the man she was looking at right now wasn’t Kylo, he was Ben. When he finally turned his eyes on her, he flushed under the intensity of her gaze. He could feel his ears going red and felt glad that his hair covered them.

Rey found it strangely adorable. This 6’3 sturdy man looking so shy and embarrassed should have made her laugh but she felt and unexpected warmth for him. They just kept looking at each other for a while.

He broke the silence first.

“Well…your views?”

“Huh?”

“Snape.”

“Oh, yes. Same, I guess.”

She sighed.

“We need to talk.”

“We need to talk.”

They both spoke at the same moment.

Kylo nodded and looked around.

“Yeah, but not here. Can you come with me to my apartment?”

Rey raised her eyebrows at this. Kylo raised his arms in surrender.

“Only if you are comfortable. It’s just that…I can’t go to public places. It’s not safe. Not just because someone might overhear us but also because of what happened yesterday.”

Rey nodded.

“Fine, let’s go to your apartment then.”

***

They hadn’t spoken a word to each other during the drive to his apartment. Rey had dropped a text to Rose informing her that she would be late.

Kylo’s apartment was in a secluded part of the city. The sight of the place where he lived filled her heart with gloom. So lonely, dark and depressing. His apartment building itself looked so dingy. Rey wondered how he managed to live in such a place. She even wondered if anyone other than him even lived in there. However, she didn’t voice her thoughts.

They got inside his apartment and as Kylo locked the door he took a deep breath.

“How’s your friend now? Finn, right?”

Rey looked around as she spoke. His apartment was sparsely furnished and everything around was black.

“He’s perfectly fine.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

Rey knew he spoke the truth. The look on his face at that moment was etched in her memory.

“Yeah, I know. Is that the reason why you wear gloves all the time?”

“Yeah. Not just gloves, that’s why I try to keep as much skin covered as possible.”

He shrugged.

“What exactly are your powers? Look, I know you _are_ a mutant so there’s no point lying.”

“All in good time. But yes, I am a mutant and I guess you are too. And I promise, from this moment, I will be completely honest with you. But firstly, I need to know how you cured your friend and I need to tell you why I was there yesterday.”

Rey took a deep sigh. If he was being honest with her, so should she.

“I know why you were there yesterday. I know Leia is your mother.”

He blinked. _Wait. She knew? How?_

“How?”

And so Rey told him.

He sat down on the small black couch listening intently and she took one of the chairs of the dining table. She wondered why he even needed a dining table if he was always alone.

When she had finished, Ben looked at her with tears in his eyes.

“She misses me?”

Rey smiled, her heart overflowing with warmth and an unexplainable ache for the man sitting in front of her.

“Yes, a lot. Of course she does. And I’m sure, so does your father.”

He shook his head.

“No, he doesn’t. Please don’t talk to me about him.”

Running his left hand through his hair, he continued-

“Yes, I went to check on my mother. I have been doing so every few months since I ran away. Now tell me how you helped cure your friend?”

Rey was shocked at his reaction but answered him anyway.

“With my powers. Biological manipulation, you know. I can manipulate any person’s genetics to heal injuries and most diseases, including my own.”

He was fascinated. Their powers were completely opposite. But there was something…something about her that made him that feel they were one and the same.

_What is wrong with me?_

He shrugged, partly trying to clear his mind off such ideas.

“Well, I guess you are lucky. You wanted to know about my powers? Every time I touch someone, I absorb their life force and their powers too in case of mutants. My touch hurts and can even kill people. Very easily.”

Rey didn’t know what to say. The way he said it, unfeeling and remorseless, he could have fooled anyone into believing that he didn’t care. Anyone but her. She saw in his eyes what no one else could. Her eyes may be hazel and his brown, but the misery they conveyed made her feel that those eyes were a replica of her own.

He looked away as he couldn’t hold her gaze. He was not used to this, admitting his feelings to someone and she seemed to see right into his heart. He felt a lump in his throat and had to wait for a minute to speak again.

“And don’t you dare give me that shit about my powers being a gift. They are not. Honestly? They are a curse.”

She took a deep breath and finally spoke.

“No, I won’t say that. I don’t believe that your powers are a gift. I honestly don’t believe that my powers are a gift either. I have lived in fear all my life. I would be better off without them. Many mutants have it easy- concealable powers, lots of money. It’s easy for them to call their powers a gift. I’ve been struggling all my life to hide my identity and my powers are nothing like yours. I can’t even imagine what life would have been like for you.”

She was the first person who had understood him. Actually understood him. His father had never even tried and his mother and uncle had only ever given him fake hopes and consolations instead of accepting the truth and helping him cope with it. The rest had either not known about his powers or were too scared to interact.

And here was this girl he had just met and she empathised with him in a way that his family couldn’t for years. Yes, talking about his feelings had always been impossible but every second with her was somehow making it easier.

His eyes finally found hers and he asked-

“Where do you come from?”

She laughed.

“That’s classified.”

“Classified?”

“Yeah, big secret.”

He rolled his eyes.

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. I was just wondering because of the British accent.”

She smiled sadly and shook her head.

“No, it’s not that. I don’t know myself, actually. I’m an orphan.”

_Oh._

He was too dumfounded to reply.

_She must have had a tough life and being a mutant must have made it even harder._

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. Well, about the accent…I think my parents were British. I was dropped into the orphanage when I was three or four, according to what I’ve been told. I have no memories of them.”

Kylo nodded and smiled kindly.

“Well, studying in the best university while being an orphan is quite an achievement. You must be really smart.”

She smiled back and shrugged.

“I guess.”

“How did you figure out that I was a mutant?”

Her forehead creased and she started chewing her lip as she thought back to what had happened the day before.

_Was that only yesterday?_

So much had happened in such a short span of time.

She took a minute to calm herself before speaking.

“When I saw the look on your face, I couldn’t help thinking back to the time when I my face had been an echo of yours. The same expression, the same emotions coursing through my veins, and I knew in an instant what must have evoked such a reaction. I…I was in an orphanage with my best friend, Finn, the guy from yesterday. Yeah, he too is an orphan just like me. It was my second orphanage because I had run away from the first one when the people there had discovered that I was a mutant. I had run fifty miles in two days’ time, the small ration I had sneaked away with was finished and I was lying on a bench, ready to pass out any moment when a kind lady helped me. She drove me my new home after giving me some food. Anyway, the head of our orphanage, Unkar Plutt, was a horrible man. He used to beat us a lot. One time he had beaten up Finn so much that he started bleeding very badly. I couldn’t help myself and hence, I heeled Finn’s injuries, revealing my powers to him and unknowingly to that beast too. I felt just the same as you did yesterday. I saw it on your face. That’s how I knew you were a mutant too.”

She didn’t know why she was telling him so much about her past, didn’t know how she could share her secrets so easily with a guy she had known for only a day. Yes, he was a mutant too and he could understand her better than others, she could talk to him about all the fears she couldn’t confess to Finn and Poe but…it was still too early to open up her heart to him. And yet, she couldn’t help pouring out her feelings. Somehow, it only felt the most natural thing to do. She didn’t know the feeling was mutual, neither did he.

His heart ached for her, as did his arms to reach out to her. But the fear of hurting her and the fact that even though they were sharing their deepest secrets, they were still nobodies to each other stopped him from doing so.

_I may be nothing to her but she definitely means something to me._

And their contrasting lives yet similar experiences struck him again. He had lived in a lavish house, had a family, never had been deprived of any comfort but his powers had driven him away from everyone, forced him into a life of solitary confinement. She had been blessed with wonderful powers but she had no one to call her own, never had any basic comforts. For completely opposite reasons, they had both been victims of loneliness.

“What happened then?”

He urged her to go on. She was touched that he cared enough to listen to her.

“Finn and I ran away together. Plutt would have killed me or handed me over to those scientist freaks that experiment on mutants. And Finn…well he wouldn’t have spared him either.”

“Finn doesn’t mind that you’re a mutant?”

She nodded as she replied.

“He was my best friend and well…my powers aren’t dangerous, you know.”

He laughed dryly. She knew he understood Finn wouldn’t approve of him just because his best friend was a harmless mutant. He asked her to continue.

“Our closest friend from school, Poe Dameron gave us shelter in his house for the remaining school years. His parents are really kind. They didn’t want anything in return for their generosity but Finn and I insisted on paying them rent, which we managed to arrange by doing part-time jobs. We told them initially that we escaped because Plutt was abusive, which was true of course. It was only after a few months that we confessed the truth to Poe. And yes, Poe is worse when it comes to trusting mutants.”

She smiled sadly. Earlier, it had only been a source of agony but this was the first time that her friends’ attitude was making her cringe inwardly, making her feel a bit ashamed.

Kylo leaned forward and spoke-

“I need a small favour, Rey. But before that, is there anything else you want to ask me?”

Rey sat up straight and pondered.

_Hmm…what do I want to know?_

Her eyes lit up and she asked curiously-

“What’s with all the black?”

“What?”

“Your clothes are black, the walls in your apartment are black, the curtains are black, even the furniture is black. Hey, by the way, your hair is black too even though your parents don’t have black hair.”

She waved her hand at him as he tried to protest.

“Yeah, your dad has grey hair now but I have been to your house and seen old pictures, okay? Have you been colouring your hair ever since you were a kid? Why are you so obsessed with black?”

“No, that’s my natural hair colour and I like black, okay? It’s such a classic colour!”

He sounded offended but he was amused. Out of all the things she could have asked, she had asked him why he preferred everything black. It may seem the most absurd thing to ask and yet it showed how much attention she paid to everything. Any other person would have ignored this detail considering it just a stupid colour preference but she understood he had a reason for his choice.

She was now leaning against her chair, arms crossed and eyebrows raised, clearly not believing what he had said.

“Oh c’mon. You really want me to believe that you are just like a 12 year old girl whose entire room is pink because she loves that colour?”

He gave in, he had promised to be truthful after all.

“It’s just that…I feel that this colour reflects the darkness inside my soul. It represents my life.”

“Okayyy…but since your life is so depressing, shouldn’t you surround yourself with bright things?”

“No, it won’t help and I don’t want to.”

Rey shrugged.

_This guy is really intense._

“Fine. Your turn now. You said you wanted my help?”

He nodded.

“Right. Can you please look after my mother? From what you told me, I know you both are really close and I know she misses me. Just spend some more time with her. And…keep telling me about her. Also, next time I sneak into college, don’t raise an alarm.”

He had smiled while speaking the last bit and she smiled back, thinking of their encounter the previous day.

“Sure, I can do that.”

And then a sudden thought crossed her mind.

“By the way, what was your parents’ reaction when they found out that you were a mutant?”

“My powers did shock them, even scared them to be honest. But they were expecting it. My mother and her twin brother are mutants too after all.”

Okay. She was not expecting to hear this. These two days had been full of shocking revelations but this was the most unexpected one.

“Are you serious?”

“She’s my mother, Rey.”

She collapsed on her chair and sighed.

“Yeah, sorry. Hard to believe.”

He snorted.

“Yeah, she’s good at pretending.”

There was pain and bitterness behind those words. Rey felt it. She wanted to know more about him, every secret he had buried inside his heart.

_Maybe later. We met only yesterday._

She looked at her phone. It was getting late.

“I need to get back.”

He agreed.

“Fine. I’ll drop you.”

It had been an eventful day and Rey was tired. She wondered if she would get a peaceful sleep for a change. But for the first time it didn’t matter as much as it used to because for the first time, she felt that she wasn’t alone.

_And neither is he._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!!! I loved writing this chapter because of the HP bit. I'm a hugeeeeeee fan of the series and HP references are part of my everyday life so I couldn't resist myself. Also, Snape says that line in the first movie. And yes, what Kylo says about Snape mirrors my thoughts.
> 
> Sorry about the one day delay. I've had a lot of tests and assignments. Also, I have a class test next Friday so the next chapter will be up by the evening of 23rd (IST) :(
> 
> Also there I stole some lines from TFA :P that conversation between Rey and BB8 when they first meet.
> 
> As always, my tumblr is @the-bibliophile-jedi if you want to talk about Reylo, Star Wars, Harry Potter or even Marvel and books.
> 
> P.S. If you like my work or have some sugestions on how I can improve it, please leave comments. They always bring a smile on my face :)))))


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo drives Rey back to the university and they chat. Rey tells Finn about her conversation with Kylo. Rey talks to Leia about working on a mutant research project. Rey and Kylo text each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a lot about Infinity War and Harry Potter towards the end because I saw the second Infinity War trailer and Crimes of Grindelwald trailer and I FREAKED OUT!!

Rey was sitting in his car, going over their conversation as he drove.

Kylo looked at her affectionately and asked-

 “What are you thinking?”

“I was wondering…what do you do for a living? How do you pay your bills?”

He chuckled and she couldn’t help smiling.

_He looks so cute while laughing._

“I am a book critic for a magazine called ‘The First Order’. Have you heard of it?”

Rey sat up straight, totally into the conversation.

“Of course, it’s a very famous magazine. How did you get a job there?”

“The guy who owns the company, Armitage Hux, is an old friend and a mutant. He once came to my mum for help and that’s how we became friends. I went to him after I ran away and he was generous enough to offer me a job.”

Then all of a sudden, he laughed out loud and said-

“Generous? Hux? What am I saying? The guy is as cold as the ice his hands turn everything into. He was indebted to my mother actually. That’s the only reason why he agreed to help me.”

Rey’s eyes widened.

“He can turn things into ice?”

“Oh, yes. It really suits him, you know. If you ever get the chance of holding his cold and remorseless gaze, you will completely agree with me.”

“Doesn’t seem like a nice man to me.”

“He’s not really that bad and I shouldn’t be so ungrateful, he’s the only friend I have.”

“Well, you have me now.”

He turned to look at her, his eyes full of emotion. He hoped she understood how much what she had said had meant to him.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything.”

And then she laughed, confusing him.

“What?”

“Firstly, keep your eyes on the road. Secondly, a book critic? I wasn’t expecting that. I think you have taken it into your head to keep surprising me with everything you say.”

“What’s wrong with me being a book critic, though?”

She shook her head, still laughing. Her laugh was contagious. He could listen to it all day.

“Nothing wrong with it. It’s just that you are so tall and muscular…you look more like a bodyguard, especially since you’re always in black.”

He rolled his eyes at her. She stopped laughing before speaking again.

“Is your entire wardrobe black, though? And by the way, how do you get groceries and all the other stuff if you stay inside all the damn time? Except when you’re spying on your mother, of course.”

He was amused. He was growing more attached to her with every passing moment. He now understood why his mother had grown to love this girl so much.

“Will your questions ever end?”

She tapped a finger on her chin, pretending to think.

“Ummm…no.”

He laughed.

“Alright, back to your _never-ending_ questions. I think ninety percent of my clothes are black and I buy all my stuff online.”

“Okay.”

He thought her investigations were finally over when suddenly she spoke his name again in an anxious tone.

“Kylo?”

“Yes, Rey?”

“Why did you change your name?”

He stiffened before answering.

“I didn’t want my parents to know where I am. I knew they would try to find me, at least my mother would. I can’t say the same thing about Han. I think he was actually relieved to know that I wouldn’t be around him anymore to torment him.”

“So…should I call you Kylo or Ben?”

“I’m not Ben Solo anymore.”

She nodded and spoke after a little pause-

“Why do you hate your father? Give me an honest answer.”

He paused for a few seconds to collect his thoughts.

“I don’t hate him.”

“Then _why_?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you speak of him that way?”

He took a deep breath before answering her. He needed all the courage he could muster to stop himself from breaking down. The memories from his childhood flooded his mind, consuming him, as he spoke again.

“He never cared for me, he was never around when I was a child. Always busy with his racing tournaments and parties. When my powers started to show, he completely left me on my own. He is a human and it is understandable that my powers freaked him out, but he never gave me the love and support I craved. Imagine what a child of eleven must have felt, a child who was already so scared. Sometimes I feel I would have been better off without him.”

Rey flinched. He felt guilty. He shouldn’t have said that, especially considering the fact that she didn’t have parents and understood their importance. He apologised.

“I’m sorry. I think when we get something easily, we take it for granted. We only realise its importance when it’s gone.”

She shook her head.

“No, I don’t blame you for feeling that way. We have had very different lives, two people can’t have the same opinion about everything.”

They didn’t speak any more. Rey just kept staring at him, tracing his handsome features with her eyes. Her gaze lingered at his soft and plump lips and she wondered how kissing him could hurt someone. She wondered what she would feel if she touched his soft pale skin, if she put her lips on his. Would she feel their softness? Would it just be pain or would there be some pleasure too?

She tried shaking away these thoughts. She couldn’t understand what was wrong with her.

They soon reached their destination. It was Kylo who broke the silence.

“We’re here.”

“Yeah, finally.”

She turned to him and spoke again-

“Give me your phone number.”

“My phone number?”

“Yeah, how else am I supposed to contact you, silly?”

“Oh, right.”

“And by the way, I would prefer texts because telephonic conversations make me nervous.”

He jerked back, clearly surprised by her response-

“Wait. You too?”

She blinked, slightly taken aback herself-

“Wow. I thought I was the only one.”

“So did I.”

They exchanged their numbers and she got out of the car. She turned towards him before shutting the passenger seat’s door.

“Thanks for dropping me.”

“Thanks for listening to me.”

She smiled affectionately.

“See you soon. Good bye.”

“Good bye.”

And she turned around and swiftly walked inside the gates. For a few minutes, Kylo just kept staring at the place where she had stood. Then he shook his head to clear his mind and drove away into the darkness.

Rey didn’t sleep peacefully that night. But it wasn’t the memories of the past and the fear of future that haunted her, she dreamt of black hallways and brown eyes, the same brown eyes that she had spent half her day gazing into.

***

“No, no, no! I can’t believe you’re actually asking me to trust him!”

Finn was shouting at Rey. Rey whispered in reply-

“Sshhh! For God’s sake, keep your voice down.”

“Fine. But seriously, Rey? That guy almost killed me and the very next day you were having a heart to heart conversation with him? In his apartment? How could you go to his apartment? What’s wrong with you?”

Rey and Finn were sitting in the university’s cafeteria and she had told him everything about Kylo Ren that was meant to be told. She had obviously omitted the personal stuff.

“Finn, please. He is not a bad person. It’s just that his powers are dangerous.”

“Exactly! He’s dangerous and you should stay away from him.”

“No, I will not stay away from him. In fact, I’m going to help him.”

He narrowed his eyes at her.

“I don’t like that guy at all and I will prove it to you that he’s not worthy of your trust. That’s a promise.”

Rey rolled her eyes. She should have known that Finn would never look past his prejudices towards mutants and trust Kylo, especially not after what had happened between them.

“Yeah, fine. But unless you find any proof to support your distrust of him, just let me do what I want to, alright?”

Finn consented half-heartedly.

“Okay. But believe me, you’re going to regret this.”

Rey didn’t reply. There was no point. She knew nothing she said would convince him. But she had to tell him the truth, he was her best friend.

Finn leaned back on his chair and sighed. They remained sitting that way for a few minutes when suddenly Finn jumped in his seat.

“Oh, no.”

“What’s wrong?”

He turned towards Rey, his eyes full of anxiety.

“Poe!”

And then it struck her.

“Oh, God!”

“He’ll get a heart attack when he finds out about Leia.”

“We can’t tell him, Finn!”

“But he’s our closest friend! He gave us a home, Rey. We can’t hide the truth from him.”

“We’ll tell him later, okay? Not now.”

He put his head down on the table and nodded.

“This is such a fucked up situation.”

Rey huffed in response and muttered to herself-

“Tell me about it.”

***

Rey waited for Leia’s class to get over to have a chat with her. She knew that Leia had been doing a research on mutant genetics for over a year. She wasn’t the first person to do so, but she was certainly the first person to do it in a way which didn’t involve hurting mutants. Every other scientist involved in such a research was known to treat mutants a lot worse than lab rats and their research was always conducted with the aim of proving how dangerous mutants are or to weaponize them. The motive of Leia’s research was to prove just the opposite and the identities of all the mutants who gave their cell samples were kept confidential.

Rey had wanted to help Leia in her research ever since she had heard about it but she had always been afraid of revealing her identity in the process. Finn and Poe had advised her against it too. But now she was finally giving into her earlier wishes. She was going to ask Leia if she could be a part of her research.

It was a way to be able to spend a little more time with Leia, she was trying to keep her promise with Kylo and in doing so she was also fulfilling her own wish of being a part of this project.

The class ended and Rey waited as everyone left the room. Leia looked up at her and smiled as she approached.

“What is it, Rey?”

“Professor, I heard about your research project on mutants. I would like to be a part of it.”

Leia was amazed.

“Why?”

“Because…I think you are doing a really great job. Just like you, I believe that mutants are misunderstood and that they are treated horribly.”

Leia didn’t say anything for a while and kept studying her, as if trying to figure out her motives behind her unusual request. She was the first student who had volunteered to work with her on this project after all.

Then she nodded with a smile. Rey let out a breath she didn’t realise she had been holding.

“Meet me at 5 pm in the lab.”

Rey was all smiles as she enthusiastically replied-

“Thank you, Professor!! I’ll be there on time.”

***

Kylo was sitting on his laptop, working on a book review, when suddenly his cell phone beeped. He was reviewing a romance novel, the genre he disliked the most. The books that he gave the least ratings usually belonged to this genre.

He sighed, frustrated, as he picked up his phone to check the message. The name on the screen made him smile, something he had forgotten to do for years. Something that he was getting very much used to ever since meeting the person whose name flashed on his cell phone’s screen. It was Rey.

 **Rey:** Mission accomplished!!!! Leia is letting me work with her on her mutant research project!!!!!!!!

Kylo chuckled, amused by her enthusiasm which was evident from the number of exclamation marks she had used.

 **Kylo:** That’s great! Thanks a lot for doing this for me :)

His phone beeped again in a matter of seconds.

 **Rey:** Why do you always keep thanking me??? We’re friends! This is the least I can do for you :))))))))))

 **Kylo:** You’re a wonderful person, Rey. I’m glad to have you as a friend.

 **Rey:** I don’t think you’ve been told this a lot of times but so are you!! I’m glad you knocked me over that day XD

He hadn’t even read the whole message when his phone beeped again.

 **Rey:** I hope I’m not keeping you away from work!

He looked at his laptop and his unfinished review, then he sighed and went back to texting her.

 **Kylo:** Nope, just chilling. What’s up?

 **Rey:** I’ll be watching a movie with Rose (my roommate) and then I’m going to the lab at 5 to work with Leia!

 **Kylo:** Cool! Which movie btw?

 **Rey:** Captain America: Civil War. We’ve decided to rewatch all Marvel movies because INFINITY WAR IS COMINGGG!!!!

He laughed as he pictured her excited face.

_So adorable._

**Kylo:** You’re a superhero fan?

 **Rey:** Of course!!! Aren’t you?

 **Kylo:** Not much…I don’t believe in the concept of superheroes. Though I have seen all the movies and I’ve enjoyed them too.

 **Rey:** Okayyy…Btw, team Captain America or team Iron Man? (I’m team Cap)

Kylo bit his lip as he considered. He had never really given it much thought before. He took a full minute to think before typing his answer. He knew Rey must have been growing impatient for a reply.

 **Kylo:** Iron Man for me.

Rey’s reply was immediate. She mustn’t have left her cell phone for even a second.

 **Rey:** But whyyyy????? Captain America was right all along!!!!

He had expected that response and he was prepared with his explanation.

 **Kylo:** Because Cap is kind of perfect and Tony Stark is a flawed individual and you know that I like flawed people more. They’re more relatable to me.

 **Rey:** But it’s just a movie! Why are you like this :/

 **Kylo:** Can’t help it :|

 **Rey:** *frustrated sigh* I guess I’ll just have to deal with it :|

Like I said before, two people can’t think the same way.

Kylo had a feeling that this little conversation was nearing its end. He didn’t want it to end so soon, his heart craved for more.

_Heart._

He gave a short mirthless laugh. He had started thinking that time had turned his heart to ice. Maybe it was true, after all his long lost feelings love and happiness had started showing signs of life only after his encounter with Rey. He needed her to bring warmth to his frozen heart, to learn to live and not just breathe.

He changed the topic of the conversation to something both of them liked a lot.

 **Kylo:** So I was wondering…why are you a fan of the Harry Potter series? I mean, what about it appeals to you the most?

He had to wait for a few minutes to get an answer. Clearly, she was thinking this through.

 **Rey:**  Well…partly because I find Harry relatable. You know, he’s an orphan just like me. And partly because unlike you, I still believe in heroes. This story gives me hope and hope is the only thing that has gotten me so far. What about you?

It was his turn to reflect upon this topic. He thought back to the time when he had run away from home. The first few months had been horrible. He had spent weeks crying, even tried to kill himself. Just when the knife was about to pierce the flesh of his wrist, the smiling visage of his mother came to his mind. He could hear her voice crystal clear, calling out his name affectionately. In his mind’s eye, he could see her giving his ten-year-old self a peck on the forehead as she caressed his face affectionately and said-

_I love you, Ben. You are my world._

And that stopped him. He remembered that he had once read somewhere that the dementors were created as a metaphor for depression and the fact that a single happy memory could drive them away meant that it could drive away depression too. He had clung to that thought and devoured the books once again. Every time he found himself falling into that bottomless pit again, he thought of his mother. He thought of how she used to comb his long hair, how she used to tell him bed-time stories, how proud she was when he had won first prize in the essay writing competition in second grade. The books had given him courage to face life and to face his inner demons. He had been fighting all his life, the books had given him strength to continue that fight.

 **Kylo:** There’s a battle waging inside me. This story has helped me continue that battle. I don’t know how long it will last, I don’t know which side will win, but I do know that I would have given up long ago if it hadn’t been for these books.

 **Rey:** You know, It’s nice to know someone for whom this story holds so much meaning, just like it does for me :) Btw, I gotta go! Time for movie, Rose will kill me if I don’t put my phone down right away XD

 **Kylo:** Bye! Enjoy the movie :)

Kylo finally put his phone down and went back to his review. For the first time in his career, his review for a romance novel wasn’t completely harsh. He didn’t know why but he had certainly given a better rating to this book than any other romance novel he had unwillingly read before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, sorry for the slightly late update. I have a lot of tests and finals are approaching. Haven't been able to write much.
> 
> Secondly, when I wrote about the 'remorseless gaze' of Hux, I was picturing that image from the visual dictionary ;)  
> Moreover, I borrowed a bit from that force bond scene from TLJ where Rey asks Kylo why he hated his father. I'm sure we all know which scene I'm talking about :P  
> Andddd just like Rey and Kylo, I hate telephone convos too. I get so nervous :(  
> Also, just saying, I'm team Iron Man :D
> 
> But most importantly, I almost cried while writing the last part where Kylo remembers how he contemplated suicide. And the dementors as a metaphor for depression have helped me fight my depression too. The HP books have given me hope in my darkest times.  
> Hence, I'm also thinking of combining two of my favourite fandoms for my next fic. I'm planning to write a Reylo Hogwarts AU. But only after my exams end. Let me know in the comments if I should go ahead with this idea?
> 
> And please leave comments about this chapter!! They mean a lot to me <3
> 
> Thank you for the wonderful response so far!!  
> As always, my tumblr is @the-bibliophile-jedi


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey thinks about her conversation with Kylo and later goes to the lab to work with Leia. THe next day she goes to meet Kylo but things don't turn out the way she wanted them to and a shocking revelation about Kylo's past awaits her...

Rey was sitting on the couch thinking over her conversation with Kylo while Rose prepared the popcorns. These days he was the only thing that occupied her mind. She had a habit of observing people and their reactions to different situations, it helped her understand human psychology. She had gotten really good at interpreting why people behave the way they do. But not him, she was finding it really hard to figure out what was going on inside his head. She was sure that she had come the closest to understanding the inner workings of his mind because of the similar experiences they shared. Yet, the path that led to the innermost secrets of his heart was still very long and full of obstacles. He was a puzzle that she desperately wanted to solve but she couldn’t find the right pieces.

She had tried to sound nonchalant in the last text and she was pretty sure she had done a convincing job. The text perfectly concealed her inner turmoil. What Kylo had said had disturbed her- greatly disturbed her.

_There’s a battle waging inside me…_

She was sure what it meant- a battle between good and bad. Till that time, she had just considered Kylo as someone who was misunderstood, a good guy forced into hiding because of his dangerous powers- a victim of the circumstances.

But now…now she had a feeling that he had a dark side as well, and the knowledge of this fact concerned her. She couldn’t fathom what dark secrets remained hidden in the young man’s heart. Part of her wanted to find out, part of her dreaded the truth.

She wasn’t scared for herself, she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. She was scared for him.

_He said he would have given up long ago._

Yes, she was scared for him. He was a very good man, there was more light in him than darkness but she was scared that the darkness was spreading, diminishing the light and taking over his heart.

She feared that he had tried hurting himself and he was capable of doing that again. She wanted to pull him out of the dark pit he was desperately trying to climb out of.

_There’s good in him. I’ll help him._

Rey jumped slightly in her seat and blinked as Rose snapped her fingers in front of her. She turned to look at her face and saw that she had raised her eyebrows and was looking at her smugly. Rey snapped at her-

“What?”

Rose smirked as she replied to her-

“I was just wondering what you were day dreaming about, or should I say _who_ you were day dreaming about?”

Rey rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated groan.

“He is just my friend Rose!”

“Oh, so you _were_ thinking about him,” Rose said with a mischievous grin which infuriated Rey.

“I told you, he is my _friend_!”

Rose cocked her head to one side, that mischievous grin still plastered to her face.

“Friend or boyfriend?”

“Hey!”

Rey threw a cushion at her face which she caught midway and fell back on the couch, laughing hysterically. Rey sat beside her, her arms crossed and her lips pursed tightly, as she waited for Rose to calm down. Rose spoked again when she finally gained composure.

“I invited Finn and Poe for the movie.”

“That’s great! But hey, please don’t start telling tales about me and _stop laughing!_ ”

“Okay! I won’t. I promise”, Rose spoke between bouts of laughter.

Just then, there was a knock on their door. Rey looked at Rose and spoke cheerfully-

“It must be them!”

“I’ll get the door.”

Rose went to open the door and Rey stood up to welcome her two best friends. She saw their smiling faces and her face lit up.

“Hey girls!” Poe greeted them enthusiastically.

Finn hugged his girlfriend and gave her a small peck of the lips and moved on to give Rey a hug while Poe chatted with Rose.

Rey hugged him tightly and he spoke in a whisper-

“Sorry about this morning. I uhh…I was worried about you.”

She squeezed him tightly as she said-

“It’s alright. Let’s just forget it.”

Finn broke the hug and smiled at her. Just then Poe rushed towards her with open arms and gave her a tight hug.

“Rey! I’ve missed you so much.”

Rey chuckled.

“Well, I’ve missed the best pilot of the galaxy too.”

Poe was studying aviation at the university and he was truly the best pilot she had ever seen. She was _not_ exaggerating when she called him the best pilot of the galaxy.

Poe chuckled and settled down on the couch.

“Let’s get started with the movie.”

Rose spoke as she went to get popcorns and Pepsi-

“Yeah, Rey needs to be at the lab at five. She’s helping Leia with that mutant research project from today.”

Poe sat up straighter and he and Finn exchanged a worried look. Then he said in a grave whisper-

“Rey, we talked about this. It’s not safe. People will start suspecting that you are a mutant.”

Rey sat down beside him and tried to convince him.

“Poe, trust me. I’m going to be _very_ careful. Leia’s not a mutant too, right? No one suspects her to be one. And a lot of non-mutants have shown her support over the years!”

She had looked at Finn as she had lied to Poe about Leia not being a mutant. His body had stiffened and he gave her a look which could clearly be interpreted as the Poe-will-kill-us-when-he-finds-out-the-truth look.

Poe gave a frustrated sigh and held up both his hands in the air.

“God, you’re so stubborn! Fine, I give up. Do what you want but just be careful.”

Rey nodded.

Rose came back with the snacks and they started watching the movie. Finn had deliberately chosen to sit between Rey and Rose and Rey was pretty sure why.

Thirty minutes into the movie Finn leaned over to her ear and spoke in a barely audible whisper-

“You’re doing this for _him_ , aren’t you?”

Rey winced. He didn’t have to say the name. The amount of disgust with which he had said the word ‘him’ had ascertained that he was definitely talking about Kylo. She nodded without looking at him, she didn’t want to meet his eyes.

He sighed sadly and whispered in reply to her nod-

“You’re going to regret this.”

Rey too had a feeling she might regret her actions but there was no turning back from the path she had taken. She did not _want_ to turn back.

***

At 5 pm, Rey was standing outside the lab, waiting for Leia. She had come five minutes ago, not wanting to disappoint her professor again. She heard the clicking of heels on the floor and turned around to see Leia walking towards her with a smile.

“It’s good to see that you are on time.”

Rey smiled sheepishly.

“I don’t want to disappoint you again, Professor.”

“Let’s get inside. I’ll just give you a briefing today.”

Rey nodded and they entered the lab.

The lab was huge, the tables full of different complicated apparatus. Leia leaned against one table and looked intently at Rey.

“Rey, what do you know about mutants? What do you think makes them different?”

Rey blinked perplexedly.

_Isn’t that obvious?_

“Their powers make them different.”

“But how do they get those powers?”

“Well…I guess they are just gifted.”

She shrugged.

Leia gave a short laugh.

“Some people call them gifted while others call them monsters. But the truth doesn’t lie in these two extremes, it lies somewhere in between. Mutants are just a more advanced species of humans, the next step in human evolution.”

Rey did a double-take.

“What are you talking about?”

Leia gestured her to come near. She asked her to look into the lens of the microscope right next to her.

Rey looked into the lens and was fascinated by what she saw.

“Professor, what am I looking at?”

“That’s the _mutant-gene_ , or what we call here in this lab ‘The X-Gene’. The presence of this gene is what causes mutation. Once activated, the X-Gene leads to the production of an exotic protein. This protein produces chemical signals inducing mutations on other genes, ending up with mutant organisms, variously empowered.”

Rey just kept staring at the slide for a while in awe.

“I never thought there could be a scientific reason behind the existence of mutants.”

“Neither did I. None of my fellow researches believed it.”

Rey looked around the empty lab, wondering how many other people worked there.

“Where are the others?”

“They don’t come here that frequently. It’s a risky business after all, working on a mutant research project”, Leia sighed and then continued, “I would suggest that you too shouldn’t come here more than thrice a week.”

Rey nodded thinking back to what Poe and Finn had said about the dangers of working on this project, wondering whether she should have listened to them. But the thought of Kylo (who apparently hardly left her mind) and her own resolve drove those thoughts away. She asked Leia the question that had been bugging her the most.

“Professor…what exactly is the aim of your research?”

Leia crossed her arms, her forehead creasing a little as she focused her thoughts.

_Just like her son._

Rey smiled at the thought just as Leia started explaining the purpose of the research.

 “Here, in this lab, our aim is to prove to the world that mutants are not someone who should be feared or even worshipped. They just need to be accepted. Our aim is to find a balance.”

_Balance._

Rey didn’t know why but that word reverberated inside her, as if it had a deeper meaning. She felt like the universe was trying to communicate a different purpose of that word to her. It brought Kylo into her mind for some reason. To be fair, he left her mind for merely seconds. Everything just led back to him somehow.

Leia continued-

“We’re secretly trying to gather data about mutant population over the years. So far we have seen that there has been an increase in both mutant population as well as the number of illegal mutant experiments and killings. Despite the increased number of killings, mutant population is on the rise by a great number. It reinforces the fact we are trying to prove, that humans are slowly evolving into mutants.”

“And the cell samples?”

“To study the cell structures of different mutants in order to understand how their powers work. To prove to humans and certain _misguided_ mutants that these powers are not a sign of monstrosity or Godliness but simply science, simply Darwinian evolution taking place.”

Rey nodded, her thoughts turning towards Kylo yet again. If she could study his cell structure, she might be able to understand his powers better and perhaps that could help him. Even if that wasn’t possible, the success of this project would help him get acceptance into normal society. Leia had started this project a few years after he had left. Rey believed she had the same aim in mind when she had decided to work on this project, to bring her son back. Leia’s voice brought Rey back into reality.

“I think it’s a lot to take in for one day. You can go back now. We will start working tomorrow.”

Rey thanked Leia and left the lab, thinking all the way about everything the fellow mutant had told her.

***

Rey lay on her bed deep in thought. Rose peeped into her room and asked, her voice full of concern-

“You okay? You don’t look good.”

No, she wasn’t okay. What she had seen and heard in the lab was going round and round in circles inside her brain, Kylo Ren at the centre of her thoughts. The guy had the ability to make her happy yet sorrowful, complete yet hollow and carefree yet anxious, all at the same time.

She sat up straight and asked her friend-

“Rose, if-if one person’s touch can hurt-seriously hurt and the other person’s touch can heal, what will happen if they touch each other?”

Rose laughed.

“And I thought it was something serious. Are you reading those _crappy_ romance novels you have so often accused me of reading?”

“Hell, no! It was for the mutant research project”, Rey shouted indignantly.

That shut Rose up and she became serious once again.

“Oh. Have you found two mutants with such powers?”

“No, I’m asking _hypothetically_.”

“Hmmm…”

Rose tapped her chin with her forefinger, thinking hard.

“One can hurt and the other can heal, huh? I think…when they touch, they will balance each other out. The total effect of their powers will be nil.”

_Balance…that word again._

And the thought of Kylo again too. Perhaps they were both meant to cross paths, bring balance to each other’s lives.

What Rose had said made sense. She had to talk to Kylo. She was going to study his cell structure as well as hers. And she was going to talk to him about it tomorrow itself.

***

Rey took a cab to Kylo’s apartment the next day, just as her classes got over. She had texted Rose that she won’t be back till late evening because later she had to go to the lab as well to work with Leia.

She rushed to his door after stepping out of the cab and rang the doorbell excitedly. Kylo opened the door looking annoyed. He started on seeing Rey, who was looking up at his 6’3 frame with a bemused expression on her face.

“You know, just because I compared you with Snape the other day, it doesn’t mean that you have to act like him all the time.”

“What?”

“Why do you have this grumpy look on your face? Anyway, won’t you invite me in?”

“Well I am _always_ grumpy and no, you must leave right away. I have to go somewhere. It’s urgent.”

Rey was taken-aback.

_He’s joking, right?_

“Be serious, Kylo! I have something important to say.”

He made an irritated sound and ran his palm across his face.

“Just text me, okay? You need to leave now.”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing and she was curious to know what was so important to him that he was snubbing her. _Her._ How could he?

And then an idea hit her.

“You’re going by car, right? Drop me on the way, please.”

He shook his head.

“I’m going in the opposite direction. Rey, please. I’m getting late.”

She gave a furious nod and turned away.

Kylo kept looking at her retreating form, his eyes etched with guilt.

***

Rey hadn’t asked Kylo whether he was going via car to get a lift. Well, yes she was getting a lift, but in a slightly different manner. She was burning with curiosity to find out what he was upto. A tiny bit of jealousy (which Rey was not ready to admit) was to blame too. So now, she was lying in the boot of his car (she had learned these simple car hacks back during her orphanage days) waiting for him to come and take her away to wherever he was going.

When she heard his footsteps getting closer, her heart started drumming. If he found her lying there, he would be furious. He might never even talk to her again. But she had to take the risk. He sat inside the car but didn’t turn the engine on. Rey feared that perhaps he _had_ figured out that she was in there. But he started the car in the next few minutes and she sighed silently in relief.

She remained paralysed with the fear of being discovered the entire route. But he didn’t suspect anything. Rey could feel that he was preoccupied with something else because he was otherwise so vigilant all the time. He also kept sighing occasionally all the way.

She took a relaxed breath only after he turned the ignition off, after driving for thirty minutes. But he wouldn’t get out of the car. She thought she heard him cry softly but she dared not look up. She waited for a few minutes after he left before sneaking out of the boot.

She blinked her eyes, trying to adjust them to the sudden overflow of light. When she could finally see properly, her surroundings shocked her. She was standing in a parking lot outside a cemetery, a cemetery she had been to a few times.

She sneaked inside and looked for Kylo, her heart beating loudly, dreading which of his painful secrets she was about to discover. She was even more shocked to see him crouching next to the same grave that she had visited thrice with Finn and Rose.

She moved closer, walking softly so that her footsteps didn’t make a sound.

Rey was transfixed to her spot, bewildered by the sight of a crying Kylo Ren.

“I’m so sorry. It was-it was all my fault,” he muttered in-between sobs.

_No, God. Please, no._

It was a strange feeling. She wanted to run away but also move forward, both at the same time. She could do neither.

Her knees were weak and she was trembling slightly as she looked up at the grave to check whether she had identified it wrongly. She let out a shaky breath. No, she hadn’t. It was the same grave. Rose’s sister Paige Tico’s grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you all liked this chapter. You'll find out why Kylo ran away in the next chapter. His tragic back story will be finally revealed! I haven't been well these days and so the next update might get delayed by one or two days. Really sorry about that :(  
> I copied the information about the mutant X-gene from the [Marvel Database](http://marvel.wikia.com/wiki/Mutant_Biology)
> 
> Pleaseeee leave comments. They really cheer me up :)
> 
> And as always, my tumblr is @the-bibliophile-jedi


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did Kylo run away from everything seven years ago? How did he know Paige? All will be revealed in this chapter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the extreme delay :(  
> I'm not getting any time at all to write but I'm trying my best  
> Hope you like this!

Rey felt her throat go dry. She couldn’t breathe despite standing in the midst of an open ground. It was like she was trapped in a vacuum. Every nerve in her body had tensed up. She wanted to move her muscles but they were rigid. It felt like her brain had stopped working temporarily, as if it had forgotten how to send signals to her limbs to move. She tried speaking, but her voice didn’t come out.

They stayed in their respective positions. Kylo, bent next to the grave and silently crying, unaware of the girl standing rigidly behind him.

The shock was wearing off now and Rey could feel her muscles easing. She could also feel her tears now, she hadn’t realised she had been crying.

She spoke in a broken child-like voice-

“Ben?”

He swiftly turned around at the sound of his real name, his hair in a mess and cheeks stained with tears. She didn’t know why she had called him by that name, it had just come out naturally, as if it had been the right thing to do. He looked at her in bewilderment and opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He wiped his tears and stood up, his eyes focused on the ground as he said in a shaky voice-

“You know, stalking someone is not a nice thing.”

Those were exactly the same words she had said to him when he had followed her into the parking lot. She could feel a sudden warmth at the thought that he had paid attention to her every word and remembered their conversation so well.

But he was trying to put on the mask of Kylo Ren again, she knew it. He was attempting to hide behind that armour, to lock away his secrets and toss them into the deepest parts of his heart. She wouldn’t let him do that, though. Especially because this was about Rose’s sister.

Paige had passed away seven years ago. She had been in a coma for a three months and the doctors had given up on her. Permanent brain damage, Rose had told her. There was no chance of recovery. They had opted for euthanasia, there was no point in prolonging her suffering.

It had broken Rose’s heart. She was very close to her sister and she had only been a child when Paige had passed away.

And then it clicked…seven years. It couldn’t be a coincidence.

She asked Kylo-

“Why are you here?”

“I could ask you the same question”, he replied, still refusing to meet her eyes. She could feel his guilt and she was determined to find out the reason behind it.

“I was curious. I know it was not the right thing to do. I’m really sorry that I violated your privacy. But…I have to know the truth. Ben,” She called him by his given name again and he finally looked up at her, letting out a shaky breath, “Paige…she-she was my roommate Rose’s sister.”

The guilt in his eyes didn’t evaporate as his eyes gave way to new emotions- shock, pain, fear and nervousness, it intensified.

He nodded.

“Let’s get inside my car.”

He turned around to steal one last glance at Paige’s grave and then swiftly walked in the direction of his car, Rey followed him, trying to keep pace with his long strides.

They were soon sitting in his car and he asked-

“How did you follow me?”

She bit her lip, embarrassed as she replied-

“I sneaked into the boot of your car.”

He raised his eyebrows and nodded. He didn’t ask her _how_ she got inside the boot. These trivial things could be discussed later.

“Rey, what I’m going to tell you, it-it might change your opinion about me. Do you still want me to go on?”

Rey was scared, really scared. But she was equally curious to find out the truth. And deep inside her heart she knew that whatever happened wasn’t entirely his fault. She urged him to go on. He sighed heavily and she could see tears forming in his eyes and a lump in his throat. When he finally spoke, his voice was broken and slightly high-pitched.

“Paige and I were literature students at Coruscant University. And she was slightly…attracted to me”, he flushed when he said that, “and you know that I can’t- I can’t touch anyone so getting into a romantic relationship was a big no for me.”

Rey felt a pang of jealousy course through her heart. It was wrong, she shouldn’t be jealous of Paige, it was very unkind of her. Alas! She was only an eighteen year old girl and she couldn’t help asking-

“Did you like her too?”

He shook his head, shocked at her question and a little offended too. She felt guilty.

“No, I didn’t like her. I just meant that-that I couldn’t even think of being in a relationship with her.”

That relieved Rey but she was still feeling guilty of letting her jealousy overpower her in such a serious moment.

“I’m sorry, it was insensitive of me to ask that question.”

He shook his head again.

“No, nothing to apologize for. I don’t blame you for being curious. Anyone could have asked that. Anyway, so she liked me and I always looked for excuses to stay away from her. My friends used to laugh at me. People often wondered if I was gay but of course I wasn’t interested in any guy either so they were just confused. I used to refrain from going to parties and from drinking, lest I accidentally hurt someone.”

He ran his hands through his hair and let out a deep sigh.

“Well, graduation day, my friends forced me to party with them after the ceremony. I was really happy. I stared at the degree in my hand and thought ‘What harm would it do?’ I was never so wrong in my entire life. I agreed to join them on the condition that I wouldn’t take any alcohol. They agreed. I shouldn’t have trusted them, I was _so stupid_.”

He punched his fist against the dashboard, tears running down his face. Rey flinched.

“Ben, you’ll hurt yourself!”

“That would-that would be so much better than-than hurting others,” he spoke between sobs.

Rey was crying too, every nerve of her body ached to touch him, to hold him and tell him she was there for him, that everything was okay.

He continued.

“So I went to the bar with my entire class and my friends mixed alcohol into my drinks. Their idea of fun,” he huffed angrily, “I was out of my senses after only a few drinks. Paige came towards me, she herself was quite drunk, and asked me if I was secretly dating someone. I said I wasn’t so she asked me whether I ignored her because I was into boys. I told her I was straight and she started pulling me outside the bar, into the parking lot. I didn’t resist, I couldn’t think straight. When we reached our destination she asked me why I never dated anyone and I told her it was complicated, that I couldn’t tell her. Then, she just started kissing me and I was too shocked to remember who I was, _what_ I was that I just kissed her back. I was _so_ _drunk_ that I didn’t realize for quite some time that she wasn’t kissing me back anymore, that her body had gone limp. You know what happens when people touch me for just a few seconds. Imagine what a prolonged kiss could have done.”

He ran his palms across his face and leaned back on his seat. Rey looked at him in horror, the realisation dawning on her.

“When I finally let go of her, the truth finally hitting me like a hammer, it was too late. She wasn’t dead, but she looked like it. I called our friends from inside the bar and we rushed her to the hospital. She was in a coma and there was no chance of recovery. My friends were looking at me suspiciously. I loathed myself. The girl was as good as dead because of me, because of my carelessness. I didn’t have the courage to face her parents, to face anyone so I ran away from the hospital, I went home. But I realized something too. I realized that my parents were right when they had raised objections about me joining college. I realised that I wasn’t fit for living in a society, I wasn’t fit for human interaction. So I gathered my degree, a few clothes, some money and other essentials and ran away, from everything. Paige’s family decided to euthanize her, which I’m sure your friend Rose must have told you. I killed her Rey, I killed a girl who possibly loved me.”

He looked at her, his face full of pain and guilt. But there was something else there too. She could see in his eyes a flicker of hope and desperation, a hope that she would forgive him for what he had done and accept him. But there was nothing to forgive, what had happened was an accident. She didn’t blame him for it, she only felt a deep ache coursing through her entire body, originating at the point on the left-side of her chest. She hoped her eyes expressed all the things she couldn’t say. There were so many emotions churning inside her, she didn’t think anything she said would do justice to what she was feeling, what they both were feeling. Without thinking, she stretched her arms and moved towards him to hug him tightly, the only way she thought she could tell him that she didn’t blame him for what had happened.

Before even an inch of her skin came in contact with his clothes, he moved back, his eyes full of horror. Rey stopped mid-way, her arms still stretched out and her eyes full of hurt. He turned away from her, unable to hold her agonized gaze. He moved out of the car. Rey grabbed a scarf from inside her bag and did the same, walking towards him.

“Ben!” She pleaded.

“That’s not my name. Why are you repeatedly calling me by that name?”

There was a coldness in his voice. A mock-coldness, she knew. He was trying to put on that armour again, trying to hide his emotions.

“Because _you are_ Ben Solo! Stop trying to hide your true feelings behind the garb of your alter-ego!”

He looked into her eyes, and saw his own hurt being reflected in them. She raised her hands slowly towards him and he saw that there was a scarf wrapped around them. He didn’t back away as her hands touched his face, he knew their skins won’t touch. Her hands were covered, she was safe from harm. She pulled his face close to hers, close enough to feel the intimacy, close enough that they were breathing the same air, and yet far enough that he wouldn’t panic about causing her pain. She held his gaze.

“Ben, please. Please don’t walk away from me. Please, just let me in. I’ll help you. I _want_ to help you.”

His gaze didn’t waver as he replied-

“I can’t, Rey. Don’t you see? Everyone who enters my life gets hurt. And I can’t take it anymore. The burden…it’s too much. I can’t bear to hurt another person, Rey. Especially not you. I’d rather _die_ than hurt you.”

His voice was full of suffering, loneliness, longing and yet a little bit of hope. A hope that no matter what he said, she wouldn’t leave him. Everyone left him, he couldn’t bear to watch _her_ walk away too.

She saw it, that slight hope, and moved forward, attempting to hug him once more. He did what he had before, he retreated shaking his head sadly.

“You should go, Rey. We’ll talk later”, he was trying to sound strong but deep inside he was breaking.

He looked up at her before sliding into the driver’s seat and apologised-

“I’m really sorry. I would have dropped you but I think we both need some time alone.”

She nodded and he got inside his car. He smiled sadly and drove away.

She kept staring into his direction feeling a pang in her chest. It was a strange feeling, something she was experiencing for the first time. She could feel her heart shuddering and stinging, as if shot by a hundred arrows, disintegrating slowly. It felt like Ben had taken away a piece of her heart with him, leaving a large gaping hole there. It made her feel hollow inside.

_Maybe that’s what a heartbreak feels like._

She thought this and the realization hit her: She was in love with Ben Solo.

***

It was 4 pm when she reached her dorm. She had an hour to gather her thoughts, to calm herself enough that she could face the woman who had given birth to the man she had fallen in love with.

When she rushed inside, she saw Rose and Finn making out on the couch.

_Shit. Wrong timing._

When they saw her, they moved away from each other, embarrassed.

“Hey, Rey”, Finn muttered while rubbing his neck abashedly.

“Oh hi, Rey. I thought you weren’t coming home till at least seven”, Rose muttered in an embarrassed tone. Her cheeks were red.

“I-I got free early. Guys, I’m so sorry. I’ll just get inside my room.”

And she hurried into her room and shut the door. She didn’t lock it though. Instead she quickly walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She stepped into the shower, fully clothed and leaned against the wall, sliding down slowly till she was sitting on the floor, her knees folded and her arms wrapped around them.

And then she started crying. So much had happened and she couldn’t contain it. She needed to let it all out. She was in love with a man whom she could never touch, a man who was around ten years older than her, a man whom one of her best friends despised and she was pretty sure the other one would despise too. She was in love with a man who was responsible for the death of her friend’s sister, even if it wasn’t deliberate. But what hurt her the most was the fact that he had suffered so much over the years, so much pain and loneliness. He had kept it all inside him, buried deep down into his heart. And today, she had caused him a bit of pain too.

_No wonder he is always so miserable. If I were in his place, I would have exploded by now._

She could see his sorrowful brown eyes clearly in her mind. She could picture the tears flowing down them, like a narrow stream of river flowing through the crevices of umber rocks. And she felt a crushing weight on her heart at the sight, making her sob loudly.

She had thought the shower would muffle her sobs but she was wrong. Soon Finn and Rose were banging the bathroom door.

“Rey? Are you okay? Rey!”

She could hear Finn’s panic-stricken voice. She composed herself.

“I-I’m fine, Finn. Just give me a minute.”

She turned off the shower and got up to open the door. Finn and Rose tensed up at the sight of her.

“I think it’s best to leave you two alone at the moment”, Rose said understandingly.

Rey and Finn smiled at her gratefully and she walked out of the room. It had always been something worth appreciating, her willingness to step aside whenever Finn or Rey needed their best friend by their side. She had never been jealous of the fact that the two were so close.

Finn went into the bathroom and grabbed a towel. He wrapped the towel around her and sat her down on the bed and took a seat beside her.

“Hey, you okay? I mean, no of course you’re not okay. God, I’m such an idiot”, he said as he face palmed, “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

Rey looked up at him, debating whether she should tell him or not.

_Of course, I should tell him. He’s my best friend. My feelings for Ben shouldn’t ever affect my relationship with my best friend._

And so she sighed heavily and told him everything that had happened, leaving out the fact that she was in love with Ben.

As expected, Finn was furious.

“Rey, I told you! I told you! This man is dangerous”, he lowered his voice, “he killed Paige, Rey! My girlfriend’s sister is dead because of that monster.”

“Finn, please! You have no idea how much he regrets it and he didn’t do it deliberately. Didn’t you hear me? His friends got him drunk, he had tried to stay away from her the whole time. He’s been punishing himself for years now. He’s given up all contact with everyone. How can you be so insensitive?”

“Do you even know what you’re saying? You’re defending a _murderer_.”

“Finn, please. Stop it. He needs my help, he’s being consumed by the darkness inside him. But there’s so much good in him. I need to save him, I know I can.”

“This is not a fucking fairy tale, Rey! This isn’t some ‘Beauty and the Beast’ trope where the girl turns the monster into a human with her love. C’mon Rey! Be serious! We’re living in the 21st Century. You’re a strong and independent woman. We are _not_ living in the middle ages. Men and women are equal and it is _not_ your duty to act as a redemption tool for a grown up man who doesn’t want to be saved. It isn’t a woman’s obligation to change a man, Rey. You have your own story, you don’t have to play a minor role in someone else’s story.”

Finn’s face was contorted with rage. Rey’s heart was overflowing with sadness. He didn’t understand Ben the way she did. He didn’t understand all the stuff mutants had to go through because he wasn’t one. He was just prejudiced about Ben.

“It _is_ my story, Finn. And just because I’m not obligated to save a man or even a woman from his or her darkness doesn’t mean I shouldn’t. Everyone who can be saved should be saved. It’s never too late. And just because I’m going out of my way to help someone doesn’t mean I am weak, Finn. On the contrary, it means I am strong enough to write my own story and help someone else complete theirs. It doesn’t mean a woman is reduced to an instrument of redemption, it just shows how strong a woman’s character is, or even a man if he does so for someone. And he’s not hurting me, Finn. He won’t ever hurt me. I’m not stupid enough to endure abuse just to act as a saviour. If I can save him, if anyone can save any person from their demons, it only shows that hope is never lost and that love and kindness can save everything and everyone.”

He raised his eyebrows, still furious.

“Oh, so it’s love now.”

Rey hesitated. She didn’t want to lie to him but she couldn’t speak the truth either.

“That-that’s not what I meant.”

He waved a hand dismissively.

“You know what, Rey? I’m tired of trying to knock some sense into you. The only thing I’m going to say now is that soon he’ll hurt you and you’ll regret everything you have said so far. It kills me to say this, Rey. You being hurt is something I would never wish to happen but the way things are going, it’s inevitable.”

She looked at him distressfully. She had never thought that fate would lead her into such a miserable situation. She could only hope that things would get better soon.

“I need to tell Rose the truth. This is about her sister, after all”, Rey said.

“What? But-but then you would have to tell her about yourself!”

“I think I’ve grown to trust her enough, Finn. Besides, she is your girlfriend and every relationship should be built on truth.”

He hugged her tight and for a second her head cleared up, she felt lighter, as if all her worries had evaporated. She squeezed back as her tears dripped onto Finn’s shirt, tears she had no idea she was holding back.

“You’re a wonderful person, Rey. You know that, right? We’ll tell her. And we’ll tell Poe as well. Soon. Let’s just wait for a week or two, okay?”

He let go of her. She nodded and he kissed her on her forehead and wiped her tears.

She hugged him again.

_Yes, everything will get better. I just need to keep hoping, and I will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for the late update :(  
> I have been really unwell over the last two weeks and I had a lot of class tests and stuff because exams start in less than a month and I suffer from anxiety every single time during the end of the semester.  
> I had written the chapter quite early but wasn't getting time to make a few corrections and update. Also, I wanted to write a bit of the next chapter in advance before posting this.
> 
> I will try updating every 9-10 days till at least the end of this month.
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments if you like this chapter!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is trying to run away from Rey but she won't let him do that. Meanwhile, Leia gives some love advice to Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am extremely sorry for the late update :(

Rey changed her clothes, dried her hair and reached the lab on time. She had calmed herself down a bit but she couldn’t completely get her mind off everything that had happened. How could she? She had come face to face with two shocking truths. The first about Ben’s dark past and the second about her own feelings for him. It would take time, lots of time.

She didn’t realize that Leia was already there until she shook her to bring her out of her dazed state.

“Rey, are you okay?”

Rey blinked, surprised by the sudden appearance of her professor, and nodded.

“I-I was just thinking about something.”

Her voice was hoarse from crying.

Leia looked at her worriedly but she nodded and led the way inside the lab.

They worked for almost two hours, studying mutant cell samples which Leia had acquired from unknown sources. Suddenly Leia stopped in the middle of the work. She crossed her arms, raised her eyebrows and questioned Rey-

“So, who is it?”

“Huh?”

Rey couldn’t understand what she was talking about. Leia sighed and rolled her eyes.

“I know it’s a _boy_. Who is it? I’ve been in love too Rey and so have many of my students. I know what a young woman in love looks like.”

Rey was at a loss for words.

“I-uhhh….you-you don’t know him, professor. He-he’s not a student here.”

 _He_ was _a student here, though. And no, she doesn’t know him. He has gone through so much in these seven years that he is a completely changed person._

“And why have you been crying? Your eyes are red and puffy so there’s no point lying. Did he hurt you?”

Rey’s eyes were brimming with tears again. It was one of those moments when you are trying to control your emotions, trying to be tough and you are doing a pretty good job until all of a sudden someone points out that you are not okay and it just takes that short and simple phrase to shake the foundations of the walls you’ve been trying to build around yourself and everything comes crashing down. You can’t build those walls again, your broken heart is let out for all to see.

Rey swallowed a sob as she replied-

“He-he doesn’t know that I love him. And I-I can’t-I can’t tell him.”

Leia hugged Rey tight and patted her lovingly on her back. That opened the floodgates for Rey. This display of affection made her all the more emotional as she wasn’t used to this. She started sobbing loudly now. Leia held her tight for a few minutes until she calmed down. Then she asked her softly-

“Why can’t you tell him, child?”

“Because”, she almost said that she couldn’t touch him but she checked herself in time, “because he doesn’t feel the same way for me. And I-I don’t know what to do about my feelings if I can never show my affection physically.”

She blushed as she uttered the last bit. Leia held her at an arm’s distance, then cupped her face and smiled.

“What do you think love is, Rey?”

“It’s hard to define, to be honest.”

“Yes, it’s true. But when you think of love, what comes to your mind? Just the passionate displays of romantic love or something else too?”

Rey thought hard. No, it wasn’t just that. When she thought of love, she thought about Ben’s beautiful and soulful eyes, his smile, and his laugh. She thought about the way he rolled his eyes, the way his forehead creased every time he was deep in thought. And not just that, she saw herself back in the school days, playing hide and seek with Finn and Poe, she saw herself with her two best friends running after each other. She remembered all those pillow fights with Rose in the dorm room. And not just that, she saw Leia looking lovingly at her son’s photograph. She smiled.

“No, it’s a lot more than that.”

“ _Exactly._ Love is a lot more than a physical feeling, Rey. And romantic love is not the only sort of love. If you can’t have him for yourself, doesn’t mean you must stop loving him. That’s not what love is. Love lives even after death. It’s immortal.”

Rey nodded, her mind was calmer now. But she still had a lot of doubts.

“But what if he hurt someone I love in the past?”

Leia dropped her hands from Rey’s face and contemplated.

“Did he do it on purpose?”

“No, of course not!”

“And does he regret his actions?”

“Yes, a lot. The regret is gnawing at his heart.”

Leia straightened up and nodded.

“Then I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t love him.”

Rey knew that she wasn’t wrong in loving Ben despite all that had happened in the past. She just needed someone to affirm her beliefs. Leia had given her the push she needed to continue moving in the direction she had chosen. But…there was something more. A very trivial thing that still worried her.

“What else, Rey?”

Rey flushed.

 “It’s just that…well there’s a difference of around ten years in our ages”, she spoke hurriedly.

Leia laughed and she turned an even deeper shade of red. She could feel her face burning with embarrassment.

“Seriously? That’s what you are worried about?” Leia asked between bouts of laughter.

Rey nodded shyly.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, Han is ten years older than me too. You can’t control who you fall in love with, Rey. It’s destiny. Pairs are made in heaven”, Leia said pointing upwards.

Rey was surprised but equally relieved. She thanked Leia for her guidance. Her concerns now finally laid to rest, she got back to her work enthusiastically. But Leia stopped her.

“Enough for today, you’ve already got a lot on your mind and we have worked for two hours. Go back now and get some rest.”

“Thank you professor, for everything.”

The two women hugged and Rey left the lab.

***

“Oh my God, oh my God, I’m late again! Professor Holdo will definitely kill me this time!”

Rey was shouting as she got ready for her early morning class with Amilyn Holdo. She had been up late reading some extra books the previous night too. She was still having problems sleeping but it wasn’t the fear of being caught or experimented upon that haunted her at night. It was Ben Solo. Every time she had tried to close her eyes, his tear-stained and agonised face had risen into her mind out of darkness. So she had given up her attempts and had picked up a heavy book from the shelves and started reading until her eyes started drooping and she fell back on the bed. As a result, she was late again.

“You know what I’m going to say, and I know what your reply will be and I’m tired of repeating the same cycle again and again because you never listen to me. So, I’m just going to leave. And stop panicking, it’s not going to help. Good-bye! See you after class!”

Rose shouted from the door as she left the room.

“Bye!” Rey shouted back.

She readied herself in five minutes somehow and picked up her phone, bag and keys when suddenly her phone beeped.

It was a text from some girl from her class who wouldn’t be attending any of the classes for the day and hence had asked her to give her the notes later.

She pressed the back button and was about to exit to the home screen when she caught sight of a name in her message log. Kylo. She went into the contact settings and changed the name to Ben. He wasn’t Kylo for her anymore.

She contemplated whether she should message him.

_Of course, I should. He won’t message me first after what happened yesterday, he’d be too scared. And if I don’t message him, he might feel that I don’t want him in my life too._

So she gathered some courage and sent him a ‘Hey’.

She wasn’t much late for the class but Professor Holdo was still annoyed. She kept glancing at her phone every time Holdo turned her back to the class. But there was no response.

_He can’t just isolate himself from me like that. I’ll go to his apartment today._

Rey resolved to meet him after her classes. She didn’t have to go to the lab today anyway so she had plenty of time to solve the riddles that opened the door to Ben Solo’s heart.

***

Kylo was lying in his bed staring at the screen of his phone. Rey had texted him. He was partly relieved and partly worried by this occurrence. He was relieved because he had been worrying that she would hate him after what she had found out. If not hate him, she would definitely be scared of him at least. But no, she still wanted to talk to him. What worried him about this though was that the previous day a realisation had dawned on him. He had realized that he was in love with this young girl and her continued kindness for him was only making this condition much more difficult to bear. He had spent the previous day crying and the night was spent playing the piano that remained hidden in one of the rooms of his apartment. He had felt a little sleepy at five in the morning and had slept till eight when the beep of a message had broken his sleep.

_The power of a single word. It can make you hopeful and crush your hopes at the same time._

He was hopeful that Rey would still be there for him, but he was also hopelessly in love with her.

He was scared that he would hurt her unknowingly. He was scared that if they remained in touch for long, he would have to watch her fall in love with someone else. He was scared about a lot of things.

He didn’t reply. He didn’t want to but _had_ to break away from her.

He brushed his teeth, took a shower, and went back to playing the piano.

***

Rey climbed the stairs of Ben’s apartment at around 3 pm. Just as she was climbing the last few steps, she caught the faint sound of someone playing a piano. She took the next few steps making as little sound as possible and put her right ear next to the door and listened carefully. It was indeed the sound of a pianoforte and it wasn’t recorded, someone was playing it. And it could only be one person.

_Ben._

She kept leaning against the door frame and listening. It was a beautiful piece of music, one of the most beautiful she had ever heard. It was very romantic but equally emotional and full of sadness. It was sweet yet tragic. Rey could feel it tugging at her heartstrings. She let him finish playing before ringing the doorbell. She didn’t want to interrupt him while he played. It would definitely annoy him, just the way she got annoyed when someone interrupted her while she sang.

He opened the door and froze.

“Rey?”

“Surprise! Won’t you ask me to enter?”

Rey asked cheerily. There was a big smile on her face.

Kylo nodded and moved away from the door.

Rey entered and glanced around the room.

“You were playing the piano, right? Where is it? And by the way, why didn’t you answer my text, Ben?”

Kylo flinched. She had called him Ben again. And hearing her voice call him by his real name felt so right and so pure.

“That’s not my name.”

Rey crossed her arms and looked him in the eyes.

“It is. And this is what I’m going to call you from now. So why didn’t you answer my text? Trying to run away from me? It’s not that easy.”

Kylo sighed. No, he couldn’t run away from her no matter how hard he tried.

“I’m sorry. I got busy.”

“Busy playing the piano?”

“Uhhh…I wasn’t playing, I was just listening to some records.”

Rey rolled her eyes.

“Oh shut up, who do you think you’re trying to fool?”

“Alright, I’m sorry”, Kylo said raising his hands in surrender, “It’s in there.”

He led the way to one of the rooms. Rey looked around and saw that there were three different doors leading to different rooms in his apartment. One was obviously the bedroom and the other was the room where he kept his piano. She wondered what was inside the third room.

They entered a study. There was an office table and chair on one side of the room. There was a big shelf of books just beside it. On the other side of the room was the piano.

“Wow. Ben, can you play something for me? How about that piece you were just playing? I only heard a little and I’d love to hear it in its entirety.”

Ben blushed and nodded.

He sat down and started playing. Rey leaned over and watched him play. He looked so focused. His eyes were closed and his face was absolutely calm. The piece was indeed very beautiful. It sounded even better on hearing it so closely.

When he stopped playing he looked up at her. She looked as mesmerized as she felt.

“Wow. That was amazing.”

Kylo smiled.

“Is this the first time you’re hearing it?”

Rey nodded.

“Yeah. What is it called? Who is the composer?”

“It’s called ‘Across the Stars’. The pianist is Padme Amidala.”

Rey’s eyes widened. She knew the name and the history behind it.

“Padme Amidala? The same Padme Amidala who was the wife of Darth Vader?”

Kylo nodded with a sad smile on his face.

“Yes, Darth Vader’s wife. They were my grandparents.”

Rey was shocked. She stood up straighter and exclaimed-

“WHAT?”

“Yes, Rey. Darth Vader’s real name was Anakin Skywalker. My uncle is Luke Skywalker.”

Rey couldn’t understand. She had heard the stories about the extremely powerful mutant Darth Vader, but none of them mentioned kids. Yes, she had heard about Padme being pregnant at the time of Vader’s rise to power but she had died before she could give birth to the kids.

“But-but I’ve heard a lot about him and no one ever mentions his kids.”

“No, only the mutant community knows about this. And only those mutants who are closely associated with my family. Not even all of them.”

Rey nodded and Kylo suddenly inquired-

“What do you know about him, Rey?”

She shrugged.

“Not much. I just know that he was a very powerful mutant. He was a good person in his early years but something happened and he started aiming for world domination. He gathered a huge mutant army over the next twenty years and killed many humans too. Then some mysterious guy stopped him. There was nothing about that guy in the records, the only thing I know is that he was a mutant.”

“I’ll tell you what happened. Everything.”

Rey looked at his face, curiosity burning in her eyes and Kylo launched into the tale about his grandparents.

“My grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, worked in the defence forces along with his friend Obi-Wan Kenobi. They were both powerful mutants. My grandfather could control metal and Kenobi had superhuman strength and speed. Well, grandfather met my grandmother in a concert and they both fell in love. My grandfather was a very handsome man and my grandmother was a gorgeous lady. They got married soon.”

 _Of course they were both good-looking. Leia looked so gorgeous when she was young. And look at you, such a handsome face. The Skywalker genes are to blame for such gorgeous features,_ Rey thought as she stared at Kylo’s beautiful face. He continued his story, not noticing that she was lost in his beauty.

“A few months later his mother died in a terrorist attack. It was a great loss for him. Later, he even discovered some army scientists doing illegal experiments on mutants. Meanwhile, my grandmother got pregnant and it was quite possible that my grandfather’s powers had passed to his kids too. Ever since his mother passed away, he lived in the fear that he won’t be able to protect his wife and kids. The fact that lives of mutants were in a constant risk intensified this fear. He didn’t want his kids to suffer the fate he had seen those poor mutants suffer in the lab. Some of them were not even in their teens.

“This urged him to fight against humans, to create a world where mutants dominated everyone else. He wanted power because he started feeling that only his powers could save his family. He soon killed those army scientists who had been experimenting on mutants. He became Darth Vader. My grandmother was in the eighth month of her pregnancy when she got to know what had happened. She went to confront him but was shocked to see the person he had become. Kenobi faced him and they battled. My grandfather lost. Kenobi wounded him but couldn’t kill him. When Kenobi went to my grandmother to tell her what had happened, he found that she had fainted and fallen down the stairs.”

Kylo’s voice was full of emotion. Rey’s heart was beating rapidly, she was scared about what she would hear next and her eyes were brimming with tears.

“There was a lot of bleeding. The doctors said that if they didn’t operate her then the kids and the mother would both die. In the end, they could just save the kids. My grandmother didn’t survive. Kenobi gave away my uncle to my grandfather’s step-brother and my mother was adopted by my grandmother’s good friend, Bail Organa. When my grandfather found out about her death, his rage was beyond control. He didn’t know about the kids and hence, he devoted himself to his mission of mutant domination.

“Years later, Kenobi confronted him again but he was killed. Later my uncle, who was guided and trained by Kenobi, confronted him. Darth Vader finally found the good in him with the help of his son. He died protecting his son from the mutant army he had himself created. My uncle finished the rest of them. No one knows about my uncle. Being a strong telepath, he wiped away everyone’s memories.”

Kylo had tears in his eyes. He looked up at Rey and saw that she was crying too.

“When did your family tell you about this?”

He laughed mirthlessly.

“They didn’t. I got to know this from someone at school. My mother still pretends that she is not related to ‘Darth Vader’ in any way.”

And something he had told her earlier in one of their conversations struck her.

_She’s good at pretending._

He had said this about his mother. Obviously, he was still hurt that his family hadn’t told him about their history. She tried to console him.

“Maybe they didn’t tell you because they were trying to protect you from the truth.”

“Protecting me? From what? Did they think I would follow Darth Vader’s steps if I found out about him?”

Rey flinched. He sighed and spoke in a shaky voice-

“Maybe they were right in thinking that way. I feel myself being consumed by darkness at times.”

Rey put her bare hand on his gloved one. He started and looked up at her.

“No, you won’t turn into your grandfather. We have your grandparents’ example in front of us. We know the mistakes they committed. We won’t repeat the same mistakes.”

He nodded. But something confused him.

_We. Why did she say we? Uhhh...I’m overthinking. It’s nothing._

She let go of his hand and brushed the keys of the piano as she spoke.

“This piece…it’s so tragic. As if it was composed for doomed lovers, like your grandparents. When your grandmother wrote it, do you think she knew what was about to happen? Do you think she wrote it with her own love story in mind?”

Kylo thought hard.

“I guess she knew they were doomed but she didn’t know in what way. Anyway, the love story of a mutant and a human is a disaster always.”

She nodded and then her eyes lit up. She was here to cheer up Kylo, not make him sadder than he was before she came.

“Can you play something else? And I’ll sing.”

He looked at her with surprise.

“You can sing? Wow. Sure. What do you want me to play?”

“Ummm…How about ‘Moon River’?”

So Kylo played the piano while Rey sang. And she sang beautifully. Kylo was left speechless. When the song ended, he looked at her with wide eyes.

“Wow. You’re just amazing. I haven’t heard anyone sing so well before.”

Rey blushed.

“Thanks. You play very well too. I guess it’s your grandmother’s genes.”

They laughed. Rey moved towards his bookshelf and looked at his collection.

“Woah. You’ve got lots of books here. And they’re all so good.”

“A book critic has to have a huge stock of books.”

“I’m really impressed.”

Kylo smiled and suddenly a thought crossed his mind.

“Rey, you love books, right?”

“Of course, why?”

Kylo grinned at her.

_She’s going to love this._

“I have something to show you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sooooo sorry for updating after 2 weeks. My exams start on 7th May and I have another exam (for some extra course I'm doing) on this Saturday and I'm barely living. Thanks to my habit of procrastinating I didn't study much during the semester :/   
> I guess this will be the last update before my exams because education comes first. So the next update will be one month away. Sorry about that :(  
> But I promise to update on time when I'm done with exams :)
> 
> A few things I want to point out in this chapter:  
> 1\. Even though Rey has decided to call Kylo Ben, I am still referring to him as Kylo because he himself needs to forgive himself and accept his old name for me to start referring to him by that name  
> 2\. I saw a video of Daisy Ridley singing Moon River long ago and she is such a fab singer so I decided to use that song here  
> 3\. Across the Stars is my favourite star wars theme and I almost cried the first time I heard it outside the movie
> 
> P.S. I'm going for Infinity War on Sundayyyyyyyy and I'm so happy I've been screaming ever since I booked the tickets XD This is apparently the only silver lining in my gloomy and cloudy life 
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos. They always make me really happy and encourage me to write more


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of fun and a bit of emotions here. Rey and Kylo bond over Leia and her cooking and their feelings for each other grow stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two references I've used here (from 2 different fandoms) keep an eye out for them ;)

Kylo led Rey to the third room, the room whose contents she had been wondering about when she had entered his apartment.

“Close your eyes”, he said.

“Why?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Why do you always ask so many questions? It’s a surprise, Rey.”

“Oh, okay”, she nodded and closed her eyes.

He opened the door and guided her inside the room. She felt the muscles beneath her eyelids twitch as he switched on the lights.

“You can open your eyes now”, he said.

She opened her eyes slowly, wondering what spectacle her eyes were about to behold. Her mouth fell open as she took in the sight of thousands of books arranged in towering shelves all around the room.

“Woah! These are all yours?”

She moved around in a circle, taking in every inch of the room. She was spellbound.

“Yeah, my own personal library”, he smiled softly at her.

“This is just like Beauty and the Beast!”

Her voice was all squeaky and child-like. Her eyes lit up with the fascination of a child and she moved around the room to explore every shelf.

Kylo laughed affectionately as she jumped around and exclaimed every time she caught the sight of a book she liked. She spread her arms and spun around, her laughter full of joy.

“Woah, woah! Easy. You’ll get dizzy.”

He moved forward to hold her arms and stop her from spinning, but stopped midway, refraining himself from touching her again. He leaned against one of the shelves and regarded her.

“You can borrow as many books as you want to, you know.”

She stopped spinning then and looked at him earnestly.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

She moved forward and slowly took his gloved hands in hers. Then she placed a chaste kiss on the back side of each of them. She laced her fingers with his.

“Thank you”, she said in a soft whisper and smiled.

He was left speechless. She let go of his hands and stepped outside the room.

“Did you eat anything today?”

“Uhhh…no”, he spoke when the spell finally broke and he entered into reality again.

“That’s what I thought. I’m cooking some food for you.”

He shook his head and followed her into the kitchen.

“You don’t have to.”

She leaned against the kitchen counter and cocked her head to one side.

“But I want to. Besides”, she said as she turned away from him and looked into the different containers inside the kitchen cabinet, “I didn’t have lunch today and I’m _really_ hungry.”

He gave up. She insisted that she wanted to cook all by herself and urged him to sit down. She just kept asking the location of different ingredients and he kept answering from the dining table. They had pasta and it was delicious. Rey was really good at cooking.

“It’s wonderful, seriously. But you didn’t have to put in so much effort, not that I’m complaining. It’s just that we could have ordered something from outside.”

Rey furiously shook her head.

“No. That wouldn’t do. I figured you must have grown tired of eating food that you’ve cooked yourself or outside food. Everyone needs a little change.”

“Thanks. That-that’s really nice of you.”

He turned towards his food and looked at it with a sad expression. Rey rested her elbows on the table and cupped her face as she watched him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing”, she slowly shook his head, “I just miss my mother’s cooking. I sometimes wish I could eat some of her lasagna.”

She remembered the dinner at his parents’ house. Leia was no doubt an exceptional cook and her lasagna was out of the world. She snapped her fingers at him.

“I can arrange that!”

“You can?”

She clapped her hands enthusiastically.

“Of course, I can!”

“Wow! I can’t believe it. I’ve missed her cooking so much. It’s been seven years since I last ate something she cooked.”

He smiled fondly at her and thanked her. They chatted about Leia and the mutant project for some time.

“So I was thinking, maybe if you could give me a blood sample or something, I could study it and try to figure how your powers work”, Rey pleaded.

“No, Rey. This is _not_ happening. It could be risky.”

He refused point blank. Rey protested repeatedly but he wasn’t ready to budge. He told her he would be coming to the University in a few weeks just to look at his mother.

“It’s really weird, you know. When we lived together, I never noticed that my mother was growing old. But over the last seven years, I’ve noticed every new wrinkle on her withering face, I’ve carefully observed her hair turn grey. I’ve seen the way the dark circles developed over the years under her eyes. I’ve seen everything from the shadows.”

Her gaze never flitted from his face. She thought she could freeze in this moment, she could keep staring at him all her life.

“So, do you ever plan to come out of the shadows?”

“Never.”

She nodded.

“If that’s what you want, it’s fine by me. If you want to remain in the shadows, I promise to be your sun, so that you never run out of light and the shadow doesn’t fade away.”

“So, you’re promising to help me hide my identity?”

“As long as you want me to.”

Her voice was steely and so was her gaze, full of conviction. She would always be there for him, no matter what. She would shield him, fight for him, and do everything it took to save him.

_I’m with you till the end of the line._

She thought to herself and smiled at him.

_***_

“You are missing my cooking?”

Leia questioned Rey, her eyebrows raised while Rey nodded furiously. They had been working in the lab and Rey had asked Leia if she could have some of her lasagna again.

“Well, I-I never really had a home and I only had homemade food when Finn and I stayed at Poe’s. I just felt that…that if I had a mother, she would be just like you and that her cooking would taste just like yours.”

 _Shit. Shit. Shit. I’m rambling._ And _I’m lying to the woman who loves me trusts me so much._

It wasn’t so much of a lie. She did feel that way about Leia and her cooking but the motive behind having some of Leia’s lasagna again was definitely something else.

_The things I do for love._

She sighed internally and saw Leia’s eyes soften.

“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll go right away and cook some for you. Meanwhile, you continue the tests.”

“Oh my God! Really? Leia, thank you so much!”

Rey hugged Leia tightly and Leia squeezed her back.

“I’ll be back in an hour or so”, Leia said as she walked out of the lab.

Rey kept staring at Leia’s retreating form, smiling to herself. She sent out a text to Kylo which said ‘Mission Accomplished’.

***

“Well, well, well. I can’t believe you did it!”

Kylo smirked as he saw Rey approaching him. He had been waiting for her in his car outside the University.

“You know, nothing is impossible for me”, she grinned at him.

“Alright, get inside the car and we’ll go somewhere where we can enjoy my mum’s wonderful cooking.”

“And where exactly would that be?”

Rey asked him as she slid inside the car.

“You’ll figure out soon enough”, he told her, the smirk never leaving his face.

_Oh God, he looks so good when he’s smirking like that. How am I supposed to deal with my feelings for him when he won’t stop looking so perfect?_

Rey kept glancing at his face the entire journey, simultaneously trying to handle all the varied emotions churning inside her. He stopped the car after an hour when they reached a hilltop that overlooked the entire city.

“Wow”, Rey exclaimed and Kylo smiled widely.

“You like it? I thought you would. It’s so beautiful after all, isn’t it?”

“It-it’s amazing”, she spoke, her eyes never leaving the view.

“You come here often?” She finally turned her face towards him and asked.

“Only when I’m really happy or really sad. The latter being the more frequent emotion”, he chuckled.

“Well, I’m assuming we’re here today because you are elated about something. So what is it?”

“That”, said Kylo pointing towards the box of lasagna sitting on top of Rey’s lap, “and one more thing that I’ll tell you soon.”

He moved out of the car and Rey followed suit.

“What did you leave the box of food inside the car for?”

He asked looking at her empty hands.

“Ughh…I thought we are just going to appreciate the view for now”, she shrugged.

“Well, I’m going to pick you up now, so make sure you don’t touch my face or whatever and hurt yourself.”

For an instant Rey was too shocked to speak and the very next moment Kylo had picked her up by her waist and sat her down on the roof of his car. He then grabbed the box of lasagna from inside the car and climbed on the roof himself. His car was a strong and sturdy SUV and could very easily handle the weight of the two of them combined.

He opened the box and realised that there was just one fork. He looked up at Rey and said-

“Well, we are screwed. What now?”

Rey shook her head.

“I’m not hungry. Besides, I got this for you.”

“Oh come on, I’m not eating this all by myself”, he said waving a hand in dismissal at her.

“Well, we could eat using the same fork, maybe?”

Rey suggested but Kylo looked both flustered and horrified in equal parts at the suggestion.

“No, no I-I don’t think that would be a wise idea. This sounds absurd but”, he turned an even deeper shade of red and averted his eyes from hers, “but you know when we eat, there’s…ughh there’s our saliva remaining on the fork and-”

He paused again and started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and at this point even Rey was embarrassed. He gulped and continued-

“And well you never know, saliva contains DNA and all doesn’t it? What if it…you know gets in touch with your skin or- or more precisely your mouth…Oh, this is horrible, I can’t go on anymore! You get the point though, don’t you? My powers are in my cells so what if you get hurt or something?”

He looked at her and she had never seem someone look so abashed. His skin had turned so hot that she could feel the heat emanating out of it from a meter apart. She knew her face must be red too. She was ashamed to admit that she found what he said intimate in a weird sort of way. She knew he was concerned about his powers hurting her but she couldn’t shake off the thought of kissing him and running her tongue inside his mouth, entwining it with his. She felt horrible yet thrilled thinking of this but the truth hit her that this might never happen. Her eyes met his and he was still looking at her embarrassedly.

“Well, there’s one thing that we can do. I’ll eat my share first and then you can have your share. How about that?”

She suggested and he actually looked relieved.

“Yeah, yeah we could do that.”

As she ate her share and Kylo looked down at the city beneath them, while she couldn’t stop her thoughts about kissing Kylo coming back to her.

_What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m acting like a creep._

When Kylo started eating, his eyes lit up.

“God, I’ve missed this! It’s exactly the way I remember it, you know. I can’t thank you enough for this, Rey!”

She laughed and rolled her eyes at him.

“You should stop thanking me every single minute of your existence, you know. I’ve grown tired of hearing it. And by the way, I got to enjoy Leia’s delicious cooking too, so we’re equal.”

“Yeah, I guess”, he laughed.

When they were both done eating they stared at the sky, the sun was about to set. It was so mesmerising, the wind blowing their hair, the birds chirping, the sky turning a beautiful shade of orange, and the city looking minuscule from where they were sitting. For a moment she felt invulnerable, safe, happy, and free of all her past sufferings and present sorrows. She felt complete.

Without shifting her gaze from the view, she moved her hand towards Kylo’s and held on to it. He flinched a little, but from her peripheral vision she could see that his gaze didn’t waver from the view at all and after a moment he eased and laced his fingers with her. And that was all it needed. That was all it needed for her to know that her heart that never been steady before and in this moment, with their fingers intertwined, her heart found a new rhythm. She truly felt relieved now, she was truly free. He still had his gloves on but she could feel the heat from his touch and that had eased her muscles and she realised she had never stopped being scared before this moment. Now it felt that nothing and no one could hurt her at all. Even the view looked brighter than before, somehow. The birds sounder even more cheerful. Rey found herself losing into the moment and she let herself.

Kylo had been here so many times, but he had always been alone. For the first time he had brought someone here with him and not even for a second did he regret his decision. He had never felt happier, never at more ease. It felt like all his life he had been searching for a missing piece and now he had finally found it. He was complete. He felt that the universe, _his_ universe had found balance. Little did he know that her universe was finally in balance too.

***

“You never told me, you know”, Rey spoke as they drove back towards the University.

“Never told you what, huh?” Kylo looked confused.

“What made you so happy today, besides the lasagna, of course?”

“Oh, that. Yeah, I want to thank you for something. It’s all because of you after all.”

Rey raised her eyebrows at him and spoke in a tone of mock annoyance-

“Seriously? Again? Didn’t I tell you I’m tired of hearing you say ‘thank you’?”

“Alright, alright. I won’t say it again. Well I’ll try not to, can’t really promise because I have a bad memory”, he laughed.

“Anyways, it was about my mother. She looks a lot better. And I’ve noticed this change occur in the last few months that is, ever since you met her. She’s found in you what she lost in me, Rey. She lost her son and a lonely and aching mother found a loveless and parentless girl and showered all her love on her.”

He glanced towards apologetically and said, “I’m really sorry if that sounded harsh because my intention was never to hurt your feelings.”

Rey shook her head.

“No, no it’s true. I completely agree with you.”

“Right, okay”, he continued, “so I think she regrets the way she sometimes neglected me as a child and she blames herself in part for whatever happened seven years ago. And then she meets you and she wants to do right by you, something she couldn’t do with me. She loves you the way she should have loved me because she sees a reflection of me inside you. She knows you have suffered, been neglected, and led a loveless life just like me, though for completely different reasons and she wants to make up for what happened to both of us. It acts as a salve on the wounds of her heart.”

There was no denying that Kylo was really good with words and thought about everything deeply. Rey found herself losing into his words every time he spoke with such passion and precision.

“You think about that a lot, don’t you Ben?”

He was slowly getting used to her calling him Ben now, not that he had any other option. She was adamant about calling him by his real name.

“I think a lot about a lot of things, Rey.”

“Uh-huh. Like what?”

He looked at her and smiled sadly.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

Rey sat up straighter and spoke in a steely voice.

“Well, you don’t know that. Maybe I do.”

“Yeah, maybe. But I don’t want to burden your soul with my everlasting sorrows”, he shrugged.

“Talking about your problems usually helps, you know”, she was not going to back out so easily.

 _Well I can’t talk about you with you,_ he thought. His feelings for Rey were certainly his biggest problem at the moment.

“Maybe later”, he said, “I don’t want to ruin my happy mood by talking about troubles right now.”

“As you wish, sir”, Rey smiled.

***

The smile plastered on Rey’s face disappeared as soon as she entered her dorm and found Rose sitting on the couch and staring at a picture of her and Paige with tears in her eyes.

Rey’s heart broke to see her friend like this and she went and wrapped her arms around Rose.

“Hey, I’m sorry Rose. I know I haven’t been able to spend much time with you. Are you okay? Did something happen?”

Rose hugged her back and broke down in her arms. She spoke between sobs-

“Yeah, I-I…everything is fine…just-just that I miss- miss my sister a lot. It-It’s her birthday…today…”

Rey hugged Rose even tighter.

“Rose, I-I’m sorry. You should have told me. I wouldn’t have gone to the lab today, you know. I would have stayed with you.”

Rose shook her head.

“No, it’s fine. Really. I was going to spend some time with Finn today but his friends dragged him away to watch some football match. I would have been fine with him if it weren’t for that. And well, I hadn’t told him about Paige’s birthday or he wouldn’t have left. So I just ended up feeling lonely.”

Rey broke the hug but kept holding on to her.

“Well, I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. How about a movie?”

Rey smiled encouragingly at Rose and her friend smiled back.

“Yeah, it would be great”, she said.

Half an hour into the movie Rey looked at Rose and couldn’t stop the feeling of guilt from engulfing her heart. She wasn’t guilty about loving Kylo, she had gotten over that. It wasn’t his fault after all. She was guilty about lying and hiding a lot of things from a friend who had entrusted her with every secret. She turned her attention back towards the movie and resolved to let Rose know about the truth soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm finally back. Thanks to everyone for the patience. My exams got over 2 days back and I needed one day to relax and then I got back to writing yesterday.  
> If you get the "I'm with you till the end of the line" reference I'm already 12% in love with you (and if you get this reference I'm 100% in love with you)  
> If you get the "The things I do for love" reference then you're the moon of my life <3  
> I don't like this chapter much but it's important for building up the story (I guess :P) and I am really excited for the next chapter because it'll be cool. So I guess this is just a compensation for not posting for a whole month.  
> Will try to post the next chapter soon but it's my birthday on Sunday (yayyyy I'm about to turn 20) and I'm going to meet a lot of friends from school and college and there's a family get together too anddddd there's a party and all this will take 3-4 days so I don't know when I'll get to write it :/  
> Please please please leave comments and kudos because they encourage me a lot! :) I love everyone who's reading this <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few months since Kylo and Rey first met. They are closer than ever. But something happens that might destroy the peace they have been enjoying for some time.

It had been four months since Rey had first laid her eyes upon Kylo Ren and they had gotten really close to each other in this period. She had made it a habit to visit him at least thrice a week and she texted him every single day. Whenever they were together they watched movies or TV shows, Kylo played the piano for Rey, she sang for him, or they just talked about their lives. There was nothing about one person’s life that the other didn’t know. Well…nothing except the fact that they were both secretly in love with each other.

Every week Rey spent one day of her weekend entirely with Kylo. They cooked all their meals together that day and then sat together in his personal library to read. This was probably her favourite part of her weekend; Kylo sitting cross-legged on the floor of his library, his back leaning against one of the many shelves and engrossed in his book and herself lying on her stomach, her elbows resting on one of the many cushions lying on the floor. Kylo had suggested that they could use his study but she had preferred it this way, she found it cozier. So every Saturday or Sunday they sat reading this way, listening to the sound of their breathing and stealing glances at each other. Kylo smiled inwardly at Rey’s funny facial expressions while reading and Rey admired the way the sunlight fell into his eyes and made them glow like embers.

Both of them were genuinely happy, happier than they had ever been all their lives. Even if they couldn’t confess their love for each other, at least they could be together. It was all that mattered.

The people around them were happy too. Finn and Rose were closer than ever and Rey was really happy for them. Rey spent loads of time with Rose and her two best friends. Poe had a girlfriend too! Her name was Kaydel Ko Connix and she was studying Political Science at their University. Every time the two couples went for double dates, Rey sneaked away to meet Kylo. She didn’t want to give Finn a reason to complain, not that he was complaining anymore. He had gotten used to the ‘Kylo Ren mania’ which is how he had started referring to Rey’s relation with Kylo. He did have his fears but he had decided that it was better not to voice them because arguing with Rey won’t lead to any solution. Rey’s only concern was that Rose and Poe were still oblivious to the truth and she felt really guilty about it. She hadn’t had the courage to tell them everything and was still waiting for the right time.

Leia was also looking better day by day and seeing her happy made Kylo happy which in turn made Rey happy. Leia now often got Rey some of her cooking and Rey sneaked away to share it with her secret not-lover-but-more-than-friend. Everything around her was glowing.

People around Kylo were happy too. Well, to be fair, there was only one other person with whom he associated, the ice-master Hux. His meetings with Kylo had become a lot nicer and so had Kylo’s book reviews.

Everything seemed to be in perfect balance. Little did they know that the balance was about to be disturbed soon.

***

For the first time in a few months Leia was looking really worried and it bothered Rey a lot. She couldn’t wait till evening to ask the older lady what was bothering her so she went to her as soon as the class ended.

“Professor, are you okay? You look really worried”, Rey asked, her voice full of concern.

Leia looked up and smiled sadly. She patted Rey on the shoulder and replied-

“It’s nothing really. I guess I’m just overreacting. Remember I told you that Han was going away for two months for some work and for meeting his old racer buddies? Well, he’s back now and he looks terrible. He’s lost a lot of weight. He said he had typhoid while he was there and didn’t inform me because he didn’t want me to worry and that’s why he’s looking so frail now. I was furious, obviously. But now I’m really worried. Something doesn’t feel right.”

“Well, you’ve so much knowledge on the subject of medicine. Speaking medically, what do your instincts say?”

“My logic says that there’s nothing to worry about. Typhoid does weaken the body a lot and there’s no reason why Han would lie to me. But my heart…my heart is not ready to accept this answer. He’s been acting weird lately. Even though he has returned, he spends most of his time away from home with his best friend Chewbacca”, she sighed deeply, “Anyway, don’t bother yourself with my stupid concerns. I overthink a lot. It has become a habit of mine ever since Ben left,” she smiled sadly and Rey could feel her heart squeezing slightly in her chest.

“By the way”, Leia continued, “you don’t have to come to the lab today. I don’t think I can work in this condition. I need time to relax a bit.”

She gave Rey a hug.

“Please take care of yourself. And if there’s anything I can do for you, let me know”, Rey spoke softly.

“Thank you so much my child”, Leia's eyes were full of emotion.

Something was definitely not right, Rey felt it too and she dreaded that the peace she had been enjoying for the last few months was about to be destroyed.

***

Rey was walking on the street when she heard a familiar voice call out her name. She smiled when she recognized the voice and turned around, expecting to see Han Solo smiling at her but the person she saw was completely different from the man she had met a few months ago. It was indeed Han Solo but his face and his whole body had altered so much. He had weakened a lot. She now believed that Leia’s concerns were justified.

“Hey kid”, said Han smiling at Rey.

For a moment Rey was too shocked to speak. When she finally found her voice she asked incredulously-

“Han, what happened to you? You look so weak. I…”, she couldn’t go on. She didn’t know what to say.

“Nothing to worry about kid! I had typhoid and-”

“Yes, Leia told me that but…seeing your condition…I just can’t believe it.”

“Well, I have no reason to lie, kid.”

That silenced Rey but she couldn’t help wondering about Han’s condition.

“Oh by the way”, Han pointed towards an extremely tall and hairy man standing next to him, “this is my best friend Chewbacca.”

Rey smiled and shook Chewbacca’s hand. He was really the tallest person she had ever met but he was surprisingly very gentle and sweet. He smiled at Rey and said, “Nice to meet you, kid.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

“So what are you doing here?”

It was Han who had asked this question and she turned towards him and pointed towards a paper bag she was carrying.

“I had to purchase some new books. I’m doing some extra reading for the mutant project and I couldn’t find these in the library. What about you?”

“Chewie and I are here to have lunch with my brother-in-law and my other best friend Luke. By the way if you’re not busy, why don’t you join us? Luke will be delighted to meet you!”

“No, I-I don’t want to interrupt you guys.”

“Nonsense! You’re coming with us”, Han literally dragged Rey with him. She took this opportunity to use her healing powers on Han. Her gift of healing had a slight drawback. When she tried to treat injuries or diseases, she also felt some of the pain that the other person was experiencing. So when she used her powers on Han, she was expecting to feel a bit of his pain, but the amount of pain she experienced was so much that she jerked her hand away from him. Han turned around and looked at her in surprise, he had obviously felt a bit of his pain momentarily leaving him but what had shocked him was Rey’s sudden reaction.

“Is everything okay, kid?”

“Yeah, yeah”, Rey tried to speak with as much conviction as possible, “I-I just felt some insect crawling on my arm so I pulled away.”

“Oh!”

Han and Chewbacca both looked convinced but Rey had only gotten more worried. What she had experienced was only some of Han’s pain. He looked fine on the outside but at that moment and perhaps every second he was experiencing an excruciating pain inside. She silently followed the two men into a restaurant and they sat together at a table in the corner.

“We always sit here”, Chewbacca told her and she nodded her head with a smile, a smile that she was faking because her insides were twisting with worry.

“Luke will be here soon- Oh! There he is!”

The three of them stood up to greet Leia’s twin. He wasn’t tall but he had a mystical aura about him. He had a long beard and piercing blue eyes that seemed to see into her soul.

 _So this is Ben’s uncle,_ she thought to herself and recalled that Kylo had mentioned his uncle being a powerful telepath.

_This is the man who ended the reign of Darth Vader. Wow._

The three men had stopped hugging and exchanging a few words and now Luke was regarding Rey curiously. She felt like he knew something about her. Not just something, it felt like he knew everything about her.

Han introduced the two to each other.

“Rey, this is my brother-in-law and Leia’s twin, Luke Skywalker. He is a great teacher and is the head of Skywalker’s institute for gifted youngsters. Luke, this is Rey-”

“Leia’s student, right?” Luke interrupted Han before he could finish introducing Rey. “The one who’s working with her on the mutant project?”

“Yeah, that’s her,” Han nodded.

“Let’s get seated and order something, shall we? I’m starving”, Chewbacca roared and they all started laughing.

They kept talking about random things throughout the meal, Rey’s classes and the mutant project, Luke’s school and Chewie’s car workshop but the subject of Han’s two month long trip and his health was explicitly avoided. Rey tried bringing it up but Han just spoke a little about it and they changed the topic soon. Perhaps the three had chatted about the trip before and were not interested in bringing it up again. As for Han’s health, Luke did bring up the topic towards the end of the meal. He had been throwing Han worried glances throughout the meal, of that Rey was certain. She had also seen Chewie and Luke share gloomy looks. Nothing went unnoticed by her. Just as Rey was eating the last bite of her food Luke said-

“You know Han, you really look terrible.”

Han smiled sadly.

“There’s nothing that you don’t know my friend. You know the reason behind my poor health.”

 _Perhaps that’s a secret reference to Luke’s telepathic powers,_ Rey mused.

Suddenly Luke turned his face towards her and asked-

“You’re a doctor in the making. What do your instincts say?”

“My instincts say that he’s in bad shape”, Rey answered.

“Hmm, same here”, Luke nodded thoughtfully. He shook his head to clear his mind and continued, “now that we’re done with the lunch, we’ll be going for a drink. Do you want to join us?”

Rey blinked.

“For a drink? Now? But it’s too early! And no, I don’t drink and I’m not even of age yet.”

“It’s never too early for a drink”, Luke winked at her. “Well, I guess this where we say our goodbyes then.”

Rey hugged Han and shook hands with Luke and Chewbacca.

“We’ll meet again”, Luke said bidding her goodbye. He didn’t say that he hoped to or wished to meet her again. He said it as a fact, like he knew what fate had in store for them. This made Rey feel slightly uneasy. She smiled and left, waving at the three men as she walked away.

***

Since Leia had given her a day off from the lab, Rey decided to visit Kylo. She obviously had a lot to talk about too, about Han specifically. It was going to be hard, she was sure of it. Kylo loved Leia unconditionally and talked about her freely but his relationship with his father…it was definitely very complicated and talking about Han had always been painful for him.

Yet, this was something serious and she knew Kylo had the right to know and would want to know this. No matter how complicated their relationship was, it didn’t change the fact that he did care for his father. She braced herself for the conversation and mentally went over what she would say again and again.

Kylo had been expecting Rey’s visit since she had texted him in advance. When he opened the door, he had a wide smile on his face, a smile that he had reserved only for Rey. However, when he saw Rey’s worried expression, his smile faded and gave way to a look full of concern.

“Hey, you okay? Well, get inside and tell me what’s wrong”, he said moving aside to give her passage into his apartment.

She walked in and sat down on the couch and Kylo sat opposite to her. He didn’t ask her anything as he knew she would tell him everything in time. When she finally summoned the courage to speak, Rey said-

“I met your father today. He looks very ill.”

Kylo’s face transformed into a mixture of various emotions in a matter of seconds. There was surprise, hurt, loneliness, pain, fear, concern and so much more. It took him some time to arrange his thoughts and when he finally was in full control of his emotions, he asked-

“What has happened to him? Is my mother okay?”

So Rey launched into a tale about her day and her meeting with Han. She also told him, in detail, about how worried Leia was. When she reached to the part about meeting Luke, Kylo stiffened and interrupted Rey.

“You met my uncle?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said. And let me tell you something, he was worried about Han too.”

“Did he say something, or do something that seemed weird?”

“What? No, of course not. Why would you ask that?”

“Rey, think hard. This is important.”

“Well…it did seem like he knew something about me. Why is this relevant, though?”

“He’s a telepath, you know. What if he read your mind and got to know about me?”

_Okay. He’s got a point._

Rey thought hard for a moment and then shook her head.

“No Ben, he wouldn’t do that. Reading someone’s thoughts without their permission is like invading their privacy. Your uncle is such a great man. I can’t imagine what makes you think so lowly of him.”

Kylo was shaking his head furiously.

 _Yes he really is a great man. But you don’t know him like I do,_ He thought to himself but didn’t voice his opinions. They were both already worried about his father’s deteriorating health. An additional reason to be worried wouldn’t do either of them any good. At least for the time being, he lay he concerns to rest.

“Well, go on about my father”, he said.

She did. She told him about the unbearable pain she felt when she tried to use her powers and Kylo clenched his fists and his forehead creased. He was extremely worried now. Rey got up and sat next to him. She took his clenched fist in her hand and unclenched it and started caressing his hand softly.

“Everything will be fine. We’ll find out what’s wrong with him and he’ll be okay.”

“Yes. Everything will be fine.”

It was more of a wish than a belief. He had suffered so much for so long and had at last found some peace only to realise it was temporary. He wasn’t strong enough to bear more pain and loss. But even if there was going to be more suffering, at least he wouldn’t be alone. At least he had Rey with him. She would help him bear it all.

 _Everything will be fine,_ he kept repeating the words like a prayer.

***

Rey stayed with him for some time. They didn’t talk much, but they didn’t really have to. Even the silent presence of each other was enough to make them feel better, to make them feel like they were not alone.

When it started getting late, Rey got up to leave.

“I-”, she started saying but Kylo interrupted her.

“Yes, I know. I’ll drop you.”

“No, no. I’ll get a cab. You’re too worried right now, you shouldn’t drive.”

He shrugged.

“I guess you’re right. By the way, thanks for coming.”

Rey smiled and hugged him tightly. They remained like that for some time, holding on to each other. There was so much left unsaid between them, words could never be enough to explain what the two felt.

“I’ll see you later”, Rey spoke when she finally let go of him.

They said their goodbyes and Kylo locked the door. He fell back on the couch with a loud thump, his hands running across his hair and his eyes reflecting the worry gnawing at his heart.

Suddenly his doorbell rang. He got up at once and wondered who it could be. The only logical conclusion that his mind reached was that perhaps Rey had forgotten to tell him something or maybe she had forgotten something in his apartment. That had happened before so it was nothing to worry about.

As it turned out, it _was_ something to worry about indeed.

When Kylo opened the door, brown eyes met blue ones and his face turned into a mask of fear. Luke Skywalker was standing in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the very late update :/  
> Even though my exams are over, I've been busy with stuff that I had put off for after the exams. And I've hardly been at home during the last 5-6 days. Visiting friends and family and all. And before that I had my birthday. Plus I'm going to my grandmother's for 10 days.  
> Trying my best to write in the little time that I get.  
> I thought this chapter would be cool but I don't like it much. But it is necessary because the entire plot rests on it.
> 
> P.S. I finally read the TLJ novel and I cried so much. It's so beautiful.  
> P.P.S. As always, please leave comments and kudos! They are very encouraging :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo finally meets Luke. An insight into the relationship between the two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This is a chapter focusing on Kylo and his family (basically his uncle). There's no reylo here. Also I suck at writing chapter summaries so please bear with me :/

“Ben”, Luke said patiently, reaching out for his nephew.

Kylo backed away from his uncle’s touch just as he shouted, “Why are you here?”

“Well, won’t you at least let me come in? We can talk patiently. We don’t want your neighbours to hear us, do we? Although I’m pretty sure not many people live in this dingy building.”

Kylo nodded. His fists were clenched and his whole body was shaking. When Luke finally stepped into his apartment, he slammed the door shut very loudly and shouted again-

“Why are you here?”

“Ben, please-”                                                                      

“THAT’S NOT MY NAME!”

Luke remained calm. He didn’t even flinch a little.

“No? But of course, you’ve shed your previous identity and call yourself Kylo Ren now. People can change their appearance, even their habits. But the heart, no one can change their heart. And you still have your father’s heart. I can see it, I can feel it. I can feel the love you feel for that girl. Rey, isn’t it? Of course, it is.”

“Stop. Please, stop”, Kylo said between tears. Seeing him cry shocked Luke and made him regret what he had said.

“Ben I-”

“No. Don’t say you’re sorry because I know you’re not. You did this all the time. Trying to get into my mind even when I didn’t want you to. Always, always making me feel worse about myself. You just wanted me to fit into a certain mould. You never cared for my feelings, never.”

Luke sighed sadly.

“I was just trying to help you, kid.”

“Well, you didn’t. You just made everything worse. You drove me away from everyone.”

***

_Ben was standing outside his parents’ bedroom trying to overhear his parents talking to his uncle. He was eleven and his powers had started manifesting. He’d stopped going to school, obviously. How could he? He’d spent his days sitting alone in his room and crying, not letting his parents come near him. Not that his father wanted to. Though his mother, she was a different case._

_And now his parents were planning to send him away to his uncle’s school for mutant children. He put his ear closer to the door to hear properly._

_“The kid is freaking me out, Luke. If his powers had been anything like Leia or yours, that would have been fine but this… this is not good. I don’t know what else to say. He already has a bad temper and his powers just make him a… well, a messed up case”, his father said and he died a little inside._

_“Han!”_

_He heard his mother shout at his father and he could hear the anger and sadness in her voice. That made him feel a little better. At least his mother loved him._

_“Leia, it’s fine. Han is human and a lot of human parents react that way to their kid’s powers. I’ve met parents who absolutely hate mutants. Some of the kids have to hide their identities from their parents fearing that they’ll give them away for scientific research.”_

_That was his uncle’s voice. Ben cringed. He wondered what kind of parents would send their kids to a place from where there was no coming back. At least his parents weren’t like that. But if his father hadn’t been acquainted with mutantkind from before, would he have hated him? Would he send him away to be experimented upon? Did he hate him now? Or was he just scared? He couldn’t blame him for being scared though, he himself was scared of his powers._

_“But Han has known about mutants for years, Luke! The way he’s been behaving…Luke, it’s scaring Ben. He needs to control his fears, well at least in front of the child”, his mother said._

_“Well, yes I have known mutants but none with powers like that!” Han shouted. Ben recoiled in fear and tears began pouring down his eyes._

_“Leia, Han both of you calm down. I’m taking him with me, okay? Spending some time away from each other will be good for both Han and Ben. And Ben will be in the company of kids just like him, it will help him open up. I promise you both I’ll help him learn how to control his powers, well if-if they can be controlled.”_

_“And if not?” Leia asked with a tone of fear in her voice._

_Luke sighed heavily._

_“Well then, I’ll help him learn to live with his powers.”_

_“What do you mean? You’re not sure if they can be controlled or not?” Han spoke so suddenly and loudly that it made Ben jump._

_“Han! Speak quietly. Ben might hear us”, Leia hushed him._

_“Well he already is listening to us”, said Luke, making Ben freeze where he was standing._

_There was no sound of movement from inside the room and yet Ben could see the door opening slowly, as if by magic. As the door opened, he could see his father standing near the wall and his mother and uncle sitting on the edge of his parents’ bed._

_“I have telekinetic powers. I opened the door with my mind”, Luke said to Ben and Ben blinked in confusion._

_“Well, you were wondering how the door opened when none of us moved”, his uncle stated matter-of-factly._

_“But how did you know that?” Ben asked incredulously._

_“Because I can read minds too. I’m a telepath.”_

_Ben could hear his uncle’s voice clearly, right inside his head but he couldn’t see his uncle’s lips moving. The kid felt afraid and backed away._

_“What-what did you just do?” He asked._

_“I used my telepathic powers to speak into your mind”, Luke answered._

_“Eavesdropping is a bad habit”, Ben heard his uncle’s voice in his mind again. It didn’t feel right._

_“Stop doing that!”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because I don’t like it!”_

_Luke shrugged._

_“I’m sorry my dear nephew but I’ll have to keep doing that because from now on I’m not just your uncle but also your teacher. I’m just trying to help you, okay? Don’t worry though, you’ll get used to this.”_

_“So I’m leaving home? I’ll be going with you?”_

_“Yes. How do you feel about that?”_

_“I don’t know. I’m just scared I guess.”_

_“Scared about meeting new people or about your powers?”_

_“Both, I guess.”_

_Luke nodded and put his hands on the little boy’s shoulders._

_“Well, you don’t have to be. I’ll help you make friends. And what did I say about your powers?”_

_“You said my powers are a gift.”_

_“Exactly. Everything will be fine, Ben.”_

_Ben didn’t help but feel that his powers were a curse but he tried to push away those thoughts. He didn’t want his uncle to peer into his mind again._

_***_

_Ben ran into his room and locked the door, his eyes brimming with tears. Coming with his uncle was a mistake. All the other kids were scared of him. All of them. And his uncle hadn’t figured a way to help him control his powers._

_“You’re not letting me help, Ben. You are not cooperating.”_

_Ben heard the familiar voice speaking into his mind again and he cringed._

_“Will you please leave me alone for just once? I hate this!”_

_“You see, if you don’t let me come into your room then this is the only way I can talk to you. Like I said, you are not cooperating.”_

_“I don’t know what to do, okay? Besides, what have you done in the last one year and four months other than probing inside my mind?”_

_Ben was seething with rage now._

_“It was necessary, Ben! I’m trying to help you here. I’m trying to understand your thoughts. Distancing yourself from everyone will only make matters worse.”_

_Luke sounded impatient but Ben wasn’t going to listen to him._

_“Just leave me alone! At least for a few hours.”_

_Even in his mind, he could hear Luke sigh._

_“Alright. We’ll talk later.”_

_***_

_He was sixteen now and nothing had changed. Every person at the school was still scared of him and he hadn’t learnt to control his powers either. His uncle’s visits into his mind were still very frequent. Every time he had any negative thoughts, his uncle’s voice started booming into his mind, lecturing him about what kind of a student he should be and how he should behave. But most importantly, his uncle stressed the point that his powers were a boon to him, they made him special and that he should be proud of them. But all they made him feel were fear, shame and loneliness._

_“Ben, you should try talking to other kids”, his uncle’s voice spoke into his head one day._

_“Uncle, I certainly want to make friends but no one wants to talk to me.”_

_“That’s because you’re always so cold and distant.”_

_“I am cold and distant because no one likes me. How else am I supposed to behave after having lead a friendless life?”_

_“Ben, that is exactly my poi-”_

_“No, you listen to me! I tried, okay? I tried when I first came here but everyone was scared of me and you didn’t help either. Always treating me like a problem you had to solve, not once did you treat me like a child. Scavenging into my mind for some hidden treasure, for some clue that would help you to help me control my powers. As if I had the answer. You know what, if I had the answer, I would have been the first one to tell you. Because I’m sick of this miserable existence!”_

_“Ben-”_

_“How many of your students have the honour of receiving these ‘mind visits’ by the way? Or is this honour reserved just for your precious nephew?” Ben spoke bitterly._

_“Well I do talk to some of the students this way, the ones who need my help. And believe me, unlike you, they are very cooperative. Many of them are getting better.”_

_“Well I don’t have a disease, uncle!” Ben seethed._

_“But you do have mental health issues, Ben. And I don’t blame you for that but…there is a certain way that you must behave. I’m trying my best to help you but if you don’t try to improve your attitude then-”_

_“Then I’ll be lonely forever”, Ben interrupted his uncle. “Yes, thanks but I already know that and no, I don’t know how to behave the way you want me to. I can’t be all cheerful and friendly when I know that everyone hates me. Just-just get out of my head.”_

_“Ben, I-”_

_“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!”_

_And Luke’s presence was gone, if only for some time._

_Ben collapsed on his bed crying._

***

It had been years since Kylo had last seen his uncle but somehow he always knew that his uncle would find him and his fears had definitely come true. Here he was, standing in front of the man who was both his family and teacher but who had failed miserably in both the roles. Neither could he help him overcome his fears and loneliness, nor could he teach him to control his powers.

“I failed you, Ben. I’m sorry”, Luke apologised.

“I’m sure you are”, Kylo spoke bitterly.

“I know you are angry and I don’t blame you. I blame myself for everything. Leia thinks what happened was her fault. Han blames himself. I think we three were equally responsible for driving you away.”

Kylo didn’t say anything but he could feel moisture in his eyes.

“Leia…my sister was so busy helping the mutantkind that she forgot she had a son who needed her too. Han was scared that he wasn’t good enough for you and that he couldn’t save you. It scared him and he began distancing himself from you. And I, I tried to be a good teacher when I should have been a good friend and uncle. I should have realised that you didn’t need to be disciplined, you needed to be loved.”

Tears were pooling down both the men’s eyes now. Luke’s voice was heavy with emotion. He continued-

“I could feel the darkness building up inside you. Pain and loneliness had created Darth Vader. I didn’t want another Vader to rise in our family. I thought I should be strict with you. But I should have realised that forcing you to act a certain way would only worsen your condition. I failed you and my masters. I was young and I was a desperate fool. Desperate to drive the darkness away from you. I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I need you to know that I regret my actions.”

Ben nodded.

“So you found out about me by looking into Rey’s mind?” Ben asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Yeah, well I can’t stop hearing the immediate thoughts of other people, just like you can’t control your powers. I just can’t shut it out. And when she saw me, she thought of me as ‘Ben’s uncle’ and not ‘Leia’s brother’. That was curious because she is Leia’s student and unless she knew you, she shouldn’t have referred to me that way. And then she thought about what you had told her about me ending the reign of Darth Vader and that confirmed my suspicions. And I found out she was a mutant too and I was really surprised. So I looked into her mind to find out about you. You can’t blame me for that.”

“No, I don’t. I always knew you would find me”, Kylo said. He added after a moment, “So are you here just to apologise and chat about life or is there some other purpose behind this visit?”

Luke stiffened and his eyes hardened.

“Well now that you mention it,” he said, “there really is an important reason behind this visit.”

Kylo braced himself and asked, “Is it about my father?”

“So she told you about him”, Luke spoke while nodding his head simultaneously. “Well, what did she tell you?”

Kylo launched into a narrative about what Rey had told him while Luke listened patiently, not revealing any emotion. When he finally finished Luke crossed his arms across his chest and asked-

“So, what do you think?”

“I think he’s hiding something.”

“Yes. Yes, he is hiding something”, Luke nodded.

“But nothing stays hidden from you.”

“No, nothing stays hidden from me.”

“So what is it?” Kylo sounded irritated.

“First answer my question. Do you care for your father, Ben?”

Kylo froze. “What-what do you mean?” He muttered.

“Exactly what I said.”

“Yes, I do”, Kylo sighed.

Luke moved towards his nephew and rested his hands on Kylo’s shoulders. He looked him in the eye and said-

“Ben, I’m really sorry to say this. Han is suffering from cancer. Final stage. Your father has very little time.”

Kylo could feel his body going numb. He couldn’t see or hear anything. He felt lost and helpless. He knew he had screamed but he hadn’t heard it. A minute later (or had it been longer?) he could feel his knees going weak and he collapsed on the floor. And then came the tears, hot and stinging his eyes. He knew his uncle was saying something but he couldn’t hear it. He had spent years disliking his father and now Han was going to leave him forever. Han wasn’t a very good father but the two had shared some beautiful moments. And no matter how much the two had distanced themselves from each other, Kylo knew that Han loved him and cared for him, because so did he. Luke was right, he did have his father’s heart after all.

It took Luke some time to calm Kylo down. When Kylo was finally feeling slightly better, he asked his uncle in a childlike voice, “He hasn’t told mum, has he?”

Luke shook his head, “No, he hasn’t.”

“But why? She will find out eventually. If he tells her, at least they’ll be able to spend some final moments together.”

He barely managed to speak the last part. It hurt his insides to think that his father would be gone soon.

“That’s what I’m here to talk about. Han is going to take Leia for a week-long trip. He wants to spend some happy moments with her without causing any sort of worry. And then he wants to talk to you. Can you do that, Ben? Will you talk to him?”

Luke was pleading but he didn’t have to. Kylo wasn’t a cold-hearted man even if at times he pretended to be. If this was his father’s final wish, he was obviously going to fulfil it.

“Of course, I will”, he assured his uncle.

***

The week passed in agony for Kylo. He worried about his father, felt guilty about not telling Rey anything and dreaded the eventual reunion with Han. He didn’t want to tell Rey about Han’s condition because he didn’t want her to worry. He wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do but these days he wasn’t sure about anything anyway. Luke had promised him that the truth about Rey and Kylo’s acquaintance as well as Kylo’s address would remain a secret between the two of them and Han. That was the only relief in his life at the moment, that is apart from Rey. Everything else was a chaos.

Rey was obviously worried about him. Kylo was looking paler with every passing day. However, she concluded that this might be because he was worried about Han, which was true of course, but for reasons she was oblivious to.

And then came the day of Kylo and Han’s fateful meeting.

Kylo heard his doorbell ring and his heart momentarily stopped. He could feel his entire body shaking as he went to open the door. There stood his father, looking withered and pale, nothing like the man he used to know.

“Ben?” Han whispered. His son was no longer the young boy he had known. He was a handsome man. Han’s heart was full of emotion and he could feel his eyes brimming with tears.

“D-dad.”

Kylo averted his gaze and motioned his father to come in. It was an emotional moment for both of them but talking to each other had always been difficult and would remain so in the limited time they had. They sat across from each other and remained that way for a while. Kylo was the first to break the silence.

“So, I hear you’re doing what you’re best at. Leaving”, his voice was breaking with every word he spoke.

“Ben, I-”, Han tried to speak but Kylo interrupted him.

“No, no. I’m not accusing you or anything. I- I know it’s not like you had a choice. I’m just- I don’t- I don’t think I would be able to bear your loss.”

Han looked up in surprise. He couldn’t believe that his son really cared for him.  After all the mistakes he had committed, he wouldn’t have blamed Kylo for hating him, even though it would have hurt him.

“Since when?” Kylo asked his father.

“It’s been a few months but two months ago my condition started worsening. So, I left on the pretext of some work and meeting old friends. In reality, I had gone to another city for my treatment. I had a few sessions of chemotherapy in the last two months but the doctors said that since I’m in my last stage, I don’t have much time left. Chemotherapy would only prolong my death, not avoid it permanently”, Han said running his hands over his head and taking off the wig he was wearing to reveal his bald head. Kylo looked at him in shock. His father looked even worse without the hair.

“I obviously lost my hair because of the chemo sessions”, Han shrugged, “so I’m wearing this so that I can look as normal as possible”, he sighed.

“But Mom will find out eventually! What’s the point of all this? She deserves to know the truth, Dad!” Kylo countered.

“Your mother has been through a lot, kid. I don’t want to increase her sufferings.”

“But she will obviously suffer when you-when you-”, Kylo couldn’t go on.

“When I die?” Han sighed. “Yes, of course she’ll suffer. But it would be better if she suffers just once instead of dying a little each day. It would break her to see me in pain and I don’t want that because her past wounds haven’t even healed yet.”

“But-but don’t you realise how much pain it would cause her when she finds out you hid the truth about your disease from her?”

“Yeah, about that”, Han said gravely. “Kid, I’m not just here to meet you one final time, I’m here to ask for your help.”

“My help?” Kylo was confused. Nothing had been going right for him and he dreaded what he was about to hear next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to all! I'm back from my vacation and working on this story again. I hope to update the next chapter next week itself. The story is nearing its end and there'll be like 5 or 6 chapters more. Anddddd it's gonna get more intense from here. 
> 
> Few things I wanna mention. Firstly I quoted one dialogue directly from TLJ. I love doing stuff like this at time. 
> 
> Secondly, I made this chapter a bit serious because I wanted to establish the facts about Kylo's childhood that made him the way he is. I feel that it's not just physical abuse that's bad for kids (ofc it is just the worst thing and no kid should ever experience such a thing) but when parents/guardians force kids to be a certain way or they burden them with their expectations, that can be harmful for kids too. If kids are made to feel that they are not good enough and that they are failing their parents/guardians then it can be very detrimental for them because that increases the feeling of loneliness and depression. Moreover, often parents/guardians feel that whatever decisions they take are best for their kids and sometimes it is imperative for them to be strict but that is not always the case. Kids who are already suffering from such issues as Ben (obviously figuratively not literally because no one has mutant powers irl) they need to be loved and not questioned about their behaviour and forced to act a certain way. 
> 
> Sorry for the rant, I just felt this was important.
> 
> Lastly, thanks for all the support and please keep sending love via comments and kudos!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han reconciles with Kylo but he asks his son for a very difficult favour

“Firstly, I want you to know that I love you and I’m sorry for the way I treated you at times”, Han said softly.

“Dad, it’s fine, okay? Let’s not talk about all that right now. Just tell me how I can help you”, Kylo insisted.

“No, this is important. I know that at times you must have felt that I hated you, that I hated the fact that you turned out to be a mutant. But that isn’t true, son. I’ve always loved you. I’ve just never been good with expressing my feelings”, Han smiled at his son. “A trait that I believe I’ve passed on to you.”

“I was scared, Ben”, Han continued. “I was scared of the fact that you were struggling with your powers and I wasn’t good enough to help you. I was scared that it would break our family. I saw that you shared something in common with your mother and uncle which I wasn’t a part of and it frustrated me. It frustrated me that I would never be able to understand you and your powers the way they did and hence, I started distancing myself from you. Little did I understand that I should have done just the opposite. That I should have made greater efforts to understand you.

“I stopped touching you because I thought it made you feel uncomfortable but I never realised that showing you a bit of physical affection would increase your confidence and help you overcome your fears. I was so scared of doing something that would disappoint you that I ended up widening the gap between us.”

“Dad, it’s fine”, Kylo said with teary eyes. What his father had said made him relieved and sad at the same time. He was relieved to know that his father did love him a lot but he was sad to know that their issues had been resolved when they had no time left.

“I’m sorry too, Dad. I’m sorry that I never tried to understand the reasons behind your behaviour.”

“No, Ben. How could you? You were a kid and I was an adult. I should have done better. Please forgive me. My mistakes have been like a burden upon my soul and if you don’t forgive me I wouldn’t be able to die in peace”, Han was crying now.

“Please don’t say that, Dad! I-I forgive you. I really do. And I love you, Dad. I love you and care for you”, Kylo said while tears traced patters on his face.

“And now”, Han tensed up, “and now I need you to help me, son. You’re the only one who can.”

“Yes, Dad. What is it?”

“Do you promise to help me?”

“I promise.”

“You’ll do anything I ask you to?”

Kylo hesitated a moment. What if his father asked him to go back to his old life? To his mother? He couldn’t afford to reveal himself and put his mother’s life and position at risk.

“Anything apart from revealing my identity and going back to my old life”, Kylo said.

“It’s not that. But you would do anything apart from that?”

Kylo nodded.

“Anything.”

Han braced himself for what he was about to say because he knew it wouldn’t be easy.

“Ben, I need you to use your powers on me and put me out of my misery.”

Kylo blinked in confusion. He thought that perhaps he had misheard his father.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I want to end my life, Ben. And you must help me with it.”

“Are you mad?” Kylo jumped to his feet. “How can you ask this of me?”

“I can’t live with this pain anymore. Why prolong the inevitable? I can’t tell Leia because watching her suffering because of me would be unbearable. I’ve hurt a lot of people all my life and I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“Then take poison or sleeping pills! I can’t do it, okay?”

Han laughed mirthlessly.

“I wish I could, kid. But I’m a coward. I wouldn’t have the courage to do it myself. And doing something like this would show up in the autopsy report.”

“Then jump off a building or-or crash your car somewhere and tell uncle Luke or someone else to pass it off as an accident!”

“Like I said, I wouldn’t have the courage to pull it off.”

“But why me?” Kylo cried out loud. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because you are the only one who can help me and because you are my son. And you giving an old sick man a peaceful death. It would be euthanasia.”

“Yeah, you would be at peace but my soul would be scarred for life. I’m already responsible for the death of an innocent and I can’t take the burden of another death upon my soul.”

“No, you would be doing me a favour. And you would be saving your mother a lot of pain. Please do it, Ben. If not for me, do it for the woman we both love. I can’t live like this anymore.”

Kylo didn’t say anything. It was too much to bear.

“Rey told you about the pain she experienced when she tried to use her powers, didn’t she?”

Kylo looked up in surprise.

“Yes, Luke told me about you both. And I’m glad you have someone to share your feelings with but what I’m trying to explain is that what she experienced was only a part of my pain. Imagine what I must be going through every moment of my life. The longer I wait, the more the chance of Leia finding out the truth. It wouldn’t do anyone any good, Ben. Not me, not Leia, not you. No one”, Han tried to reason.

“How will I ever get over the fact that I killed my father? It would tear me apart”, Kylo’s whispered.

Han reached out for his son and looked him in the eyes.

“You won’t be killing, Ben. Don’t you see? It would be a mercy.”

Kylo thought about it hard. Every inch of his body and soul was against what Han was saying but there was also the fact that Han was suffering and also that he was too stubborn that he would go to any lengths to hide the truth from Leia.

This was the first time he had a chance to do something for his father. If he could give his father a painless and merciful death, perhaps he should.

_I couldn’t make Dad’s life peaceful but perhaps I can make his death a peaceful one,_ he thought to himself.

Even if it meant that the deed would shatter his heart and haunt him for the remainder of his life, he would do this one last thing for his father.

_I have disappointed you my entire life, at least I won’t disappoint you in death._

“I’ll do it”, Kylo told Han. “I’ll do it because I want you to leave this world in peace.”

Han smiled. He knew death was coming for him and had known this for a long time. The thought of dying didn’t scare him anymore. Yes, he did ask his son to help him end his life because he couldn’t bear any more pain and cause pain to others but that wasn’t the sole reason. He had asked his son to put an end to his sufferings because he had wronged his son the most and having Kylo end his life would be like redemption. He obviously didn’t want to tell his son that.

“When do you want me do it?” Kylo asked in a voice which was hoarse from crying.

“The sooner the better. Do it now.”

Kylo cringed. He had conceded to the inevitability of what he was going to have to do but he wasn’t ready to do it so soon.

“But…don’t you want to say your goodbyes? Meet Mom one last time?”

“I already said all my goodbyes, kid. I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me”, Han smiled sadly.

“But I want to bid farewell to you, of course”, the old man said to his son. “I love you, son. I wish we had more time and I wish you had never left. If I could turn back time and right all the wrongs I have done to you, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it. I’m sorry for everything and I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Dad. And I wish we had more time too. And please don’t be sorry. I have forgiven you for everything. I love you a lot and nothing and no one can ever take your place in my life. I’ll miss you.”

 “I know you don’t want to go back to your old life but please just think about it”, Han pleaded. “Your mother will be all alone once I’m gone. Of course, Luke and Chewie will be there for her always but they will get busy with their own lives, Luke with his school and Chewie with his workshop. She will be all alone. She has seen too many losses in her life, Ben. My loss would shatter her. You are her son. Only you can comfort her once I’m gone.”

“I-I’ll think about it, I promise”, Kylo said earnestly.

“There’s just one more thing that I ask of you, son. Tell Rey that you love her before it’s too late. I’m sure she feels the same way about you. Tell her before she falls for another. Or you will live your remaining life in regret, just the way I did. Just the way I kept wishing to get the chance to ask you for forgiveness and now that I finally have it, we have run out of time.”

Kylo just nodded because he couldn’t speak. He knew that if he uttered even a single word, he wouldn’t be able to hold back the sobs.

Han hugged his son without making contact with his skin. They clutched each other tightly, as if they would collapse if either of them let go. Han spoke while they were still embracing-

“Do it now or you won’t have the courage to do it later.”

Kylo could feel his father’s tears on his shirt and he knew that his father could feel his tears too. A few more seconds passed this way.

“Ben, please”, Han urged.

Kylo didn’t move. He felt like his limbs had all of a sudden become as heavy as lead. Very slowly he finally managed to remove his gloves and bring his hands towards his father’s face but he didn’t have the strength to touch Han.

“Please”, Han pleaded one last time and Kylo gave in to his father’s plea.

Han kept clutching on to his son as Kylo’s hands came in contact with his face. He felt no pain, just a strange sort of rigidness and he could feel his son’s touch snuffing the life out of his body, slowly and steadily. He felt his fingertips and toes go numb first and he could feel that numbness crawling up his body but he didn’t let go of his son, he wouldn’t let go, not until he had no control on himself. He started suffocating in a few seconds. His vision started blurring and his mind went blank. The next couple of minutes were extremely uncomfortable but it was not painful at all. And then there was nothing but oblivion. He was gone.

***

Rey had been restless all day. She didn’t know why but she had the feeling that something wasn’t right. That feeling had only worsened when she saw Leia who was looking extremely pale and worried. Clearly, the older woman had been feeling the same way too. After the class Leia gestured Rey to come to her.

“Professor, everything okay?” the young girl asked.

“Yes and no both”, sighed Leia.

“Professor…I don’t understand. Your trip with Han was fine, right? ” Rey sounded confused.

“Yes dear, the trip was great and we had a wonderful time but now… Well it seems like everything is fine but my heart tells me that something isn’t right, that something bad is about to happen.”

“Oh.”

That was all Rey said. She obviously had the same feeling but she was obviously not going to worry her mentor further by voicing her thoughts.

“Why don’t you take a day off from the lab, Professor. I think you need to relax a little. I’ll handle everything there after all, the project is almost over now. It will only take a few more months.”

“Yes, I think I’ll do that”, replied Leia. “You’re right, we’re almost done with the project. And for that reason, you should take a day off too. After all, you’ve worked so hard.”

Rey turned a little red. She was not used to getting complements and on the occasion that such a thing happened, she always got embarrassed.

“Thanks a lot, Professor”, she said and then hesitated a little. There was something she wanted to ask but she wasn’t sure if it was the right time.

“What is it, Rey? You want to ask something?” Leia asked after reading her hesitant expression.

“Actually I wanted to know who else is working on this project apart from us. I’ve never met anyone. Surely there must be a lot of other people?”

Leia nodded.

“Yes, there are many others. I’ve been working for years- collecting samples, studying them, collecting data about mutants- it wouldn’t have been possible to do so much alone. Especially during the early years when I was broken after Ben-”, she paused and closed her eyes. “After Ben left”, she completed.

Then she smiled at Rey as she said, “I’ll introduce you to all of them soon. Very soon indeed. Just have a little patience.”

Rey nodded. The two women bid each other goodbye and left for their respective destinations. Finn and Rose were going on a double date with Poe and his girlfriend so Rey decided to surprise Kylo.

_He’s been so low lately. Perhaps my visit will cheer him up._

And with that thought she smiled and walked out of University grounds and in the direction of Kylo’s apartment.

***

Rey soon reached her destination and excitedly walked towards the door. Just as she reached out for the doorbell, she noticed that the door was unbolted.

_Strange. That’s so unlike Ben._

She moved her hand towards the doorknob when she suddenly heard a familiar voice and she froze. It was Han’s voice and she had heard him pleading to Kylo for something. There was anguish and desperation in his voice. She kept standing at the door, not willing to interrupt whatever was happening between the father and son.

“Please”, Han requested Kylo again.

A few more minutes passed and Rey didn’t move. When she didn’t hear any sound from inside for a long time, she pushed the door open.

***

Kylo couldn’t believe what he had done, what his father had made him do. He had felt the life force seep out of Han’s body but he was not willing to believe what had happened. He could no longer feel his father’s tears on his shoulder, he could no longer hear the sound of his breathing, nor could he feel his father’s heart thrumming against his chest, where he still kept holding on to him. He knew what the signs meant but he wasn’t willing to let go. No, he wouldn’t let go. Not too soon.

Minutes passed in silence and when he finally had the courage to look into Han’s lifeless eyes, he pulled away, cupping his father’s face gently and holding him a little away from his body. He felt a pain in his chest as he saw his father’s body, as if his heart had been pierced mercilessly by an arrow and he could feel a constriction in his chest.

As he stood there staring at the dead form of his father in shock and pain, he didn’t hear the door open, he didn’t hear the footsteps of the young girl who entered his apartment, he didn’t see the look of horror on her face and he didn’t see the tears that fell from her eyes. He only acknowledged her presence when she let out a loud gasp. He looked in the direction of the gasp and was shocked to see Rey standing there. He was so shocked that he let go of Han’s lifeless body and the body limply fell on the floor. Kylo’s heart felt another piercing ache, he felt guilty for letting go of his dad. He was torn between his desire to reach out for his father and his wish to explain Rey what had happened.

But Rey had already formed a conclusion.

“How could you, Ben?” She asked a shocked Kylo. “How could you?”

Her eyes reflected her hurt and distrust. To see these emotions in her eyes and the fact that he was responsible for these emotions made Kylo’s heart sink.

“Rey, I-”, he tried to reason and walked into her direction, reaching out to hold her but she backed away and Kylo stopped. The same hurt now reflected in his eyes.

“I can’t believe it. He loved you and you killed him. You really hated him so much? Answer me, Kylo Ren!”

She had called him Kylo Ren instead of Ben. Kylo started shaking his head in denial. He couldn’t believe that she could think that he was a murderer.

_But you are a murderer_ , his inner voice chided.

“Rey, please. Please listen to me. And please don’t look at me as if I’m some sort of monster. Please.”

He tried to explain himself but it was of no use.

“You _are_ a monster”, Rey shouted at him.

Kylo stared into her eyes. He had really lost everything now.

“Yes, I am”, he said. But there was no menace in his voice- only hurt and misery.

Rey turned around and started running, taking away the little happiness in Kylo’s life with her.

He turned around and walked towards his father. Then he collapsed on the floor and wrapped his arms around his dead father’s torso. And then he cried for so long that he lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo I’m back! I hope everyone liked this tragic af chapter. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed writing it because it made me really sad.  
> This chapter would have been up 3 days ago if it weren’t for the fact that half the keys of my laptop aren’t working. So I spent one day grieving and then the other two days I had to wait for my father to come home from work so that I could use his laptop.  
> So here’s something I want to clear just in case some people are confused (which is quite possible). Rey’s powers cannot heal Han because she can cure only some diseases and not all. I have mentioned this already in the first or second chapter. It would have been great if she were able to but I believe that then she would go out and help every person suffering from this horrible disease because cancer is just the worst. And life isn’t that fair, not even in stories. Because if everything was nice then it wouldn’t be a real story.   
> Also I’m watching season 2 of this show called Legion which is based on mutants and it’s super cool but it can get really confusing. If anyone is a die-hard X-Men fan you’ll love it. And I was watching the second episode and there was a dialogue there which I’m gonna add in the next chapter because it was very very very relatable with the theme of this story.  
> btw, if anyone has read the tlj novel, you may find that one line is almost exactly the same :P  
> Lastly, tomorrow is a very important day for me because I’ll be starting with this extra class for my post-graduation entrance tests prep and all and it’s very important so please pray for me!   
> Thanks for all the love! Please keep encouraging me with your comments and kudos <3


	12. Chapter 12

 

When Kylo woke again he wondered whether it had all been a terrible nightmare or he had really lost his father and the girl he loved forever. He saw Luke face’s hovering over his and he got up abruptly.

“You okay, kid? I came to see you and I found the door open. When I entered I saw…well I saw you had passed out while holding onto your father’s body. I lifted you up and laid you on the couch. I was just waiting for you to wake up”, his uncle said and he could hear that Luke’s voice was shaking slightly and his face was smeared with tears. It wasn’t a nightmare after all.

Kylo looked around and saw his father’s body lying on the other couch. He turned towards Luke.

“You knew!” He accused Luke. “You knew what he wanted me to do but you never told me.”

“Yes, I knew”, sighed Luke. “But I thought it would be best if you heard the whole thing from your father. And Ben…I’m sorry but I know about everything else that happened too. About Rey, I mean.”

“How can I live now?” Kylo cried. “I’ve killed my father and lost the only girl that I’ve ever loved. What’s the point of my life?”

“Ben, no! You didn’t kill your father. You gave him a merciful and painless end. You did him a favour. As for Rey, no matter what she said, she doesn’t hate you, Ben. On the contrary, she cares for you. That’s why she was so hurt to see what she saw. She’ll come around. I’ll talk to her.”

Kylo was shaking his head.

“No, there’s no point. Even if she forgives me, what we had is gone forever. When we mend a broken thing, it is never the same again. The cracks from where it was broken will always remain visible.”

“Yes, they will always remain visible”, Luke said calmly, “but they will serve as reminders of the mistakes of the past and not as a hindrance to a better future. They will remind you of what went wrong and why and what should be done so that it doesn’t happen again.”

Kylo looked up at his uncle with hope in his eyes.

“Do you really think so?” he asked.

“Yes, Ben. I really do.”

Kylo got up and walked towards Han’s body. He kneeled next to it and looked at his father’s face. Luke had closed his eyes and he looked like he was sleeping peacefully. Kylo was thankful to his uncle for that.

“You’re welcome”, Luke said. He had read Kylo’s mind but for the first time Kylo didn’t mind that at all.

“Uncle, what are we going to do now?”

“You mean, what am _I_ going to do now, right? After all, you have pledged to remain hiding.”

Kylo sighed.

“You know I can’t-” he tried to explain but Luke interrupted him.

“Yes, yes, I know. Well, Han had lied that he was going to meet me. So, I’m just taking him to the hospital in my car. I’ll say that he started feeling breathless and he experienced a pain in his left arm, you know all the heart attack symptoms and stuff.”

“But when they do the autopsy, they’ll know that he has cancer!”

“You’re forgetting that I can control minds, Ben”, Luke said.

“Oh, of course”, Kylo said as the realisation hit him. And then he remembered another thing.

“But the hair!” Kylo spoke worriedly.

“Don’t worry, Ben”, Luke said while putting Han’s wig back on his head. “I’ll make sure that no one finds out the truth, especially not Leia. I won’t let your sacrifice be wasted.”

Kylo nodded silently and tears started rolling down his eyes again. Luke looked at his nephew sadly.

“I was wrong, son”, he said to Kylo who looked up at his uncle in surprise. Luke continued-

“When I told you that your ability is a gift, it’s not. It’s an obstacle.”

“An obstacle to what?” Kylo asked confusedly.

“Happiness. Intimacy”, Luke smiled sadly at his nephew who looked at him in bewilderment. “I think I should go now”, he added, “and I hope your life gives you all the happiness that I didn’t get. We’re not so different after all, kid. We’re both lonely men. Lonely because of our powers. We both brought our father’s deaths in different ways. We didn’t murder them, we gave them a peaceful death. But the memory will haunt us forever. You’ll learn to live with it the way I have. But I hope you find something that I never did, son. Love. I never had the chance to love because I was burdened by the responsibility of saving a world that was in ruin and helping a group of people that needed my help. I hope life gives you that chance and that your life ends differently from mine.”

Kylo was overcome with emotion on hearing his uncle’s words. He’d been too consumed with his own miseries that he had never paid attention to his uncle’s life. Luke had lost so much. He’d never even known his mother. He had given up everything to save the world from Darth Vader and had later spent his life rebuilding the world and making it a safer place for mutantkind. He wanted to express his gratitude to Luke for everything and his apologies for never thinking about the sacrifices he had made but he couldn’t find the right words.

Luke smiled at him. He understood. Of course, he did. After all he could read his thoughts. Kylo knew it was time to say goodbye. He leaned and planted a kiss on his father’s forehead. He wiped the tears that had fallen down from his face to his father’s and he hugged Han one last time.

Then Luke wrapped his arms around Han’s body and picked him up.

“You need any help?” Kylo asked but Luke refused.

“I’ll be fine. I can easily lift him and if the need arises, I’ll use my telekinetic powers. You need to rest for a while, Ben. You’ve been through a lot today.”

Kylo nodded.

“Goodbye, uncle”, he said with a heavy heart as he watched Luke carrying Han.

“I’ll see you around, kid”, said Luke as we walked out of the door and disappeared down the steps.

Kylo laid down on the couch and cried silently. The pain was too much to handle. There was only one thing to be done. He took out his phone from his pocket and dialled Hux’s number.

“What is it, Ren?” Hux asked in an annoyed tone.

“I need to drink. Come to my house and take me to some bar”, Kylo said.

“Whoa! Is everything okay? And why do you want _me_ to take you? Can’t you go yourself? And can’t you just drink at home?”

Kylo clenched his fists.

“What’s wrong with me is none of your business. And, no I can’t drink here. I want to get away from this place for a while. I want you to accompany me so that I don’t hurt anyone while I’m drunk. Now, are you coming or not?” Kylo shouted into the phone.

“I’ll be there in thirty minutes”, Hux said, his voice was full of concern.

***

When Rey reached her dorm, she hadn’t expected to see Rose there. She had expected her to be with Finn. Nevertheless, she was glad to see her friend because she couldn’t handle the pain from her encounter with Kylo some time ago. She had found a cab some distance away from Kylo’s apartment and had spent the whole ride crying. Her eyes were red and puffy and Rose was troubled to see her in such a condition.

“Rey! What happened? You look terrible”, Rose asked worriedly.

Rey closed the door and collapsed on the floor, her eyes were brimming with tears again. Rose came running towards her and hugged her.

“You can tell me about it if you want to. Or I can call Finn for you, do you want me to do that?”

Rey was shaking her head in refusal. No, she didn’t want Finn right now, he would say nothing to make her feel better because this is exactly what he was warning her about. But she couldn’t keep it all inside her and she was going to tell Rose everything.

“Rose, I-I need to tell you something”, Rey managed to say when she had calmed down a bit.

“I’m listening”, Rose replied patiently.

“You have been a great friend, Rose. But me, I haven’t been good enough. You have trusted me completely but I haven’t been able to do that in return, fearing that if I told you the truth, you wouldn’t want to be my friend. But today I’m going to tell you everything from the beginning.”

Rose didn’t say anything. She just squeezed Rey’s hand and nodded in order to encourage her.

Rey braced herself for the painful conversation. The hardest part would be telling Rose about Paige’s death. She sighed deeply and said-

“Firstly, I’m not a normal person like you, Rose. I’m a mutant.”

***

Poe and his girlfriend Kaydel were walking on the street, hand-in-hand. They hadn’t been dating for long but they loved each other’s company a lot. It had been an hour since their double-date with Rose and Finn had ended. Finn had gone for some group-study thing and Rose had left for her dorm. He had taken Kaydel for bowling after the other pair had departed and they were returning to the university now.

“Rose is really sweet! Finn is a really lucky guy”, Kaydel said.

“Rose is lucky to have Finn too”, Poe said with a laugh.

Kaydel rolled her eyes and Poe laughed again.

“Every one of us is lucky”, he said. “Especially me. I’m glad to have you by my side. Though, I can’t say if you’re lucky to have a jerk like me as your boyfriend”, he said as they were crossing the road.

Kaydel stopped in the middle of the road and looked at him with a loving smile.

“True, you _are_ a jerk. But not everyone has the honour of dating the best pilot in the galaxy”, she said.

Poe smiled and leaned forward to kiss her. Their lips had just touched when he heard the horn of a car. He looked in the direction of the noise and saw a car coming in their direction at full speed. He was paralysed with fear and couldn’t move even an inch. Just when he thought everything was over, he felt a sudden jerk. He couldn’t breathe for a few seconds and his muscles tightened. It felt like being sucked into a vacuum. Everything around him was dark. When he regained some sense again, he found himself standing in an alley with Kaydel standing right next to him. She was breathing heavily.

“What-what just happened?” Poe asked.

She looked at him with her eyes full of concern.

“Poe, there’s something I need to tell you”, she said.

“What? Well, the only thing I want to know is how I got here when just a few seconds ago I was standing-” his eyes widened as the realisation dawned on him.

“Oh”, he said in a barely audible voice.

Kaydel nodded, her eyes were full of guilt.

“Yes, I am a mutant. I can teleport”, she confessed.

***

Rey had finished telling her story and not even once had Rose flinched or regarded her with disgust. The only emotions Rey could see in her eyes were sadness and sympathy.

“Rose, I’m sorry. I really am. I wanted to tell you the truth but I was scared”, Rey apologised.

Rose hugged her and said-

“I know, I know. It’s alright, Rey. I don’t blame you for anything. I don’t even blame Kylo for what happened with my sister.”

Rey pulled away and looked at Rose in surprise.

“You don’t blame him?”

“No, I don’t”, Rose’s voice was calm.

“But-”, Rey started to speak but Rose interrupted her.

“It wasn’t his fault, Rey. It wasn’t my sister’s fault either. It was just what fate had in store for them. Moreover, my sister didn’t suffer much. She had a painless death. But Kylo? He’s been suffering for years. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that he’s been suffering since forever. God knows what he had to go through ever since he discovered his powers.”

Rey blinked. She was glad to hear what Rose just said but she couldn’t believe that she had actually said it.

“So, you don’t hate me too? And you’re not scared of the fact that I’m a mutant?” Rey asked in a small voice.

“Of course, not. Why would I hate you? I don’t even blame you for keeping the truth from me. Mutants have always been misjudged and the kind of things your kind has had to go through…I’m just glad I finally managed to gain your trust”, Rose said with a generous smile.

Rey felt hopeful but her hopes were crushed as quickly as they had elevated. She had just remembered the scene that she had witnessed a few hours ago.

“But-but what happened today”, she struggled to speak, “I can’t-I can’t believe that he could do something like that. I can’t believe that I-that I-”, she couldn’t complete her sentence. She couldn’t find the strength to say what she meant to.

“That you love him?” Rose supplied the words that had failed to come out of Rey’s mouth. Rey swallowed a sob and nodded as fresh hot tears came running down her face.

“But have you really thought this through, Rey? What must have happened, I mean. From what I’ve heard of Kylo and from what I know about you (which by the way is a lot) I can’t believe that he could have killed his father and I can definitely not believe that you could make an error of judgement and fall in love with a murderer. Also, you just told me how worried he was when he got to know about Han’s deteriorating health. Think about it again, Rey. Surely you’re missing something.”

Rose certainly had a point. Rey tried to remember every detail about that fateful encounter and suddenly something odd struck her. She could see Han’s lifeless visage in her mind but he was…bald? How could that be? Why hadn’t she noticed that before? Perhaps the shock and grief had obstructed her from noticing this important detail. What could it mean? And how had she not noticed the grief on Kylo’s face? And his voice…it was full of anguish and hurt- hurt that probably she was responsible for causing by distrusting him. She should have listened to him but now it was over. She had deeply wounded the soul of the man she loved and now nothing she did could ever heal it. She could never face him, not after what she had done. She didn’t have the strength to see the pain in those dark eyes, knowing that she was responsible for it.

“I think you’re right, Rose. I think I’ve misjudged him. But what can I do now? I’ve hurt him too deeply that I don’t have the courage to face him. I’ve damaged him beyond repair.”

“You’re being too selfish, Rey! You’re just thinking about yourself. What about him, huh? You’re scared of facing him but what about the fact that he’s slowly dying thinking that you assume that he killed his father? What about the fact that his father is dead and for whatever reason (because I’m sure there is a reason) he had to aid him in his death?”

Rey looked at Rose and realised that her friend was absolutely right. Kylo must have been going through hell. She had to go to him and ask what happened and _why_ it happened. She had to apologise for acting the way she did too.

At this point suddenly they heard their doorbell ringing.

“I’ll see who it is”, Rey said and stood up at once and started walking towards the door before Rose could protest.

When she opened the door she saw Luke Skywalker standing outside.

“Can I come in? We really need to talk”, he said.

Rey nodded and moved aside to let Luke come in. Rose looked at him in confusion.

“I’m Luke Skywalker, Leia’s brother”, said Luke while offering his hand to Rose. She took it and they shook hands.

“I think I should go. It seems like you want to talk to her in private”, said Rose understandingly.

“No”, said Luke shaking his head, “No, you can stay here. You’ve proved yourself to be a faithful friend and I respect you a lot.”

Rose and Rey looked at each other in confusion and then at Luke.

“You’re forgetting that I’m a telepath. I know what happened here before I came”, Luke addressed Rey.

“Let us all sit down. This is going to take some time to explain”, he continued.

It was certainly a day full of revelations.

***

Rey and Rose sat staring at nothing. It would take some time for the shock to wear off.

“What-what about-”, Rey struggled to speak.

“Han’s body?” Luke had obviously read her mind. “I’m just coming back from the hospital. He’s been declared dead. Heart-attack, they say. Well, it’s actually what I made them say using my mind tricks. I was here to fetch Leia but I thought it was equally important to tell you the truth too. Leia, Chewbacca and I have each other to turn to in our grief. Ben has no one. He had just you and now you’re gone too and his grief has multiplied. Please go to him, Rey. He needs you now more than ever.”

Rey nodded. Luke was right. This was one of the two most devastating events of Kylo’s life. She couldn’t be with him when Paige died or she wouldn’t have let Ben Solo turn into Kylo Ren. Staying away from him now would be the same as pushing him further into the darkness.

“I know you love him”, Luke said and Rey looked at him in surprise. “Of course, I know. You shouldn’t look so surprised. Don’t you know what my powers are? And anyway, even without my powers I would have been able to tell that. Your eyes say it. But I haven’t told him because I want him to hear it from you. So don’t waste time and go now!”

“Yes, yes, you’re right”, Rey said as she got up. “I must go before it’s too late. I must go, I must go”, she kept repeating the words like a mantra as she grabbed her phone, her wallet and a small sling bag. She gave Rose and Luke a hug and thanked them for their guidance and then she took off without wasting any more time.

“Does he love her too?” Rose asked Luke.

Luke turned towards her and gave her a small smile. That was all he could manage while holding an enormous burden of grief.

“Yes, he surely does”, he said, “But I don’t want to ruin it for either of them. I want them to confess their love for each other face-to-face. It would be better that way.”

“Yes, you’re right.”

“You’re a wonderful person, Rose. I’m sorry about your sister. I hope she’s happy up there.”

“Thanks. I’m sorry about your losses too. Especially about Han.”

“Thank you, kid. I must go now. I don’t want to keep the truth from my sister much longer. And I don’t want Han’s body to keep lying all alone in the mortuary.”

And with those words Luke left to meet his sister to tell her about the calamity that had befallen them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extremely late update. 90% of this chapter was done almost 2 weeks ago but then we had guests for a week and then I got my exam result which was pretty fucked up and I spent three days crying. So I couldn't write.   
> I'm stuck in a very bad situation. I'm taking 2 extra classes apart from my college classes and for one of them I have to travel really far and my schedule has become pretty fucked up. I had a wonderful idea for a new reylo fic but it seems impossible for me to put my plans into action. I am definitely not going to leave this fic incomplete but it will take me a lot of time to finish the remaining chapters. There isn't much left though. 
> 
> I hope this chapter was worth the wait. I would have titled this chapter revelations but since I haven't given any of the other chapter any titles I didn't do it. I struggle with titles a lot.
> 
> Also the part where Luke says that thing about him being wrong and that Kylo's powers were an obstruction to happiness and intimacy, that whole thing is a direct line from this X-Men show called Legion. I just thought it was really deep and very relatable with my fic.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos. Thanks :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so late. This is a short chapter because it's sort of a filler and the next one will be up by Thursday. Hope you enjoy it :)

Rey was on her way to Kylo’s apartment when she got a call from his number. She quickly answered the call, her hands were shaking but there was also a bit of relief in her eyes.

“Ben!” She spoke in an urgent voice. The voice that answered her back wasn’t Kylo’s. It belonged to someone she didn’t know.

“Ughhh…It’s not Ren. It’s me, Hux, Artimage Hux. I’m his friend”, Hux answered.

The slight relief that Rey had felt on seeing Kylo’s call vanished and now she was concerned.

“Where’s Ben? Is he okay? Why are _you_ calling _me_? She shouted into the phone.

“Woah woah calm down. He’s with me although I’m not sure he’s okay or not”, Hux answered and Rey gasped to which Hux quickly replied, “No, he’s not hurt. He’s just…acting weird. Well, something is wrong, very wrong indeed. He called me and asked me to come and take him to a bar. He said he wanted to get away from his apartment. I was really worried because, you know, he _never_ drinks. And now we’ve been here some time and he’s drunk as hell and he keeps muttering some unintelligible stuff and the only thing I could make out of all the stuff he keeps saying was your name. So…I called you. Did-did something happen between you guys?”

Rey let out a deep breath.

_Thank God, he’s not hurt. Just drunk…and Hux is with him. I can handle that much. I can still help him out._

“Hux, I’m really grateful to you for calling me”, she answered the man on the other line. “Yes, something is wrong and something happened between us too but now is not the time to narrate the whole story to you. Just tell me where you guys are and I’ll be there ASAP.”

“Alright, I’m texting you our location.”

Hux ended the call and looked over his shoulder at Kylo who looked lost and sorrowful. He felt relieved that Rey would be there soon and help his friend out. He may be a cold-hearted asshole, but Hux still had a lot of sympathy for Kylo. The guy had been through enough and he felt that after all these years of suffering he finally deserved to have at least some peace. Hux texted their whereabouts to Rey and went back and sat next to his friend, waiting for the young girl to come.

***

Leia heard a knock on her office door and sighed.

_No one wants to leave me in peace and let me rest for a while_ , she thought to herself.

She opened the door and saw her brother standing there, his eyes full of sorrow.

Suddenly all the emotions she had been feeling faded away and gave way to a chilling numbness.

Han. Han had gone too meet Luke. Luke was back alone, Han was nowhere in sight. Moreover, Luke’s eyes reflected immense pain and worry. Something was not okay.

“Leia…” Luke tried to speak. Telling her the truth was harder than he had imagined. He didn’t have the courage to do this but he knew he had to.

“Where’s Han?” She asked.

He didn’t answer right away and walked into his sister’s office and shut the door behind him. He firmly held her hand and dragged her too her chair and made her sit. Then he crouched next to her and squeezed her hands.

“Something has happened”, he swallowed a lump in his throat. “Han…he had a heart attack. We couldn’t save him.”

Leia let out a scream that Luke didn’t think was humanly possible. Anyone hearing it would have been able to feel the pain and heartbreak Leia felt. Luke held her against his chest and patted her on her back. She started feeling dizzy and passed out in her brother’s arms.

***

“Wow. I can’t-I just-Gosh! I feel so guilty, Rose!” Finn cried out.

Rose patted him on the back.

“And that’s why they say ‘Never Judge a Book by its Cover’”, she said.

“Hey! Don’t make me feel worse about this whole situation by saying that.”

Rose sighed. “That wasn’t my intention. But you do realize that you need to apologize to both Rey and Kylo, right?”

“Yeah, right”, Finn nodded.

After Luke left, Rose had asked Finn to leave everything and come over right away, which he obviously did. She had told him everything that Rey and Luke had told her and Finn was shocked and full of guilt for acting the way he did.

“I was so wrong. I was acting like a fucking racist! Because that’s what they do, right? They treat people who are different from them like shit. I was so wrong, so wrong”, Finn kept repeating.

Rose squeezed his hand and said, “We can’t change what happened but we can always improve ourselves so that we don’t repeat the same mistakes. The most important thing is accepting your flaws and making amends.”

Finn looked at Rose and smiled. She was too good to be true. How, after going through so much, did she have so much kindness inside her? He was thankful to have her by his side.

“You bring out the best in me, Rose Tico”, he said and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

At the very next moment they heard the doorbell ring and Finn looked at Rose in confusion but Rose looked unfazed.

“It must be Poe. I’ll get the door”, she said standing up.

“Poe? Why would Poe be here?” Finn looked even more confused now.

“Because I called him”, said Rose, “it’s time to tell him everything.”

Finn wasn’t so sure that this was the right thing to do but he didn’t say anything because he believed in Rose and respected her decisions.

When Rose opened the door she saw that Poe looked really pale. She exchanged a worried glance with Finn. Poe entered and shut the door behind him.

“What’s wrong?” Finn asked.

Poe sat down on the couch and started shaking his head.

“You won’t believe what just happened”, he said.

“We’ll decide what to believe and what not to once you tell us what happened”, Rose said.

“Okay, but first promise me that whatever I say will stay between us and Rey”, Poe said in an urgent voice.

Finn rolled his eyes.

“Seriously? We’re really doing this?”

“Just promise!”

“Okay, I promise”, Finn spoke in a frustrated tone. Rose nodded in agreement too.

Poe sighed deeply and finally shared his latest discovery-

“My girlfriend, well now my ex-girlfriend-”

“You guys broke up?” Rose asked.

“Just listen to me, okay?” Poe said impatiently. “Well, I just found out she is mutant.”

Finn and Rose exchanged worried looks. This discussion was not going the way they thought it would, or at least the way Rose thought it would. The fact that Poe broke up with Kaydel on discovering that she was a mutant wasn’t a good sign.

“You broke up with her _because_ she’s a mutant?” Rose asked timidly.

Poe looked at her in disbelief.

“You’re really asking me why we broke up instead of being shocked? Aren’t you guys even slightly surprised by what I told you?”

“Poe, my friend, Kaydel being a mutant is the least of our worries right now”, Finn answered.

Poe blinked and looked at Rose and said-

“Well, to answer your question, we decided to break up mutually. It didn’t feel the same as before and we couldn’t keep going on like nothing happened. I’m not a prejudiced asshole”, he said and when Finn rolled his eyes he added, “Well, I used to be, but not anymore. When I didn’t know about Kaydel’s powers, I adored her and I still do. Knowing someone as a person and discovering about her powers later has helped me understand how wrong I was in judging mutants. I know it was the same with Rey but she was our best friend and we’d known her for years. She became a sort of exception. But now I realize my mistake. So, Kaydel and I have decided to take a break.”

It was only when Poe finished speaking that he realized that Rose didn’t know about Rey’s mutant status and he looked at her with a horrified expression but she just smiled.

“I know what you’re thinking. Don’t worry, Rey told me everything today and even more than what you know”, she said and Finn nodded.

“There’s a lot we need to tell you, Poe”, Finn added, “So, prepare yourself for an even bigger shock.”

Poe had taken the revelation about his girlfriend’s mutant powers quite well but Finn wasn’t sure that accepting that his role model Leia was a mutant too would be that easy for Poe.

***

Rey reached the location Hux had texted in twenty minutes. She was desperate now. She ran into the bar and quickly spotted Kylo sitting next to a ginger head.

_That must be Hux,_ she thought.

She ran over to the two guys and softly whispered, “Ben.”

Kylo turned around and looked at Rey in surprise. Hux sighed in relief.

“Rey? What-what are you doing here?” Kylo asked. His voice was full of pain.

“I’m here to apologize and take you home”, she said firmly.

Kylo’s eyes widened. “Apologize? What for? You-you know the truth? You don’t think it was my fault?”

“Yes, I know the truth. And no, it wasn’t your fault. You’ve been so brave, Ben. I’m sorry for everything. I can’t forgive myself for blaming you for what happened”, Rey told him with tears in her eyes.

“It’s-it’s fine”, Kylo stood up and started walking. “You should go now. It’s getting late.”

Rey started walking behind him and Hux followed her too.

“I’m not going anywhere”, she said, “I’m taking you home.”

“Hux can take me home. You need to go.”

“But I can’t leave you alone in your condition. I can’t and I won’t!”

Kylo swayed as he walked. He accidentally tripped towards a table on his way and while he was looking for some support, just for a second, a part of his skin came in contact with the arm of tall blonde woman sitting there and she flinched. Hux froze. Kylo apologized and quickly looked down at his hand. A bit of his glove and moved forward and exposed an inch of his skin. The woman nodded at his apology but kept looking at him suspiciously.

Kylo kept walking and they were standing outside the bar now where there was no music to muffle their voices. The people standing out there turned to look in their direction.

“Are you mad at me?” Rey asked in a childlike voice. “Have you not forgiven me for not trusting you?”

Kylo shook his head.

“I can never be mad at you, Rey. Never. And there’s nothing to forgive. I don’t blame you for anything. Anyone would have reacted the way you did.”

“But I’m not _anyone_ , am I? I’m you best friend. I should have done better.”

Kylo looked at her with pain and regret for what seemed like an eternity.

 “You should go”, he said at last.

He started crossing the road to get to the parking where Hux had parked his car. But Rey pulled his arm and tried to stop him midway. He jerked her away and Rey looked at him with hurtful eyes and Kylo immediately regretted it.

Everyone was staring at them. Everyone. Even the tall blonde woman had come out of the bar and was staring suspiciously at Kylo and Rey. Hux was really worried.

“I won’t go until you tell me why you are asking me to leave. I deserve to know that much”, Rey said.

Kylo let out a frustrated sound.

“Isn’t it obvious? Don’t you see?”

“What are you even talking about? What’s obvious?”

“Everyone who cares about me or tries to get closer to me gets hurt.”

“Ben, that’s not true. You’re blaming yourself for nothing.”

“Really? What about my Mom? And Paige? And now my Dad? I can’t let the same thing happen to you, Rey. I can’t let you get hurt because of me.”

Rey was touched but also full of guilt and pain.

“You’re hurting me now, Ben. You’re hurting me now by not letting me get close to you, by not letting me help you. I can’t stand that, I can’t stand being away from you. Please, let me help you.”

_Please let me love you,_ she thought to herself.

Kylo’s eyes softened and he opened his mouth to say something but before he could utter a word, Rey saw his eyes fill with fear as he saw something behind her. She turned around and saw a car coming towards her at full speed. Before she could react, Kylo pushed her away and she heard everyone scream. And then, everything was a blur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back after a month and 3 days with a short chapter with just 2k words so I hope you don't feel like killing me although tbh it would be pretty justified if you would want to XD  
> I know what it feels like to wait for a fic to be updated and a month long wait is too much and I'm really sorry but first I had relatives for a week, and then I had my French exam and then I had relatives over for two consecutive weekends, and I had an argument with some of my friends and I was in a really bad mood and then there was a festival so I couldn't find any time. Plus college has started and I'm barely alive because I'm taking loads of extra classes. 
> 
> So I'm really sorry for being so late and I'm even more sorry that this is the shortest chapter I've written but be assured that I'll post the next update by Thursday to make up for my long absence. And it will be the best chapter ever andddd it will be at least 4k words long.
> 
> THANKS A LOT FOR BEARING WITH ME AND READING THE CRAP I WRITE. ILY GUYS A LOT <3
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter everyone has been waiting for (including me XD)

When Rey came to her senses everything around her was a commotion. People were screaming and shouting. She could hear Hux’s voice a little away from her but she couldn’t make out what he was saying. And then it all came back to her. The car, Kylo pushing her away and the screams. She could hear lots of voices speaking all at once but the voice she craved to hear the most could not be heard. She got up quickly and scanned her surroundings. Her legs swayed and she felt giddy. She touched her forehead and felt a small graze on the left side which was slowly healing even as she was touching it. A number of people were huddled around something and talking in loud voices. Hux was standing right in the middle of the group and asking people to move away.

Rey pushed her way into the circle and saw Kylo lying unconscious of the road. His head was bleeding badly and looking at his posture Rey deduced that he had probably fractured his right leg too.

“Ben!” She screamed the name of the young man lying in front of her. She looked around and screamed at everyone to get away.

“Move! I’m a doctor, let me see him.”

On hearing this, everyone obliged and started getting back to their original positions.

Rey looked at Hux whose pale skin had grown even paler.

“Get your car right now”, she said.

Hux nodded and left for the parking lot. Rey couldn’t check his pulse because that would mean she had to touch him. She leaned over his chest to check if his heart was still beating. Yes, it was. She could hear his heart beating slowly and steadily. She let out a sigh of relief and tears started running down her eyes. She wanted to forget everything and get lost in the rhythm of his heartbeat but first she had to save him.

Hux got the car from the parking lot and parked it right next to Rey and Kylo. He came out quickly and asked, “What now?”

Rey looked at him disbelievingly.

“What now?” She repeated his question. “Well, now we need to put him into the car, obviously.”

Hux did not move.

“He’s losing blood, Hux! What the hell are you waiting for? For him to die?” She hissed at him and Hux flinched.

“I just-how-how are we going to put him into the car without touching him. I mean there’s a good chance that we could come in contact with his skin.”

Rey got up and looked Hux straight in the eyes with anger. She knew she shouldn’t be angry with him. After all, why would he care for someone else’s life more than his own?

“Hold him by the legs and I’ll hold him by the arms. That way you would be at a lesser risk of touching him than me. Also, I know your powers…so create a layer of ice between your skin and him, just in case.”

Hux nodded and opened the back door of his car. He then lifted Kylo’s legs just as Rey lifted his upper torso by his arms. Kylo’s head fell on Rey’s chest and only his hair came in contact with her skin. They carried him into the car and then Rey sat beside Kylo and Hux sat in front and started driving.

“So…where to?” He asked.

 _Good question,_ Rey thought. They couldn’t take Kylo to the hospital. The doctors wouldn’t be able to help him without touching him and by touching him they would only hurt themselves.

“For now…just drive to his apartment”. She said and Hux nodded.

Rey thought of all the possible options she had, which was only one really. The only way to help him was by using her powers.

_It’s going to be okay. Even if I get hurt by touching him, I’ll probably heal before things get bad. If I don’t do anything right now, he’ll just bleed to death._

She moved her hand to his forehead and stopped just before their skins came in contact. She was scared. And then something Kylo had said right before the accident came back to her.

 _I can’t let you get hurt because of me,_ he had said. It was very strange that just the opposite had happened. Instead of hurting her, he had saved her life. Just the way her love for him had saved her soul. She didn’t wait for even a second longer and shut her eyes tightly and touched his forehead.

***

“Are you okay, Poe?” Finn asked his friend.

Rose had finished telling him everything a few minutes ago but he just sat motionless without making a sound and now Finn was worried.

“So much happened and you guys didn’t care to tell me even one percent of it”, Poe finally said. But his voice wasn’t angry, it was calm.

“Hey! I knew even less than you, Poe and I found out everything just today so quit complaining”, Rose said indignantly.

“And well, I didn’t know the entire thing myself. Moreover, just like you said yourself, you _used to be_ a prejudiced asshole”, Finn said.

Poe sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

“Yeah, you’re right. And trust me, I’m completely pro-mutant now. I mean, Leia is a mutant after all. If I could, I would turn into a mutant myself just to support her.”

Poe shrugged and Rose and Finn looked at him in disbelief.

“Wow, that’s a great progress”, Rose said in a surprised tone.

“You really admire her a lot”, Finn said. “She needs the support of people like you now more than ever, Poe. She just lost her husband. I can’t believe what she must be going through.”

Poe nodded.

Whenever and wherever Leia needed support, she could always count on Poe.

***

Rey had braced herself for something, what exactly she wasn’t sure of. But it was surely not what she was currently experiencing. Yes, she did feel a lot of pain but that was just part of the pain that Kylo was experiencing. It was part of the healing process. Touching Kylo’s skin had no effect on her. She was shocked but soon the shock gave way to immense joy. He could heal him without hurting herself, yes. But most importantly, she could touch him whenever she wanted. She could show him love the way other people do. He would no longer have to remain touch starved.

Things would be better, but they were not so at the moment. Kylo’s wounds were healing but very slowly. He was still unconscious and undoubtedly in unbearable pain. Rey was experiencing only a fraction of his pain and yet it was too much for her. Tears kept dripping down from her face onto Kylo’s.

Hux looked back and did a double-take.

“What the hell? How is this possible? How are you able to touch him without hurting yourself?”

“I think my powers neutrslize the effect of his powers. They probably heal me at a faster rate than the rate at which his powers cause damage”, Rey said softly.

“Oh, so Ren will be fine. Thank God”, Hux sighed.

“Yeah, he’ll be fine”, Rey answered back and as an afterthought she added, “Why do you call him Ren?”

“Because his name is Kylo Ren.”

“Why not Kylo? Everyone calls him Kylo.”

“Everyone? How many people have you met who know him?”

“Will you just answer my question?”

“Okay, okay. See, I’ve known him for a very long time. I knew him before he was Kylo Ren, when he was just Ben Solo. So…when he changed his name, it was a bit weird for me to start calling him by his new name. And he threatened me that if I didn’t start calling him by his new name, things would not end well for me. I’m sure he was just joking. He acts like he’s a dark and mysterious guy but in reality he’s a softie.”

“Yeah, I know”, Rey softly smiled.

“So, I started calling him Ren instead of Kylo because Ren has a touch of his old name to it. It was much more comfortable for me to call him Ren than Kylo.”

“You’re a good friend, Hux”, Rey smiled at him.

“So are you”, he smiled back and added, “He really cares for you, you know.”

Rey just nodded and didn’t say anything back.

Just then Kylo’s eyelids opened slightly. He wasn’t fully healed but his condition was definitely much better. Rey was sure that he was still in a lot of pain because the pain she was experiencing hadn’t decreased much.

“Rey?” Kylo managed to speak in just a whisper.

“Hey, I’m here. You’re going to be okay”, she said stroking his cheek with one hand. Kylo looked at her other hand which was pressed against his forehead, trying to heal him. He looked back at Rey.

“It’s okay. I’m fine and you will be too”, she said soothingly.

“Is it killing you like it’s killing me?” He asked her but before she could answer him, he closed his eyes and got lost in oblivion once again.

_Is it killing you like it’s killing me?_

She wasn’t sure if he meant the physical pain they were both feeling or the excruciating heartache both of them were going through. But to answer his question, yes, whether it was the physical pain or the emotional one, they were both killing her equally.

***

Leia stood silently against the wall as tears rolled down her eyes. She had seen her husband’s lifeless body and cried over it for what seemed like an eternity but what she was experiencing now was a strange numbness.

She had experienced too many losses. She had never known her mother. Her adoptive parents and her whole neighbourhood had been murdered by her father because they had dared to stand against him. Just when her father had given up the path of darkness she had lost him too. Years later, she lost her only son. And now, her husband. Life had been really hard on her. It wasn’t fair.

“Yes, life hasn’t been fair to you”, Luke said.

Leia turned to see her brother standing near her.

“You’ve had a pretty hard life and you have every reason to complain. But remember, never stop living because even if your life is full of suffering, you still have the chance of making someone else’s life better”, he added.

“I thought you were going to say some crap about how there are so many people who have it worse than me and that I should stop pitying myself because my sorrows are nothing compared to theirs”, Leia spoke in a barely audible voice. She had lost all her strength.

“Just because the world is full of pain and sadness doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to happiness. Just because someone else’s problems are bigger than yours doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to worry about your problems.”

Leia just nodded.

“I know what you’re thinking, Leia. I always know what everyone is thinking. It’s a curse. But I’m just going to say that, no matter what, you will always have me. You will always have Chewbacca too. And there are so many people whose lives you have touched, whom you’ve helped throughout the years and who will always stand by you. As for Ben, I’m sure he’ll come back one day. And Han, our parents, your adoptive parents and everyone else we’ve lost…just remember that no one’s ever really gone. They are always with us, inside our hearts and silently watching over us.”

She hugged her brother and let the floodgates open again. Crying would help lighten her heavy heart.

Her brother’s words filled her with strength once again, though. Nothing could fill the gaping hole left by Han’s demise but she would continue living, in the hope of improving more lives, in the hope of seeing her son again. She would keep on living and Han will always be with her. He would be with her in spirit, he would keep on living inside her heart, and he would keep on living in their son. Luke was right, no one’s ever really gone.

***

Hux helped Rey to get Kylo inside his apartment. The two laid his unconscious body on the bed and walked into the living room.

“He’s really been through hell today. I used to think that nothing could be worse than what happened with him seven years ago but I was so wrong. This probably may not be worse than that incident but it’s at least as bad as that”, Hux said. Rey had told him everything on the way to Kylo’s apartment.

“Yeah, you’re right. It was one of his worst days ever”, Rey nodded in agreement.

“I’m going to leave now”, Hux said. “You’re staying, right?”

“Yeah, I’m not leaving him alone in this condition.”

“Good. Take care of him.”

“I will.”

“I know you will. Just saying.”

Hux gave her a warm smile which she returned. Then he left the apartment and Rey locked the door. Then she collapsed on the couch.

 _I should inform Rose that I’m staying here for the night. She must be really worried,_ Rey thought and she pulled out her cell phone from her pocket and called Rose. She explained everything that happened to her and her friend sounded surprised but relieved. Rose was really happy to know that Rey was able to touch Kylo without hurting herself, it was a major breakthrough for both Rey and Kylo. Rey told her that she wouldn’t be back until morning and Rose agreed that it was the right thing to do. Kylo needed her and she shouldn’t leave his side. Rey thanked Rose and ended the call.

She went back to Kylo’s bedroom and sat next to him. She brushed his hair away from his forehead and planted a soft kiss there. He was completely healed, the wounds, the fracture, everything. The kiss didn’t hurt even a bit. She smiled to herself and got up. She went to Kylo’s study and and saw that his desk was a mess. She started arranging his papers when suddenly a small leather-bound diary fell on the floor. She picked it up and opened the first page. There was a big heading on that page. ‘My Poems’ it said in calligraphy.

 _So he writes poems and does calligraphy too. What a nerd,_ Rey smiled to herself.

She randomly opened a page and started reading.

 

_There’s darkness in my heart_

_But there’s also light within_

_Just a glimmer of it yet strong enough_

_To make me contemplate my sins_

_Yes, I have sinned_

_I know it deep inside my heart_

_The regret gnaws at me_

_And it’s tearing my soul apart_

_For as long as I could_

_I kept the light inside me aflame_

_Betrayals and heartaches seeped in the darkness_

_So am I the one to blame?_

_They fear what I’ve become_

_They fear what I can do_

_But they have no idea_

_That I’m afraid of my darkness too_

_Yes, my deeds scare me_

_Yes, I’m not fully engulfed by the dark side_

_Because a little part of me is still trying_

_To fight the demons buried deep inside_

_But I’ve let them overpower me_

_To take control of me for years_

_They’ve spread their roots all around_

_Feeding off my isolation, pain and fears_

_Yet the light keeps fighting_

_Still flickering, come what may_

_But I know there’s no going back_

_It’s been too long since I walked away_

 

Rey closed the diary. This was personal. There were tears in her eyes. He had been through so much. She wouldn’t let him suffer anymore. She would always be with him. She would love him, look after him and help him fight his demons. She went to Kylo’s room to check on him once again. He was up now.

“Rey? What are you doing here?” He asked when he spotted her.

“Hey! How are you feeling? Does it still hurt?” She inquired.

“Well there’s no pain in my body but…”

“But your heart still hurts?”

“Yes, a lot.”

“Mine does too. The pain never leaves you. You just have to learn to live with it.”

“You’re talking like my Uncle, you know.”

Rey smiled.

“Am I?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Well, then I should be proud that you’re comparing me to Luke. He’s a great man. He’s a legend.”

Kylo finally smiled. It warmed Rey’s heart to see him smile.

“So…what happened? I don’t remember much, everything is a blur”, he said.

“Well, you saved me from getting killed by a car and severely injured yourself in doing so. By the way, I should mention that it was really stupid because I would have healed anyway.”

Kylo looked hurt and Rey immediately regretted saying it even though she had said it as a joke.

“Hey, I’m really sorry”, she said. “I really appreciate what you did. I really do. I was just joking. Besides, who knows what could have happened? What if I had gotten injured so badly that the healing process couldn’t work fast enough and-”

“Don’t finish that sentence!” Kylo interrupted her.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. The point is, you saved my life by risking yours and I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything. You have saved my soul. The least I could do was try to save your life.”

Rey was touched by his words.

“By the way, I remember that much of the story, obviously. What happened next is what I want to know”, Kylo added.

“Oh right. Well you were bleeding badly and Hux and I were really scared. We put you in his car and started thinking of what to do. The only possible way of helping you was me using my powers to heal you so I did. And…your powers didn’t hurt me.”

Kylo blinked at her in surprise.

“Really?” He asked.

“Yes! Let me show you”, Rey spoke excitedly and moved her hand to touch Kylo’s face but he backed away and she understood that he was still scared about hurting her.

She sighed deeply.

“You could never hurt me, Ben. All you’ve ever done is save me. I have so many friends, a few very close ones too and despite everything I’ve always felt so alone. I’ve always felt like no one understood me because none of them was like me, they didn’t have to go through what I had to go through. And then I met you and I felt like I found a missing part. Before I met you, I was all alone even when I was surrounded by so many people. I have always be so lonely.”

“You’re not alone”, Kylo said.

“Neither are you”, Rey replied.

Rey moved her hand forward and Kylo removed the gloves he was still wearing and moved his hand forward too to touch Rey’s fingertips. Their fingers touched and there was no pain. There was only a feeling of completeness. They clasped each other’s hands and Kylo pulled Rey towards him. His skin felt like paper against her rough palms. He had obviously never had to do much work as a child born into a rich household. And then when he discovered his powers, he kept his hands gloved all the time. His hands hadn’t been roughened by work and weather but hers had. She had laboured hard, especially back when she was at the orphanage. She lovingly brushed his cheek with her spare hand and said-

“Ben Solo, I love you. I have been in love with you for a very long time now and I can’t imagine my life without you.”

She could see his pupils dilating and she knew her own pupils must be looking the same too.

“Rey”, Kylo said, “I love with all my heart and soul. I’ve been in love with you for a long time too. You give meaning to my life. I was just surviving before you came, I started living after meeting you.”

Rey smiled and leaned forward to kiss him. Her first kiss! Her lips brushed against his and she lost all sense of control. It was intoxicating. She opened her mouth and their tongues met and everything around her became a blur. Their tongues moved in synchronisation, as if they were performing a dance they had practiced a million times before. Without pausing the kiss she got up and sat on his lap, straddling him. He put one hand on her cheek while the other moved along the length of her bare arm, leaving goosebumps wherever his skin met hers. She fiercely gripped his hair with one hand and ran the other one over his back, his chest and his arms, feeling his strong muscles. They were both amateurs, they had no experience in this sort of thing. But everything they did seemed right, as if for all their life they had been waiting for this moment to come and now nothing could go wrong. She wanted to explore every inch of him and taste every bit of him, and so did he. Kylo let go of her mouth and started planting soft open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and her neck and she clutched his hair tighter and deeply sighed.

He laid her down and still kissing her collar bone, he unbuttoned her shirt and she took it off and threw it on the floor. He started kissing the skin just above her bra and the small dip between her breasts while tracing circles with his fingers around her bellybutton. She pushed up his t-shirt and started running her hands across his chest. He took it off and threw it on the floor where her shirt was lying. Then he bent down and started kissing every inch of her stomach while her hands explored his bare back. She took of her jeans and so did he. They were not going to have sex, both of them knew that. They just wanted to be as physically close as possible. They wanted the sensation of touching every different part of the other person’s body to be etched in their memory. He kissed her legs, every part of them and then she pushed him back and did the same with him, starting with his face. She planted kisses all over his body and when she was done, she kissed him softly and passionately on the lips and they hugged each other tight.

“I can’t believe this actually happened”, Kylo spoke in a surprised voice.

“Me neither.”

“You really love me?”

“Yes, Ben I really do. I wouldn’t be lying next to you half naked if I didn’t.”

He smiled softly.

“I think I’m going to start referring to myself as Ben Solo again. You’ve saved that part of me. Kylo Ren no longer exists now.”

Rey’s happiness knew no bounds.

“Really?” She asked disbelievingly.

“Yes. And I also think that I should get back to my mother. She really needs me right now. It couldn’t have been possible without you, Rey. You’ve saved me from my darkness, given me hope. As long as you are with me, nothing can ever go wrong.”

She kissed him deeply.

“I love you”, she said.

“I love you too.”

And then they fell asleep in each other’s arms, clutching each other tightly with the intention of never letting go.

***

Rey woke up with a sweet smile on her face. She looked at Ben and realised he was still sleeping, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She needed to get back to the University as early as possible because she wanted to check on Leia so even though she wanted to lie next to him forever, she kissed him awake. He looked at her and smiled lovingly.

“I can’t remember when the last time I slept so peacefully was. No nightmares”, he said.

“Yeah, I didn’t have any nightmares too.”

He kissed her once before getting up.

They got dressed, used the bathroom and were about to go to the kitchen to make coffee when suddenly they heard a noise outside. Rey looked at Ben in surprise. He opened the bedroom door and they went outside together and before they had a chance to react, something like a dart hit both of them. They started losing consciousness but not before they noticed at least a dozen masked man with different weapons standing around them and also a tall bald man in a white coat standing next to the tall blonde woman they had seen at the bar the previous day.

“Are you sure it’s them, Phasma?” Rey and Ben heard the bald man ask the woman.

“Yes Dr Snoke, it’s them. They are definitely mutants”, the woman replied.

“Then let’s get ready to run some fun experiments”, the bald man sneered.

That was the last thing either of them heard and then both Rey and Ben fell on the floor and darkness engulfed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone! I've fulfilled my promise and I'm really happy about it :) This chapter is probably the longest I've written and it's almost 4.2k words.   
> I have been waiting to write this chapter ever since I started writing this fic! And I kinda like how it turned out.   
> Also featuring: A crappy poem I wrote a while ago when I was getting some Ben Solo feels.
> 
> See idk much about physical stuff coz I'm a 20 yr old who's never even been on a date so forgive me if what I wrote was stupid. That bit is the only thing I'm not sure of in this chapter.
> 
> I'm 90% sure that there'll be only 2 more chapters in this fic but it'll take some time to write them.
> 
> P.S. I forgot to mention this in the end notes of the previous chapter but everyone do yourselves a favour and watch To All the Boys I've Loved Before. I must have seen that movie 4 times already i love it so much. And then I found out that it's based on a book by the same name anddd it's a trilogy and rn I've finished one-third of the second book too. Can I just have a guy like Peter Kavinsky in my life?
> 
> Please leave comments and kuudos!!!! lots of love xoxo


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for updating after 2.5 months :(  
> Hope y'all enjoy reading it.

When Rey and Ben regained consciousness, they found themselves tied to a gurney. They were in some sort of lab and there were a lot of different wires connected to their body. Rey struggled against her restraints.

“It’s of no use. You can’t escape from here”, said a familiar voice.

Rey turned around and saw a creepy bald man in a white coat cruelly smiling at her.

“Who the hell are you people? What are you doing to us?” Ben screamed at the man.

“I’m Dr Snoke and I’m a scientist. I specialise in mutant research”, the bald man replied.

“Dr Snoke, the reports are here”, said the blonde woman from before.

“Thank you, Phasma. Ahhh…fascinating”, Snoke was smiling again.

 _This is going to be a lot more fun than I thought_ , Snoke mused.

***

“Okay, what the hell is all this about?” Poe asked as soon as he entered the room and saw Rose, Finn, Leia, Luke and a pale ginger-head sitting inside.

“I’m Luke Skywalker and it was me-”, Luke tried to say but Poe interrupted him.

“Yes, I know who you are but why did you have to speak into my mind to ask me to come here? Couldn’t you have just called? I could have had a heart attack.”

“I didn’t have your number and this seemed a more efficient way of contacting you. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again”, Luke apologised.

Poe turned to Leia and gave her a hug.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Leia. You can always count on me if you ever need anything”, he said.

Leia thanked him and broke free from the hug.

“I do need your help right now. Desperately. That’s why we’re all gathered here”, she said.

“Rey and Ben have been captured by a mad scientist named Snoke. He hates mutants and conducts terrible experiments on them. We have to save them before it’s too late”, Luke explained.

“How do you know that?” Poe inquired.

“I went to check on Ben because I knew he was really upset because of his father’s demise”, Luke said giving him a look which clearly meant that Leia didn’t know the entire truth and that he’d better not say something stupid. “When I got there, I saw that the door was open, the lock was broken and no one was inside. On further inspection I saw both Rey and Ben’s phones inside the bedroom. I rushed here, to my school, to use a device my good friend and the brilliant scientist Dr Ackbar had once built for me, the Cerebro. It enhances my telepathic powers. I used it to look for Rey and Ben and was able to find the place where they are being held captive. But there’s a lot of security there and I can’t go there alone. That’s why I need the help of all of you. And I’m sure you won’t say no”, he concluded.

“Moreover, Rey and Ben aren’t the only mutants he has captured. There are a lot of mutants he has caged there, some of them are kids. We need to save them too”, Leia added.

“Woah-woah! Hold on…so…if you had this ‘Cerebro’ thing all along, didn’t you use it to look for Ben in all these years? And how come you didn’t locate this illegal scientific facility before?” Poe was curious.

“No, I didn’t use it to locate my nephew because I knew that he wanted to be alone and it was acts such as these…trying to get inside his head, you know, that drove him away from us in the first place. I knew he’d be safe. If I had used Cerebro to track him down, he would only have drifted further away, I was sure he wouldn’t return. As for this lab, I don’t actively look for facilities where illegal mutant experimentation is taking place but I think from now on I should. No time to waste now, though. There are lives we need to save. You’re up for this?”

Poe nodded. For all his life he had misunderstood mutants and now he was seeing everything in a new light. He had thought of the mutankind as hunters when in reality they were the hunted. Of course, there were a few cases of mutants who were dangerous and committed atrocities on humans but the majority were all good. Not everyone in every society can be a good person after all. There are bad guys everywhere. Weren’t there thieves, murderers and rapists in the humankind too? Poe had finally understood this. He looked at Luke and asked-

“So, what’s the plan?”

***

Rey screamed as the knife cut deep into her skin. Her powers were healing her but that didn’t lessen the pain she felt.

“Stop hurting her! Please! Hurt me instead!” Ben was shouting helplessly.

“Oh, but we will hurt you too. In fact, we’ll do it right away”, Snoke laughed and signalled one of his assistants who moved towards Ben and cut a large piece of his skin while Ben writhed in pain.

“Now inject him with the solution we’ve created from her genome and see if it works”, he said and his assistant followed his instruction.

Ben slowly started to heal and the pain lessened. Snoke and his band of scientists had been running experiments on him and Rey for at least 3-4 hours now and he couldn’t take it anymore. They had started by taking a few tests and their cell samples. Then some of the group had disappeared to work on some solutions and stuff and he rest had stayed to run some experiments on the two captives. They had started by using their powers on animals, then had brought some chained-up kids who were severely injured. Ben had struggled with all his might to stop himself from hurting those kids but in vain. He had almost killed one of them. In the last 45 minutes or so these experiments had become focused mostly on them. He didn’t mind that for himself. He’d rather have them hurt him than making him hurt innocent animals and kids. But Rey…what they were doing to Rey was killing him.

“So the solution works. We need her for some time longer. Long enough for us to learn to replicate her genome. Then we can run higher level experiments on her. We can’t risk her life until then”, Snoke addressed the rest while looking at Rey and then turned to Ben. “As for him…what use can we put him to? I believe that the only thing we can create using him is a poison that can paralyse the victim when given in small amounts and kill them when a larger dose is given. That’s the only result we’ve reached through our experiments. But the world already has a lot of poisons. He’s disposable then unless…unless someone has got something up their sleeve.”

“Sir, I have an idea”, said Phasma. “What if we erase his memory and use him as a weapon to capture or kill other mutants? He can help us with the mutant purge we’ve been planning.”

“Well done, Phasma. Although we do enough weapons to cleanse the earth of mutants but I love the irony of a mutant killing his brethren. And oh, the look on Leia Organa’s face when she sees her boy murdering his own kind. That’s exactly what we’ll do. Chain the-”

Snoke was interrupted by a loud crashing noise. As he turned around, he saw objects flying around everywhere and dropping onto the heads of his men. And then…he saw Luke Skywalker emerge, dodging bullets around and attacking everyone with the power of his mind. Rey and Ben glanced at each other hopefully. Snoke smiled his wicked smile and pressed a button on the wall and sirens started blaring.

“Well, well, well. Look who it is, the legendary Luke Skywalker himself. I must say I’m quite surprised to see you here. But seriously, you shouldn’t have come here alone”, and just as Snoke said this, the entire room filled with armed men and women, all of whom were pointing their guns at Luke.

Luke didn’t let his face betray his thoughts. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and when he opened them, he was smiling.

“Oh! But Snoke, I’m not alone, am I?” And with a wave of his hand, he freed Rey and Ben from their restraints just as fire consumed the entire lab. Snoke frantically tried to look for the source of the fire and saw Leia standing a few feet behind him, her hands were balls of flame and her eyes were burning too, but with anger. She flicked her hands and the fire moved to consume her enemies.

“Quick, grab something! We’re going to fight too”, Ben said to Rey and she nodded and turned to look for something sharp or heavy.

***

“So we wait for Luke’s signal and then we go in and rescue the kids, right?” Poe asked again while hiding near the holding cells with Rose, Finn and Hux.

“Yes, how many times are you going to ask that, huh? Are you really the best pilot or is it all a hoax? Because you’re acting really dumb right now”, Hux taunted him.

“Hey man, I’m just nervous. I haven’t broken into a highly secured facility before.”

“Yeah, and I do that every other day, right?”

“Well, you have superpowers, jerkface.”

“And they are the reason why people want to kill me, asshole.”

The two had been arguing all the way and were really getting on Rose and Finn’s nerves.

“Will you two shut up? The amount of noise you’re making will draw attention to us”, Finn snapped at them.

They were quiet for some time and then they heard a lot of footsteps. A minute or so later they heard Luke’s voice speaking into their minds.

“You’re clear. I’ve analysed the whole building. Everyone armed man and woman is right now where I am. You might have to deal with a few scientists or technicians, though.”

They four nodded at each other and moved into the direction of the holding cells. There were three men and a woman standing there.

“Time to end them”, said Hux and moved forward.

“Dude, you’re cold”, Poe said but Hux just smirked at him and didn’t reply.

He walked towards them and with a gesture of his hand covered the four in ice while Poe, Rose and Finn stood gaping.

“Yes, I _am_ very cold”, Hux finally said, smirking at Poe and moved towards the cells.

“This might not be the right time to say this but I think I might be bi”, Poe said in a small whisper so that only Finn and Rose could hear him. The two exchanged a surprised look and Finn clapped Poe on his back as he said, “Buddy, I’m happy for you, lately, you’ve been learning a lot of new things about yourself and the people around you but right now we need to focus.”

“Yeah, that’s right”, Poe nodded and moved towards the cells too.

“Hey, Rose! I can’t break open these cells, they are too strong. You’re studying engineering, right? Could you overwrite the software or something? I don’t know, I’m not good with technical stuff”, Hux called out.

“Well, I can help!” Poe chimed in, enthusiastically. “I’m a pilot and I have a lot to do with technical stuff too. Well, not as much as Rose obviously, but I’ve taken a lot of extra classes. I’ve always found stuff like this interesting.”

He worked on the controls outside the first cell and the door hissed open. Hux stared at him, wide-eyed and impressed as he moved onto the next cell. There were around twenty cells in total. Inside the first one sat a girl who was no more than 15. She was badly wounded. Rose and Finn helped her out.

“We’re here to help, don’t worry. We’re going to take you to a safe place”, Rose smiled at the girl and her eyes brightened with hope.

“I’ll work on the other cells’ locks so that we can speed this up”, she said to Finn and he nodded.

Rose and Poe opened the cells and Hux and Finn helped the inmates out and gathered them. In the last cell sat a boy around the age of four or five, the youngest prisoner. Rose’s heart broke when she saw him and tears formed in her eyes. Her three friends looked at the child in shock and sadness.

“But…he’s too young. Mutant powers don’t show until at least eight or nine years, right? And in most cases it’s after puberty”, Finn asked in a small voice.

“You’re right”, Hux replied. “But it the powers are extremely strong, the mutant-gene activates at a very young age, causing mutant powers to manifest.”

The child looked up at them in fear. There was a fresh bruise on his head. Hux leaned towards the kid who flinched and moved back into the cell.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I’m here to help. I’m going to take you away from these bad people, okay?” Hux said with a soft smile. The child nodded and moved towards him.

Hux moved his hand near the kid’s bruise and then suddenly turned his hand around and stared at it with narrowed eyes.

“What?” Finn inquired.

“I-I tried to put some ice on the kid’s bruise so that he could feel a little better but my powers…they-they’re not working. How’s this possible?”

“It’s the kid”, a young boy, one of the captives, said. “His powers completely suppress the powers of any mutant within a ten feet radius of him. They were using him to create an _antidote_ that would _cure_ us of our mutant problem. But it turned out to have only temporary effects. So, they reverted back to their original plan of mutant genocide.”

“They call me ‘the Leech’”, the child said in a small whisper.

“Well, no one will ever call you that again. You’re a very brave boy, you know”, Poe said with an encouraging smile and the kid smiled back.

“We need to get them out of here right away. Let’s steal some of their vans, we don’t have enough space in our cars”, Finn said and the others nodded.

“But how are we going to start them without keys?” Hux asked.

“Leave that to me”, Rose smiled and everyone started moving in the direction of the transport. Finn gently picked up the little kid in his arms and walked beside Rose who looked at him and smiled.

“What about these ice sculptures, though?” Poe asked pointing at the four frozen individuals.

“Oh, they can cope with a little ice”, Hux said. “After all, it’s a lot less cold than their hearts.”

Poe couldn’t help smiling at this.

***

While Rose and the three boys were helping the mutant prisoners escape, Rey and the Skywalkers were fighting Snoke and his men. They had taken down most and now only six, including Snoke and Phasma, were left.

Rey was beating a man with a metal pipe while Ben was wrestling with another. He had managed to come in contact with the man’s skin and now the man’s eyes were rolling back as a result of Ben’s powers. Phasma was skilfully dodging the flame Leia was throwing at her while simultaneously firing bullets in her direction. She was doing a good job but she wouldn’t last long. Leia was too powerful. Luke was battling with Snoke and two others at the same time. He dropped a gurney on one man and a microscope on another and they were both gone. Luke wasn’t going to injure him much. He wanted his fully functional so that he could be arrested and tried for his crimes against mutants. So, he attacked his mind. Snoke screamed, he felt a piercing pain in his head and dropped his weapons. The pain continued for a few minutes and then he dropped on the floor, unconscious. Rey was done fighting and she turned around to check on Ben and saw that though he was done fighting the man from before, another had sneaked up from him, from where and how she had no idea, and was holding Ben in a headlock, who was trying to wrestle free.

“Ben!” She screamed his name and he looked at her as she threw the metal pipe she was holding towards him. He caught it and swung it back and hit his attacker on the head. The man fell back on the ground. Rey rushed towards Ben and hugged him tight. There was fire all around them and in the light on the fire she looked at Ben’s face and saw a light scar running from his forehead down to his cheek, the area which had been injured when he had pushed Rey to save her life and had met with an accident himself. She hadn’t noticed it before, probably because it was too faint, or because they didn’t have the lights on in his apartment when they had talked. Yeah, probably that. But that wasn’t the only scar on his body. There were so many others from where Snoke and his assistants had cut him. They looked around and saw that Luke and Leia were done fighting too.

“I think the police will be here in a few minutes. You three leave, I’ll handle this from here”, Luke said.

“We’ve killed some of these people, Luke. I never thought I’d become a murderer one day”, Leia sounded devastated.

“Yes, but there’s nothing we can do about it. We just have to learn to live with the guilt. I’ve been doing that for years, Leia. It’s not easy, but you’ll learn, the way I did. Besides, these people were planning to commit genocide. And they were already torturing a lot of people. God knows how manythey have murdered in all these years.”

“But a lot of these men were just following orders, Luke. They didn’t have a choice.”

“No, Leia. There’s always a choice. Now go before the police shows up.”

Leia hugged her twin and then left with Rey and Ben. When they were outside, she hugged Ben and Rey tightly before sitting in the car.

“I’m seeing my son after more than seven years and I’m not able to even hug him properly. And Han…he died without seeing you”, Leia was crying.

Ben stiffened. He had to say something that would lighten her heart and yet he couldn’t tell her the truth.

“Mom, that’s not true”, he said and Rey turned around and looked at him in surprise. “Rey saw him a week before he-he passed away and-and she told me about his deteriorating health. I was worried, so I went to meet him. That’s how Uncle Luke knows where I live, Mom. I-I had-I was also thinking of coming back to you. Rey had been trying to convince me for a long time.”

Leia sighed in relief. “Thank God, the thought that you and your father never got to say goodbye would have haunted me for life but now I’m at peace.” She squeezed Rey’s shoulder.

“Rey, you really are an angel. I’m so glad you entered our life.”

Rey smiled back at her.

“I’m lucky too, you know”, she said and looked at Ben and then at Leia. “I have finally found a family, something I had been looking for all my life.”

***

Snoke and his men were all arrested. Ten people had died and a lot were badly injured. The rescued mutants were now staying at Luke’s school, ‘Skywalker’s Institute for Gifted Youngsters’. Ben was staying with his Leia now but the majority of his time was spent at his uncle’s school, where he was now teaching Literature.

Two weeks after the incident, Rey was walking in the corridors of Luke’s school when she heard Ben’s voice from behind.

“Happy birthday, beautiful.”

She turned around and smiled. He walked towards her and planted a gentle kiss on her lips.

“So, where’s my gift?” she asked him playfully.

“I’ll give it to you at tonight’s party”, he replied with a smile and then his expression changed. He looked nervous.

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked worriedly.

“Nothing. I just…I wanted to tell you something.”

“I’m listening.”

“Remember that little kid, one of the mutants rescued from Snoke’s facility?”

“Yeah, the one who neutralizes the powers of other mutants, right? He’s five, isn’t he?”

“Four and a half, actually.”

“Okay, what about him?”

“I’ve become really attached to him, you know. Apart from you, he’s the only person I can really touch without hurting and-and…well, I see myself in him. He’s not very popular with the other kids because of his powers just the way I was. And I give him company, give him the affection he needs. I don’t want him to grow touch-starved the way I did. And even from such an early age. I want him to get all the love that I wished I had received when I was a kid.”

“Well, I don’t see any problem with that. That’s a great thing, actually. I’m so happy for both you and the kid. But what’s bothering you?”

“I’m planning to adopt him, Rey.”

Rey looked at him in surprise and didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

“Well, I’m almost twenty-nine. I think I can adopt a kid and raise him well.”

Rey smiled at him.

“Ben Solo, I am so proud of you”, she said and hugged him tightly. He sighed in relief and hugged her back.

“Wow, I’m going to be a nineteen years-old mother of a four and a half years-old kid”, she said.

Ben jerked in surprise and broke free from the hug.

“What?”

“Well, sometime in the future, we _will_ get married, right? Well, I _am_ counting on that so if you had something else in mind, better change your plans. So, if you’re adopting him, he’ll be my son too, right?”

Ben smiled.

“Yes, of course he will be.”

“Good!” Rey said cheerfully. “I never got to know the kid’s name, though. What is it?”

Ben smiled softly at her and his eyes lit up as he said, “Anakin.”

Rey looked at him with surprise.

“Yes”, his smile deepened. “It’s like fate, isn’t it?”

Rey smiled back as she said-

“Yes, it is.”

***

Rey’s birthday party was being held at Leia and Ben’s house but there were only three guests from Rey’s side- Rose, Finn and Poe. The rest were all family friends of the Skywalker-Solos.

Leia called Rey towards her where she was standing with a group of friends.

“Rey, you always wanted to meet the people who were working with us on the mutant project, right? Well, here they are. This is Dr Ackbar, this is Dr Maz Kanata, this is Dr Statura, this is Mon Mothma, this is Lor San Tekka, and this is Wedge Antilles. They’ve all been an invaluable support in my research. Some of them were scientifically involved in the study while the others have helped me in gathering the data about the mutant population. Some of my friends here are mutants just like us while the others are just kind and brave people who wanted to do good for the society. And I obtained most of the cell samples from the kids at Luke’s school, but I guess you must have figured that out already.”

Rey thanked them all for their invaluable support and talked to them for a while when suddenly Ben’s voice boomed around the room.

“May I have you attention, please?” Ben was speaking into a mic. Rey’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Well, as we all know, it’s Rey’s birthday. But I haven’t given her a birthday gift yet. Well, now is the time”, he said walking towards Rey and turning off the mic.

“I don’t know if you will even like this gift”, he whispered to Rey and then went down on one knee and took out a ring from his pocket. Rey gasped.

“Rey, ever since I met you, everything has started making sense. You have given me happiness, you have given me a purpose. You complete my heart and soul, without you I am broken and lost. Will you marry me?”

Rey had tears in her eyes.

“Yes! A million times yes!” She said and Ben slipped the ring in her finger. It was a perfect fit. They kissed as everyone around them clapped and cheered.

“We’ll get married once you’re done with med school and you’ve become a doctor”, Ben said planting a kiss on Rey’s forehead.

“I can’t wait”, she said and hugged him tight just as people started coming forward to congratulate them.

***

 

Poe moved towards Hux who was standing all alone in a corner with a drink in his hand and a scowl on his face.

“Hey…all by yourself, huh?” Poe said awkwardly.

“You sure have a great eyesight”, Hux said icily.

“You really are icy-cold inside out”, Poe rolled his eyes and turned to leave.

“Hey!” Hux called out and Poe turned to look at him. He was scratching his head embarrassedly.

“Umm…sorry for being a jerk, I guess? I don’t like parties”, he said and Poe smiled.

“So, no date?” Poe asked, gathering some courage.

“Nah…you?”

“Nopes.”

“Why? You single?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, me and my girlfriend Kaydel went on a break when I discovered that she was a mutant, not that I have anything against dating mutants but… I was just too shocked. And now she’s dating another guy so I guess that we’re rally broken up. Also I recently realised that I’m bi so it’s been a weird time for me.”

Hux smiled as he said, “Well, my case isn’t that complicated. It’s just that being a gay introverted mutant, it’s really hard for me to find someone.”

“Oh.” That’s all Poe could manage to say and then they were both silent for some time.

“Would you like to grab a few drinks someday?” Poe asked after what seemed like an eternity of silence.

“Sure”, Hux nodded at him and reached for something in his coat pocket. He took out a card holder and handed Poe a card with his contact details on it. “Give me a call if you plan to catch up.”

“I will.”

***

“Wow, did you see that?” Rose nudged Finn and he chuckled.

“Poe and Hux? Yeah, they’ll make a great couple”, he laughed again.

“Come on, Finn. Be serious!”

“I _am_ serious! It’s just that Poe is always so confident. I’ve never seen him act so awkward.”

It was Rose’s turn to laugh.

“Yeah, you’re right. That’s a first.”

She looked at Finn and smiled affectionately.

“What?” He asked smiling back.

“Nothing. I just feel ‘completely and perfectly and incandescently happy’!”

“Pride and Prejudice?”

“Yep”, Rose said brightly, glad that Finn had understood the reference.

Finn rolled his eyes.

“You’re such a romantic”, he said.

“And that’s why you love me.”

“No, that’s only one of the many reasons why I love you.”

“And what are the rest?”

“Well, there are so many that I could spend the whole night talking and yet I wouldn’t be able to list all of them. But most importantly, you bring out the best in me and you encourage me to become a better person. You inspire me and you complete me.”

Rose’s smile deepened and she kissed Finn passionately.

“I think I’ve finally found my happy ending”, she said and then she looked around and saw Poe and Hux talking, Leia laughing along with Luke and Chewbacca and Rey and Ben holding hands while Ben introduced his fiancée to his family-friends, both of them looking at each other lovingly and the ring glinting on Rey’s finger. Rose smiled as she looked at all of them and said-

“I think we all found our happy ending.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I am not dead. My life has just become a series of unfortunate events. In the last 2.5 months, I've had relatives visit every other weekend and I hate guests, I fell from the stairs and injured myself badly (thankfully no bones were broken), I've lost money, broken my glasses, my external hard disk stopped working and I cried for 3 days (now it's working fine) and I had an argument with my best friend for the first time in the four years of our friendship and though she's acting like everything is cool I'm still pissed off at her. The last 1.5 months specifically have been horrible. I've been crying for no reason, avoiding all social contact, I don't reply to most of my friends' messages until they send me like 10 messages and then I give one word or one line answers. I want to crush my phone. I've been panicking because of exams and because of the panicking I haven't been able to study and because of that I'm panicking even more. My anxiety has reached extreme levels and I'm just mad at myself and everyone. I think I don't deserve friends because I offend everyone. Everything is so fucked. But in the last 2 weeks, we had a very important festival and there were celebrations at college and everything was so nice at home and I had holidays and I visited my aunt. This brightened up my mood and encouraged me to complete my fic. So this is the second last chapter. Next one will be an epilogue. Forgive me for the delay. I will only be able to upload the next chapter next month though because finals :(


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